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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Marginaux Offline
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Uninvolved Dad - November 21st 2017, 06:24 AM

Hi, I'm new here....
I've always wanted a family with the movie-like happy parents and at least semi-decent familial relationships. My dad and mom got married on a whim but, as they adhere to traditional family values, they would never sparate after marriage. I don't blame my dad for not being there my early childhood--he was at war for most of it--but now that he has been home almost 13 years, I feel like I should be able to expect him to want to be with his children in any way. My mom will try and convince him to do special things with us and he'll refuse. He probably doesn't know what I want to do with my life, what my favorite color is, or even what the name of my school is. He is emotionally invalidating and will laugh at our embarrassment, sometimes publicly shaming us in the process. My mom apologizes for marrying him and often says how she doesn't love him. I know I don't have it even half as bad as some do with parents, but it still hurts that one of the people who should care about me the most doesn't give a sh*t.

I had a question at the start, but I lost my train of thought after the rant, I'm so sorry.
   
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Re: Uninvolved Dad - November 21st 2017, 11:48 AM

Hello there,

Welcome to TeenHelp! It's good you have come here to share what is going on.

I think a lot of us want that movie like family, I know sometimes I do. You aren't alone.

I know your parents are still together for traditional values which many families do follow even when they aren't happy, sometimes they stay for the children, finances, or other things. The reasons why your parents stay together may not seem to be obvious.

Have you ever expressed to your dad how it makes you feel when he isn't around or shrugs your ideas off? I know your dad was away most of the time when you were little, do you think the war impacted him and he doesn't want to talk about it? It is common for war veterans to feel different after they have served and are home. This could be the reason why he doesn't want to do things. Has this always been the case?

Whatever your dad is going through it can impact others around him and he may not realize that. Sometimes, when we are stressed about something it can lead to outbursts, withdrawing from others, and any other mental health. It could also be health related, or he is simply unhappy.

You may not be able to change him but you can talk to your mom how you want him to be more active in the family. I would recommend seeing if the family can order pizza or make a frozen one, make popcorn and watch a movie once a month. There isn't a lot of interaction but this might be something your dad is willing to do. This is just an idea, something small and nothing huge. Also, if your dad doesn't want to do anything, allow him the space he needs.

Have you told him what you wanted to do with your life, your favorite colour, etc., he may not know because you haven't told him. Try telling him things about yourself so he gets to know you more.

I do feel after your dad went to war he is having a hard time coping and he may not have told anyone about, however, it could also be a number of different things.

I hope this was a bit helpful, if you need anything let me know or reply back to the thread.


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Re: Uninvolved Dad - November 22nd 2017, 01:34 AM

Hello and welcome to teenhelp, thank you so much for joining and telling us about this and you have done a wonderful job. Hugs.

I am so sorry that you are going through a hard time right now and I also agree with up about, when you are watching a movie or you are over at a friend's house and you see the family or the parents getting along and laughing and they're really happy and you think I want that and why can't that be my family getting along and I understand what you're saying about this. When you're parents do not get along it's hard and I'm sorry that's happening, and I wish it was better for you. Can you try to find thing's to help you to be okay and to help pick you up. Going for a walk, or do you like to draw or write or can you go to a friend's house and be with them or see if they would like to do something so that you are not in the house for a little bit.
Maybe you can all play a game of cards, or any other games and I like the idea of putting on a movie that's great too. Because you don't have to talk with a movie's on.
I hope that you will be okay soon and you can post more when you need too. Lots of hugs.
   
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