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astronomychica Offline
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fair treatment? - May 26th 2009, 04:00 AM

Okay, so, to start, I feel as though I'm not treated the same as my younger brother. He's 16, I'm 19. He gets away with a lot more than I did and still do. For one, my brother can drive. I can't. I still do not have my license, despite years of me asking my parents to take me to get it, or to help me practice. Every time it's the same thing, "you need to get your license" or "getting your license will be priority." It never is. I've asked them numerous times, but it's never been done. My brother got his permit the day I left for college, and then got to drive most of the way down. The only way I was allowed to drive was if I drove a very shifty car that broke down a lot, but my brother learned on my mom's car, and even got a truck of his own for his 16th birthday. Something I too, wanted.

Also, my junior year, I asked my parents to sign a form agreeing to let me take a higher math course for my final year of high school. They said no. My mom told me she didn't want to pay for the tutor if I needed one. Even when I tried to explain to her that getting help was going to the teacher after school, she didn't budge. But, once my brother started his freshman year, he was having trouble in math, and my parents got him a tutor. (We both went to private schools at the time, and tuition there was pretty steep for two kids). Also, whenever he needed help in Spanish, I had to help him. Regardless of what I was doing. It felt like I was always seconded to him.

This has gone farther back than high school. In sixth grade, I was in a competitive science competition. My parents came, but I didn't win anything. The next year, the competition was in Tucson, but my parents didn't want to drive the two hours to see the awards ceremony. The same summer, my brother had a baseball tournament, in Tucson. I had to go.

My junior year, I was out with friends and I wanted to go to the mall. I called my parents, but they told me I couldn't go. When I didn't come home immediately, my dad called me and yelled at me. I was grounded for a week to my room. My brother never calls my parents when he gets home, where he is, he rarely answers his phone when my mom calls, etc. My mom told me she was going to take a way his phone from him and ground him. She finally did. It lasted an hour.

Am I just over-reacting? I've tried talking to my parents about this, but they're denying everything and telling me I need to lighten up. They have also turned a deaf ear to my requests to not calling me "vertically challenged." How can I talk to them and make my point known that I'm not okay with what's been going on?
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wonderbread Offline
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Re: fair treatment? - May 26th 2009, 02:00 PM

I am sorry you have to go through this. It can be difficult for many kids because like you said parents just blow it off and tell their children they are over reacting or such.
To be honest, I am the younger out of my brother and I. He is 27 and he felt and still feels like you. I do and did get away with a lot of stuff my brother wasn't able to. I also get treated differently. For example, he had to wait until he was seventeen to get his first tattoo and Im already seventeen and have two. But to tell you the truth I know how my mom is and I know how to get what I want and I know what to say. I know it isn't right and I am trying to work on it. Im just letting you know this because your brother might know it too. He might know ways to get around things or he may know what to say at the right time.
You aren't over reacting because being treated unfairly is never a good thing. I know it may get hard and it may seem pointless after a while. But you just have to be persistent in what you have been telling them.
You also have to understand that it could be a gender thing and they may not even realize it. You are a girl going out with a group of your friends to the mall. They may be thinking that it is a bad idea because a young girl at nineteen or what ever age you were is in much more danger of getting pulled away from a group of friends and getting raped or if the whole group was girls a whole group could be snatched and never found again. But a boy going out staying out late isn't likely to be snatched and being raped.

Always remember to put your happiness first.
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