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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jess~ Offline
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like talking to a brick wall - December 8th 2017, 10:40 PM

i have an online friend who i have known for over three years. for most of that time, we have been texting all day every day, but this year has been rougher and it hasn't been as much. we still do typically talk every day, but it's not to the extent that it used to be.

which is fine, there were some things that happened that really hurt our relationship on both sides, so i think this rate of communication is pretty healthy considering the things our friendship has been put through.

we both start conversations about equally. lately, however, i've been noticing how dry he is when he texts. he sends a lot of one word answers, maybe 10 words at the most on a good message. now, he has always kind of been like this, so i don't think it's a matter of him not being interested in the conversation or anything. in fact, he gets sad if i don't reply for a day or two, and double-texts to remind me that i "forgot" about him.
but even though we both start the conversations, i feel like i'm always the one "propelling" it, in a way. when i text him i am constantly looking for chances to make jokes or say something out-of-the-box or even make a stupid play on words. i do that anyway, but with him i just feel this pressure to do that because if i don't the conversation would be extremely dry.

what's even weirder is that the rare times we talk on the phone, he just keeps talking and talking about his life and himself and i really just listen. when it's my turn to talk, i don't know what to say and i think i sound really boring. so it's almost like complete opposites on the phone.

what is a bit concerning is that the only time he seems really interested, messages back right away, and his messages aren't boring and dry is when i send him nudes or talk about sex. so there's that too.


but yeah i just don't know what to do. lately when he gets boring, i'll just say bye or send the peace sign emoji to let him know i'm done with him, because i'm tired of putting up with conversations where i feel like i'm doing most of the talking. it makes me feel like he's not interested, even though i know that's not the case because of how much he makes an effort to start and keep conversations with me.
so i kind of don't know what to make of this. is he just a boring person?


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Re: like talking to a brick wall - December 10th 2017, 12:16 AM

Hey,
I'm sorry to hear your friend has behaving like that. Given what you said, about him ignoring you unless you're talking about sex or sending nudes, it would, unfortunately, appear he is more interested in getting off than being a friend.
If I were you, I would directly address the problem. And if he ends up not responding well or changing, you could potentially, just end the friendship. It must seem harsh, but I think that should help.
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Re: like talking to a brick wall - December 10th 2017, 02:05 AM

that's what i was thinking too. well that day after he was sending dry texts i just told him bye, and a few hours later he just said he was sorry and that he's been so sleep deprived and busy lately. he does work a lot, while taking classes, so i can understand that he's busy. but i'm busy too, and he is the ONLY person i reply to immediately or even really care about replying to.
then i said that it just seems like he doesn't want to talk when he's sending dry messages, and he replied with, "i love you i always want to talk to you."
love is a huge word for both of us, so every time he says it i really do feel like he means it, because it's rare. i know there are people who say, "omg i love you" to their friends and acquaintances, just because they said something funny or whatever. but idk, we had a big talk about that word last year for some reason, and i don't know.

i should mention that even when we are talking about sex, he still sends 1-3 word texts, so it seems like he might just be a man of few words when it comes to texting. and scrolling back we have had a lot of conversations about things other than sex, so i guess i was sort of exaggerating. we do talk about sex very often though, so i think that's why i'm concerned, because we talk about it so much and a lot of times he's the one to bring it up.
i don't know, now i feel bad about being kind of petty about his dry texts.


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Re: like talking to a brick wall - December 12th 2017, 11:49 AM

He might just be a man of few words when it comes to texting, like you said. We have a few of those in our family and we only get one to three word messages for the most part. It doesn’t seem like he’s not interested especially because you mentioned how much he talks on the phone with you.

Maybe you could let him know that you feel like you’re the only one keeping up the conversations sometimes and you find that difficult on your end? Maybe if he is made aware of things he’ll be able to try to help you on the conversation side of things so it’s more of a dual effort than a single one.


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