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My faith wavers... - January 9th 2018, 05:47 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm having a bit of a struggle. To make things short, I've had a pretty hard childhood growing up. My mother was very abusive, and my father was always gone. I left home at 17, and never looked back. Two days ago, my mom sent me a connect request on social media. I accepted it. I don't know why, but I did.

My faith tells me to forgive, to give her the love she never gave me, and to try and move forward with my life, with our without her. But that I should forgive her, but I don't know how. I want too, but how are you supposed to forgive someone who pretty much ruined your childhood?? I'm struggling to try and find the faith to forgive her and move forward. Have any of you tried to do this? How did you find the strength and peace to forgive and move forward with your life?
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Re: My faith wavers... - January 10th 2018, 12:52 AM

I am sorry to hear you experienced all of this but it seems like you've done some lovely things for yourself in building yourself a healthier lifestyle.

I have not tried to forgive anyone for what they have done as I personally feel that I don't need to. It is great that you want to forgive her, though! You said she ruined your whole childhood; do you know if you're ready to forgive her? Event though you want to forgive her it may take some time until you're completely ready.

Maybe you can try to write your mom a letter, tell her how she has impacted you and then tell her that you forgive her. Or, you could try saying it out loud to see how you feel. Here is an article on forgiveness that may help you.

Feel free to keep us updated.

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Re: My faith wavers... - January 10th 2018, 02:30 AM

Hey there,

I think that there are different types of forgiveness. For me, forgiveness had more to do with letting go of the anger I had at the abusers in my life. I don't forgive them for what they did and I wouldn't ever want them in my life but I knew that, for me, holding on to the anger was doing more harm. So, I think, you need to figure out what forgiveness means to you. Does it mean letting her back in your life or just letting go of anger? I think once you can figure out what forgiveness means for you that you might be able to come closer to figuring out what you need to do that.

I also think it is important to remember that it takes time to forgive. The people in my life who have forgiven their abusers explained that it is a process. I would suggest that you be gentle with yourself because of that. You will likely have good days and bad days.

Best regards.

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