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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Elle_94 Offline
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Angry I'm so angry at my Mom for telling our Aunt about my sisters pregnancy scare. - January 11th 2018, 09:36 PM

A few nights ago, my sister (who lives two hours away from our family home which is where I live with my parents) rang home in floods of tears concerned that she might be pregnant.

My sister is twenty three and has a full time job as a nurse. She has a Masters degree and her own place and has been with her partner for two years. So whilst the pregnancy would still have been unplanned, you can probably see why I don't think it would have been the absolute end of the world if she was pregnant (spoiler: it turns out she's not).

Our Auntie, who for context, my sister and I probably see once a year and barely ever speak to, come over. I walked into the kitchen to find them talking about my sister's pregnancy scare.

My mum does this all the time. Everything my sister and I tell her in confidence she gossips about with her friends or our auntie and she never respects our privacy about anything. I'm so angry.

I confronted my mom and rather than just admitting she shouldn't have told her, she flipped at me and told me that she wouldn't speak to me until I apologise for saying she shouldn't have done it.

I don't know why I should apologise. My mom has broken her trust about something incredibly sensitive and personal. Plus, what if it turns out she was pregnant and decided to keep the baby and really came around to the idea of having a baby... then that would have been her news to tell and her announcement to make and be excited and happy about. But my mom would already have told people about her pregnancy before she was even sure she was expecting a child! I'm disgusted.

Do you think I'm right to be upset?

My mom says she "needed some support" but I somehow don't believe it. For one, as I said, it really wouldn't be the worse thing ever if my sister was pregnant, just a bit of a shock. We also didn't even know for sure that she was pregnant, there was every chance she was just late, and it turned out that was the case. She could also have talked with me about it being as we both already knew if she felt she needed to discuss it with someone, and as I said previously, my mom loves to gossip and talk about others business - I feel like she was just enjoying the drama as usual.

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Re: I'm so angry at my Mom for telling our Aunt about my sisters pregnancy scare. - January 13th 2018, 02:03 PM

You definitely have the right to be upset. Your feelings are valid and it is good that you expressed them here; hopefully it helped a little bit.

You said you confronted your mom and told her how you felt about things. How did you confront her? Did you do it calmly, or in a different way? Though she probably shouldn't have told your aunt about your sister, perhaps the way you confronted her has something to do with her telling you to apologize.

If you confronted her in a calm way, however, then she may be enjoying the drama so to speak. You know your mom best and if she likes drama, perhaps she is creating more by telling you to apologize before she'll speak to you.

Whether or not you apologize is up to you but something to consider is that it may help to "play her game" and apologize so things get resolved between the two of you. That is not to say that what she did was okay, or that you can't still be upset because you certainly can.

Feel free to keep us updated.


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Re: I'm so angry at my Mom for telling our Aunt about my sisters pregnancy scare. - January 13th 2018, 07:47 PM

You definitely have a right to be upset about this. When things are said in confidence, it's expected that the people that the individual chooses to tell will keep things to themselves. Unless the situation poses a serious risk, no one else has a right to share whatever information is given. Unfortunately, there are people who genuinely enjoy having new gossip to share without taking the feelings of the people involved into consideration. It sounds like your mom might be one of those people.

You mentioned that this has happened before. Have you and your sister ever tried talking to your mom about the way she shares information besides confrontation when it initially happens? If you haven't, it might be worth it for you both to sit down with her and express your thoughts and feelings outside of the heat of a moment. Let her know that the two of you like being able to come to her when things happen in life, but that you feel you can't trust her with sensitive information because of her history of sharing it without your permission. Be open with her about the way it affects you. When doing so, try using I statements: "When you share my business with others, I feel _______". It may not seem like much, but wording it in such a way will make her more inclined to listen, rather than jumping on the defensive. If you and your sister feel it's best, you may even want to give her an ultimatum and let her know that, if she can't keep things to herself, you'll have to stop telling her important things until you're ready for them to become public knowledge.


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