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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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MadPoet Offline
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Scared to be social. - May 26th 2009, 11:46 PM

In short, I've had a friend whose been trying to get a hold of me awhile (according to a family member who sees her occasionally) but I lost my phone charger, so I couldn't call her back as I didn't have her number. But I recently got it from someone who does have her phone number, but I can't bring myself to call her. I know it sounds stupid, but I absolutely hate being social. I don't get out and do anything with anyone, pretty much ever. And when I do plan on doing something with a friend or anything, I get sick to my stomach, and extremely nervous to go. I end up stressed and pissed, and worry to much about how I should be acting, stuff like that, when I am actually doing something with the friend. Don't get me wrong, I have a good time, but I wish I wasn't so nervous to do things with people. It's even become a bit of an issue with my own family. I think it may tie in with depression a bit, and I'm not sure how to handle it. How do I keep myself from feeling so nervous about being social?





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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Scared to be social. - May 27th 2009, 12:09 AM

I have the same problem, this time last year I was puking because we were going to the MALL. It was insane.
Just try doing little things and focing yourself to go out and interact. I hate phones too, so maybe try texting when you can. Even small things, like talking to the checkout lady at the store, is a step forward.
Best wishes.


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Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like the jewelry store case
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Re: Scared to be social. - May 27th 2009, 01:50 PM

well you alos have to learn that if people ask you to hang outthat means they want you there they dont want you to be all by yourself. maybe you need to hang around outgoing people for a little they might rub off on you anf youll leanr not to be so antisocial. idk that helped me a bit and i use to enevr want to tal kto any that i neevr really knew. ever btu just dont be afraid to as much and get out a little more but dotn do anything you dont want to as well, because then you wont have as good of a time if thats all your worrying about


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Re: Scared to be social. - May 27th 2009, 10:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concrete Girl View Post
In short, I've had a friend whose been trying to get a hold of me awhile (according to a family member who sees her occasionally) but I lost my phone charger, so I couldn't call her back as I didn't have her number. But I recently got it from someone who does have her phone number, but I can't bring myself to call her. I know it sounds stupid, but I absolutely hate being social. I don't get out and do anything with anyone, pretty much ever. And when I do plan on doing something with a friend or anything, I get sick to my stomach, and extremely nervous to go. I end up stressed and pissed, and worry to much about how I should be acting, stuff like that, when I am actually doing something with the friend. Don't get me wrong, I have a good time, but I wish I wasn't so nervous to do things with people. It's even become a bit of an issue with my own family. I think it may tie in with depression a bit, and I'm not sure how to handle it. How do I keep myself from feeling so nervous about being social?
From my experience it is a confidence thing... I used to hate going out with other people because my self-esteem was really low... I recently got improved that and now I socialize a lot more...

Also, you might just be introverted... I'm an introvert so being around people doesn't rate very high on my prioity chart... Do I get lonely? Yes... Do I socialize? Certainly, just no where near to the extent that an extrovert would...

I think if you really want to be more social, the only way you can do that is if you do it more often... The more often you do it the easier it will get... Trust me... I hope I've helped...
   
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Re: Scared to be social. - May 27th 2009, 10:46 PM

I feel you, when I was a freshman and sophmore in high school I used to be pretty shy and quiet. I found that it really unique kind if person to bring me out of my shell, it's really about finding the right crowd where you dont have to "act" in a certain way you can just be yourself.
   
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Re: Scared to be social. - June 1st 2009, 12:43 AM

I had the same problem as you. My problem became so bad that I couldn't walk into a store by myself. If I went anywhere with anyone else (including my husband) I'd stay in the car. This is what helped me.

Nothing can be solved immediately, but I'm sure you know that.

I started calling a really close friend of mine, daily. It was very hard at first. I forced myself to do it. Soon, I was opening up to her, calling her when I was upset, calling her when something exciting happened, and so on. After awhile, I was able to talk to my close cousin and a few other friends on the phone. I became so comfortable around them again. The next step was hanging out with them. They would come over to my house and we would do things like watch movies or just simply talk. Since it was at my house, I was comfortable. And because I talked to them often on my cell phone, I was at ease with them. Now I'm able to go places and finally able to walk into places by myself. It took awhile. But it was ENTIRELY worth it. I'm so much happier than I was back then.

So, push yourself. Take that first step, call that friend. You won't regret it.
   
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Re: Scared to be social. - June 1st 2009, 03:08 PM

Try not to be nervous, it never really helps you. Go out and do things even if you don't enjot it much. The more you do the easier it is.
   
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Re: Scared to be social. - June 1st 2009, 05:42 PM

what are you actually nervous about? what your friends are going to think of you? or are you worried about the actual thought of going out places. i used to get worried about going out because i was sooo paranoid that i would get stabbed or something. my best friend would always take the piss out of me like laughing and saying nothings gunna happen blah blah but i always used to be looking over my shoulder. i don't know when or how, but suddenly i just kinda wasn't nervous anymore. i know i'm not being very helpful, but i think so long as you're with people who you're comfortable with it's ok. maybe explain to your friend about you're worries. i'm sure she'll understand, if she's a true friend. that way you won't have to hide your fears, making it even worse.


..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..



   
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Re: Scared to be social. - June 2nd 2009, 09:58 PM

I had the same problem! I absolutly hated going out and talking on phones. I really like going out now but I still hate talking on phones, and unless I'm going out that day, I like to be left alone at home. But one day I just decided to go out for once, to see what it was like, and it was REALLY fun! I enjoyed it a lot, and I was happy to get out. It might scare you now, but going out, even for an hour or two, might do you a world of good. Don't force yourself to go somewhere you feel uncomfortable with at first, like a jam or something like that.
If it's your friends that are making you nervous, then you should try to talk to them.. if you can. I had problems talking to my old friends about things, so I had to end it with them because there was just too much I couldn't talk to them about.
Anyways, I really think it would help you to go out for a little bit, baby steps, right? Just long enough for you to get a taste of it.

^^^^OHH by the way, i'm not saying to end anything with your friends! That was just my personal situation ahha

Last edited by MandaPanda; June 2nd 2009 at 09:59 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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