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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 8th 2018, 09:03 PM

Do you ever have times where your family doesn't feel like your family and they seem more like unreliable friends at most or prying strangers at least? 'Cause I'm in that position for some reason, even though I have literally no apparent logical reason to feel this way. I've been given everything I ever needed physically, so it's really eating away at me. I know it'll probably fade away again over time, but it just lasts longer and increases in intensity each time it comes back. Like, my family says they're trying to communicate with me, but I don't really care even if I want to. Is this even a thing??? I can't tell whether I'm just making it up because I'm a spiteful piece of shit or what. I just can't feel anything for them beyond irritation and it's been coming and going for years as a feeling. It pisses me off, because I feel like even though I am in a relationship, I can't do anything on my end because I'm inhibited by said weirdass feeling. I just don't react at all, I do nothing for them but I don't particularly act angry or anything either. I'm just fucking wasted for no reason.


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 9th 2018, 01:44 PM

Sometimes as part of dissociation I feel distant from my family or if i am anxious I find them irritating, even though I care for them. Do you struggle with any mental health issues such as depression or dissociation, or anything else? Sometimes mental health issues can impact our relationships with our families and that could be why you're feeling like this.

Something that may help is the "fake it til you make it" kind of thing. Perhaps you can force yourself to interact with them and try to feel more than irritation and see where that goes for you. Sometimes trying to feel a certain way can eventually make you feel that way; it's worth a shot.

You could also try writing down a list of the positive things about your family. You can note why you care about them so you can be reminded when you feel this difficult feeling.

Feel free to keep us updated.


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 9th 2018, 01:45 PM

Children need more than parents and family members giving them physical things. They need to have an emotional connection- to be listened to, understood, heard, comforted. And being a teenager can naturally increase conflict with parents when you want to grow and be independent and parents don't seem to get that.

You're not spiteful and if these feelings for family members have been coming and going for years, then it's likely not just you. You find them irritating and they say they are trying to communicate with you...perhaps things are a bit mismatched? What do you find irritating? In what ways do they try to communicate with you? How would you prefer your relationship to be like with your parents? Of course, you can't force yourself to feel something that just isn't there (although faking it can help) and it's okay if you don't want to do much with your family either.


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 10th 2018, 11:53 PM

I had depression for a year once but that's about it. I keep swapping between real - fake - real - fake all the time just to keep the peace. Even though I know I may never feel real peace in myself with the constant circus juggling act. I have a therapist now, but I feel defensive still. Idk. It's just really difficult to deal with being honest, especially after being used to it for so long now. I just wish some privacy existed. Or something. Idk. Something I can call my own besides my creative endeavours. Even then I tried to give my family info about it to maybe make a connection with them when it comes to technology that they won't hate, just so I can keep using it. It's not as if they have legitimate reasons to keep me away anymore, but they appear to not being doing so because they particularly enjoy it. It's like cruelty without a cause. I even had to continuously stop typing this comment and hiding my phone behind my back just to finish this comment without having my shit potentially confiscated


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 11th 2018, 12:10 AM

Well, idk. In my family, being equal in emotional giving doesn't exist. I take the blame. I take whatever is dished out to me by my bro or her and if I talk back, I lose something. Whether that be affection or my fucking bed even. It doesn't matter. I should be talking to my therapist about this stuff but I just... can't. I can't find the energy. I only had my first session yesterday so I'll see what happens. but anyways. After that session my mum just brings my mood down when I woke up by saying "you're actually doing your work now rather than running away." about me simply opening a piece of work yesterday. Simply because she was in a shit mood and I respond and then she's just playing guilt shit again. And all I did was continue to leave into another room because I can't focus for shit around her and I wanted to finish this comment and she says to eat my breakfast and type in the lounge room because we're cleaning the house today and she doesn't want me to dirty the rooms. and I tell her it's because she brought my mood down by saying to not bother with her in a self a depreciating way. and ATM I'm walking away to another place because I left the house, because she didn't want to stop fucking around. and she's like "stay and help me clean the house" and I'm just like "help yourself" as I leave. Should've added a lot more to my comment but that would require me staying longer than I can fucking take. And she called me and messaged me a bit but I'm just fucking ignoring it because I can't give a shit about her petty problems when she doesn't ever bother giving a shit about mine unless it's physically attainable. I'm just so fucking done. She gets me a therapist. He helped. But he didn't do my fucking work for me throughout my entire schooling. In fact, this is the last year of school for me. So honestly, they can go fuck themselves. Mum and bro can go fuck themselves. Comparing me to a fucking horse and saying that's why they hate horses. Fuck them.


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 11th 2018, 12:27 AM

Based on your original post, to me it just sounded like normal, healthy teenage attitude. I remember feeling that way towards my family, because they constricted me and judged me so much during a time that I was very uncomfortable and insecure and terrified of life. I lashed out in anger and violence and tensions between me and my family were very bad.
But then I grew up, took on my own responsibilities, focused on my own shit, and things got better. They started to respect me more as I became an adult and now we're pretty decent. Things won't be ideal for me until I'm in my own place away from them, but this is as good as it can be for now.

So maybe that's the progression that your relationship with your family will make as well. You said it's your last year of school, so hopefully you're going to move on to doing things that you want to do instead of just getting through your school years. Whatever your goals may be, once your family sees you working towards things you want in life, they might get off your back and start to respect you. Especially if they see you providing for yourself and really making your own way in the world.

I also understand the thing with phones and technology. That was a severe problem point for me and my parents as well, and I'm sorry. It's difficult I think especially for our generation, because we're growing up extremely differently from the way our parents grew up.
It does seem like you want more freedom and individuality, and that still sounds very normal and healthy for a teenager. You're at the age where we begin to feel this natural desire to branch out and experience things on our own. Sometimes that can mean rebelling against our parents and it ends in fights and misunderstandings.

Luckily, as long as neither of you can hold a grudge for very long, those tensions and fights will pass and you'll grow up and forget all about this.

However, after reading your last post, harsh words are probably the worst things that can come between family, because they're hard to forget. In a lot of ways they sting the worst. When a family member makes a negative comment on something positive you're doing, it can ruin the entire experience and cause you to continue doing negative things. Don't let your mom's attitude ruin what you were trying to accomplish. It's very hard to stay motivated during times like that, trust me, I have been there. But it's important that you just keep on doing your thing because one day this will all pass.

The name-calling and insults are never okay, especially not from a parent to a child. Parents should know better and I'm so sorry she tells you those things. I don't know if you ever have any good moments, but during a time where you're not fighting, it might help to tell her that it makes you feel like shit when she says that. Parent or not, we all say things we don't mean when we get mad. I can name a few times where my parents have told me they wished they never had kids or something along those lines, only to tell me they didn't mean it later on. It's just one of the many shitty things about people, and if you bring it up, your mom will hopefully apologize. It won't take away how much it hurt you, but it will help with possibly mending some of those tensions.


All in all, to answer your question about that weird feeling you have that distances you and prevents you from interacting with your family in a positive way, I would say you can probably just attribute that feeling to hormones and the natural desire to escape your family and become your own person. Most if not all teenagers feel that at some point in their lives and you can't blame yourself for it. Hormones screw with you mentally and it leads to a lot of fights sometimes. You're normal, and this, although a very negative situation, seems like a relatively normal situation as far as I can tell.


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 11th 2018, 12:43 AM

I know it sounds stupid, especially that last bit. But then if I don't take it seriously, everybody laughs off their mocking of me and I gotta continue to put up with it and have the blatant rudeness ignored for the rest of the time


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Re: I should love or at least appreciate my family so, why? - March 11th 2018, 12:58 AM

Thanks. I just give up easily. Even after that session I had yesterday, I still give up really easily and feel the need to leave. I just cannot be bothered staying in a place where people are shittalking me, especially if I can't really do shit about it. If it was at school, at least I'd be able to slap them in the face or talk back without losing my stuff even if I don't financially own it. I know that only a fucking idiot would bother reacting but it's hard not to and honestly, if that's what it takes to get them to shut the fuck up or at least find some peace of mind no matter how temporary, I'll do it. That's the thing though. I tend to mistake doing the wrong thing to get peace for doing the right thing. I pick the easiest solutions because it's less time-consuming and doesn't place me in further discomfort. but if every parent did that, then their kids wouldn't give a fuck about them. and yeah, my fam kinda did that to me throughout my entire life, but that doesn't mean I gotta lower myself to their level. It's not even like I want to. I just want the mind games to end. I just wanna be left the fuck alone for once, while I'm grieving over shit or otherwise. The thing that pisses me off the most though, is that I do this for them already. I give them what they want emotionally. And they just never do the same for me. And I doubt they ever will. They're too fucked up by their childhoods and they don't embrace change in themselves at all. So I'll just have to sit with it and deal until I can leave. They're getting me a financial card next week or something and yeah, they assure of this stuff when it comes to the physical. but mentally and emotionally speaking, I just don't want them to fucking go near me there anymore. I don't even need their love or compassion anymore. I just need them to stay the fuck away from me. I'm sick of them being chill and then just exploding all over me whenever they feel like it, 'cause they don't need to give the shit about the effects of their outbursts (quiet or otherwise) but I do, 'cause I gotta live with myself for the rest of my life. So I wanna kill it now. Nip it in the bud before I move on


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