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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Dust and Ash

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My sister is coming to visit and may move in - May 11th 2018, 04:21 PM

So I have a sister (technically half since we only have the same father), and she is 18. She is graduating next week and after that she is going to come and stay 2 months with us.

I'm so nervous though.

Before this year, I only saw her for a few weeks. We used to not be close when we were younger, but with age and struggles we are so close now.

But she knows what has happened at home and I don't know all that my parents have told her. I don't know if they told her the truth or lied (most likely lied to her). I just don't want her to see me the way my parents see me. She is the only family member I trust 110%. We both have been through issues and we both have used drugs, but she has been clean (hopefully). My mom doesn't want my sister to live with us because of college, but honestly I don't care. If my sister wants to take advantage of free college where she lives, then yay. But if she wants to work here in town and pay for college here, then also yay. I just want to remain close and explain everything to my sister.

But I don't know how I can do that. I mean, I already am starting to get anxiety by talking to people, so how can I even talk to my sister? I'm scared that I'll shut down and she will never know the truth, and hate me.


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Re: My sister is coming to visit and may move in - May 12th 2018, 10:53 AM

The most important is your feeling relaxed around her, and to do this is to take one day at a time. When your sister asks you something, then tell her the best you can. Good conversations often happen when we are comfortable sitting with a friend or a relative when no words are needed to be spoken.



You could ask her to play a board game with you. Got a Monopoly board? These board games are such fun and help us to relax in the company of friends and family. Don't worry unduly of what your parents may or may not have told your sister. If she's wise enough not to be gullible, she'll make up her own mind and I doubt she will be judgemental in any way. Ask her about what she wants in life, what job or what she likes in movies and suchlike. It's a suck-it-and-see when relatives come to stay and it could become an interesting two months. You never know. But try and look on the bright side.


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Re: My sister is coming to visit and may move in - May 12th 2018, 12:34 PM

If your sister has been through similar issues as you and your parents tried to lie to her, she might be able to see right through them. What if you tried writing a note and leaving it around for her to read when she arrives? You could tell her what you told us here.

The two of you seem pretty close and it's awesome that you have your sister. I don't think your parents could break up your relationship with her. That kind of closeness is hard to change.


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Re: My sister is coming to visit and may move in - May 12th 2018, 11:24 PM

I agree that leaving a note for your sister might help. I also agree that if your sister has been lied too by your parents as well that chances are more than likely that she woun't believe them. It's great that you and your sister have this closeness with one another and she might be just the person to help you out with what you need.
   
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Re: My sister is coming to visit and may move in - May 13th 2018, 05:44 PM

Hello,

If your parents lied to your sister about what is going on it is possible that she did not believe it. If she knows how they are or has any reason to be suspicious of what they are telling her then it is likely that she did not believe them. If she did believe then talking to her is the best way to work through it. I know you said you were nervous about talking to her and I agree that writing a note could be a good idea. That way you will be able to express everything to her and she can come to you for more clarification. It is also possible that as you two interact while she is there your nerves about talking to her will decrease.

Wishing you the best.


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