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Johnny ace Offline
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24 years old and I'm still spanked by my mom - June 5th 2018, 01:19 AM

My mom just recently stopped spanking me with the paddle and all spankings altogether. She spanked me until I was 23 now she suddenly stopped and as much as I hated being spanked i also know that it worked. What do I do
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Re: 24 years old and I'm still spanked by my mom - June 5th 2018, 05:51 AM


I moved this to Friends & Family because it's an issue with your mom, but you didn't seem to feel as if it was abusive. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Your mom may have stopped spanking you because she felt as if you were too old for it now. Many people agree or disagree with whether or not spanking is an appropriate form of parenting, but those who find it appropriate tend to only do it in a person's early childhood. It is quite unusual for someone to be spanked into their twenties. It's also possible that you're at the age now where for any mistakes you do make, you'll gain experience from it and learn from youreslf why you shouldn't do that specific thing. So maybe your mom is trying to get you to learn things on your own.

You said spanking "worked." By this, I am assuming that you mean that when you are spanked, it serves as a consequence for whatever you did "wrong" or whatever rule you may have broken? I don't mean to be blunt, but you are an adult now and at this point have a bit of an idea what is right or wrong. So a lot of it comes down to remembering what lessons your mom may have taught you in the past and applying them to life in general. A lot of the rules parents have end up preparing us for adulthood and also teach us how to treat people. For example, rules about being rude or mouthy just remind us how we should talk to anyone in our lives. Even some smaller rules, such as not eating ice cream for breakfast, prepare us for eating healthy and making actual meals as an adult. So, try and think of some of the things that you've learned from your mom and apply those to your regular life.

Of course, nobody is perfect and there still will be things that you're unsure of. You can always ask your mom what the right thing to do in a certain situation is so that way you learn and know for next time. However, sometimes we do learn from experiecnce, meaning that we do have to make mistakes in order to learn and grow.

Maybe you can sit down with your mom and devise a plan with her. Let her know that you felt spankings worked for you as a consequence, and you are worried that now that you don't have this, you may make mistakes. I bet she can ease some of your concerns and help you feel less nervous. There will always be consequences for your actions, whether through your mother, an employer, a school, etc, so it's definitely better to learn things now.

Best of luck!


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Re: 24 years old and I'm still spanked by my mom - June 8th 2018, 10:45 AM

It's quite strange because mom has never beaten me or something like that.
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Re: 24 years old and I'm still spanked by my mom - June 8th 2018, 07:32 PM

It is not OK to spank you at age 23.
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Re: 24 years old and I'm still spanked by my mom - June 19th 2018, 12:20 PM

Hmm.. May be you should just talk to your mom about it, or may be tell your dad.
I have never been spanked my whole life. I don't think its okay since you are 23 and grown up.
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Re: 24 years old and I'm still spanked by my mom - June 27th 2018, 08:51 PM

Honestly, I don't think that spanking is an acceptable consequence no matter how young or old you are. It's hard for me not to recoil and be uncomfortable about people using physical violence against their child, after all, spanking is literally hitting your child as a punishment, and people have had their children apprehended by social services for far less. Anything more than a light swat isn't ok - if you're actually bending your kid over and need paddles in order to get more force / a larger sting when you hit your kid, then that makes it seem like you're using your anger as a way to punish your kid and teach them it's wrong, yet I feel like the anger is misplaced and it's just not an appropriate strategy. Plus, what if your kid did something bad at school? Are they going to come home and you tell them to bend over to be spanked for something that happened hours ago? No, probably, most parents would probably use other strategies for something that happened hours ago, such as telling them what they did was wrong, why, and if needed they'd apply an appropriate punishment, such as limiting their TV time or something... yet some how some parents thing it's ok to spank their kid when their kid sasses them or something, so this is why I don't think it's appropriate because it seems like it's only ok to use physical violence against your child as a punishment when they do something that angers you/you personally see happening, and that makes it seem like you're taking your anger out on them.

Of course, not everyone is going to agree with me and that is totally ok. If you don't agree, no need to comment on it, just know that I don't think spanking is appropriate at all ever and I am sorry that your mom thought it was acceptable to do that to you for such an extended period of time.

Mostly, I think even if you think that there is a time or place for spanking your kid, and certainly it gets to the point where you need to be teaching your kid how to pick between right and wrong on their own without the threat / hope of punishment and rewards. Like, it might be acceptable to let a 4 year old watch TV after they clean their room, but by the time the kid is a teenager, they shouldn't need this bribery to behave. It might be appropriate to take away said TV time for the same 4 year old for some misbehaviour, but again, by the time the kid is a teenager it shouldn't be like that any more, or at the very least it should change (e.g. if one of your kids friends is a bad influence, maybe you say they can't hang out any more, even if you know they might see each other at school). The promise/threat of tangible consequences/ rewards should reflect the age.

Certainly once your kid is an adult they bloody well have to figure out how to make appropriate decisions by themselves, unless said kid has mental development issues which would prevent them from making age appropriate decisions.

Even though you feel that spanking worked, I hope that once you've had time away from the threat of physical violence as a punishment if you make a bad choice, that you will become more comfortable with self regulation. After all, there is nothing wrong with making a bad choice, whether you went out and got drunk with friends (at 24 that's legal!), or maybe drove a bit too fast (bearing in mind that 10 km over the speed limit is slightly fast but not bordering on reckless) or accidentally hurt someone's feelings or anything else that is within the limits of the law.

Sure, if you drive very poorly, the cops give you a ticket, if you hurt someone's feelings, then they might be mad at you etc. I feel like as an adult, you should no longer need your mom to physically punish you for things you did wrong because there will be other consequences (e.g. having a hangover, a speeding ticket, a friend being mad at you) that would reinforce those missteps and cause you to reflect on your behaviour. By 24, you should be able to do this kind of self-reflection on your own without physical punishment. Of course, if your mom has been punishing you for well over a decade longer than she should've been (if at all), then you might just need some time to become comfortable with this self-regulation, but at the end of the day it should be ok.
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