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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dust and Ash

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My sister is acting like I don't exist - August 18th 2018, 02:31 PM

So my sister came to visit this summer. Everything was so fun for the first few weeks. We hung out, we watched movies, etc. Then suddenly, she started saying things like, "Oh how I wish we could drink." Somehow she convinced me to get some alcohol and she drank it all. I had to babysit her while she was drunk and she was constantly talking to her boyfriend late at night and early in the morning. She never apologized for keeping me from getting proper rest, and never told her boyfriend to stop when he called me names. I just... I want my sister back. She is so caught up in herself and doesn't even realize that I exist now. She will text me, then leaves me on read when I reply. She comes to me for advice, then shuts me out.
It feels like my sister isn't even my sister. It feels like she is a bad friend. I don't know how to handle this. She acts like I exist for one moment then shuts me out the next. Just... she ignores my texts, calls, and voicemails. I just want to talk to her, but how can I when she doesn't want anything to do with me?


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cynefin Offline
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Re: My sister is acting like I don't exist - August 18th 2018, 02:41 PM

Maybe you can contact her through text, email, or voicemail and let her know that you need to talk about something important. If she ignores you, you could try to schedule a serious conversation in person. If that doesn't work, you could also write a letter about how you're feeling and leave it in an area that you know she will find it.

Writing a letter will put "the ball in her court", so she'll need to make the next move. Writing a letter is also helpful in that you can take your time and form what you want to say, as well as erase and rewrite things when needed. You don't have that same advantage when you talk directly in person.

When you do tell her how you feel, try using I statements. An I statement could be something like "I feel sad when you ignore my messages" instead of "You're ignoring my messages". It sounds less accusatory and you're more likely to get a positive response that way.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Dust and Ash

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Re: My sister is acting like I don't exist - August 18th 2018, 03:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cynefin View Post
Maybe you can contact her through text, email, or voicemail and let her know that you need to talk about something important. If she ignores you, you could try to schedule a serious conversation in person. If that doesn't work, you could also write a letter about how you're feeling and leave it in an area that you know she will find it.

Writing a letter will put "the ball in her court", so she'll need to make the next move. Writing a letter is also helpful in that you can take your time and form what you want to say, as well as erase and rewrite things when needed. You don't have that same advantage when you talk directly in person.

When you do tell her how you feel, try using I statements. An I statement could be something like "I feel sad when you ignore my messages" instead of "You're ignoring my messages". It sounds less accusatory and you're more likely to get a positive response that way.

I've already tried all of those things. She has the time to answer, she just chooses not to. I don't understand what I did to have her act this way towards me, and it's even harder since she lives in a different state now.


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cynefin Offline
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Re: My sister is acting like I don't exist - August 21st 2018, 02:54 PM

Even though your sister didn't reply it is good that you have done those things. You've tried, you know? Unfortunately, it seems like you've done everything you can do. You reached out and expressed your feelings and your sister kind of has to make the next move. That is ultimately up to her; she has to make the choice for herself and if she doesn't contact you or talk to you, that is a choice she has made and it likely isn't because of something you did. It probably has more to do with something she's going through.


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Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Dust and Ash

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Re: My sister is acting like I don't exist - August 21st 2018, 10:39 PM

Yeah, you're right. But I have some good news! My sister finally messaged me back, but it was simply to tell me that she has a kitten. I think this subject can be closed now. I've got the answers I need.


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Hypothesis. Offline
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Re: My sister is acting like I don't exist - August 22nd 2018, 02:47 AM

I'm so glad you've got the answers you need and I hope things continue to look up! Closing upon your request.


   
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