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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SS x Vengeance Offline
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Unhappy Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 05:15 PM

Sorry for the long story guys, thank you to who ever is willing to read it and help me out. I just want to give you the whole story so you can accurately help me.

-

So two days ago I cooked some mac & cheese and then ended up walking away for 3 damn minutes to offer my sister some. My mom starts freaking out at me to get back downstairs and clean up what I pulled out. The thing is, is that she didn't give me a chance to do that. I already planned on cleaning up after I gave my sister some and then ate some myself! But whatever, I go down, eat and then pick up my mess.

Okay, so time passes and then my mom barges into my room and throws clothes on my bed. She was in a really pissed off mood. You know, just giving attitude to everyone. I guess my sister said something to her that set her off. So she was freaking out like she did earlier when I made some food. Well then her mood escalated. I stayed in my room because I didn't want to deal with her. But I could hear her screaming at my dad while my sister is on the stairs and shes saying how he doesn't act like a parent so as far as she's concerned, he's not one. And how he doesn't do anything around here. Which is a LIE. Because my mom yells at my dad to clean but then when he does, she yells at him to stop and says, "this house already looks like a sh*thole, doing the dishes isn't going to make a difference."

Anyways, moving on. Back to the part where shes yelling at my dad. Well I can hear everything so I was just chillin on my bed listening to all of this go on. She ended up screaming, "I hate all of you, fuck you all!" My mom has never said that to us before... I don't know what's wrong with her. I mean, she freaks out like that but it keeps getting worse and worse. I don't know how to deal with it. She then grabbed a suitcase and started packing her stuff. She said she was going to live with her friend. And of course my dad gets upset and tries to calm her. She ends up staying. But what she wants is people to beg her to stay. She wants everyone to tell her that we can't live without her. But truth is, we can. I know if my mom left that would give me a bigger motivation to keep the house up and make the meals for my family just to show her that I don't need her.

Well yesterday, she came home from work automatically with an attitude. I barely even looked at her today. I could just hear her stomping around upstairs in her bedroom (which is right above my room) and yelling how she wants to leave. I guess my sister goes up and talks to my mom because my dad told her to go and apologize to try and make things better. She goes up there and starts talking to my mom and then says that she can't blame all of her problems on us and that set my mom off once again. She gets the suitcase and then packs her stuff. She threw the suitcase down the stairs and then takes it out to her car.

My dad's back trying to get her to calm down. And she does. She stays because he kissed her a*s by telling her that we need her to stay and such and such. Which I don't blame him for doing because I know he's doing that for us. He knows that things would get rough for our family if she left us.

Alright, well she once again didn't leave. Which I'm really getting sick of now because if she wants to threaten that she needs to just do it. I want her gone so I'll gladly escort her out to her car. Hell, I'll even carry her suitcase!

After that mess happened she just ended up going to bed. And she's just been hiding in her room and then when someone comes in there she literally screams a demonic pitched scream for them to get out.

Now is this what you would call a mid-life crisis? I don't know what to do. I really don't have the patience to deal with her so I'm going to end up blowing up back at her and then that'll turn ugly. I can't keep myself out of that situation forever when she comes and barges into my room!

Then I went to my boyfriends that same day just to get out of my house and when my dad picked me up from there he just automatically started yelling at me. Like he was freaking out so that the car was swerving to the side. My dad told me that he is going to get rid of me and my sister because he isn't going to let my mom walk out cuz he isn't going to take care of us. He said that's what mom's there for and if she's gone, you're leaving too.

When I got home I was freaking out. I was trying so hard not to cry but I did. It just sucks to know that your mom doesn't want you there and that your dad's okay with it. I was just crying hysterically and walking around my room just thinking of what to do. But that was the thing, I couldn't do anything. So then I was getting frustrated and I wanted something so badly to make me feel better. I looked in the medicine cabinets and couldn't find anything. I looked in the fridge and couldn't find anything and then I check my old weed box just in hope to find some shake in there but there was nothing. That's when i just laid on my floor and felt so helpless.

Later that night after 2 hours of straight up bawling, my sister ended up coming down and said that my dad said the same things to her too. But I learned that he also threatened to hit her if she didn't say sorry to my mother. This is the thing, my dad used to hit us when we were little. He was so mean then that I'm scared of the damage he could do to us now. So me and my sister were just wondering if we should just leave our house before they kick us out themselves. We were pretty dead set on leaving but then we came to realization that we would automatically put ourselves in the shithole if we don't just try and wait it out.

And so yeah. That was last night. Now I'm just waiting for my mom to come home today so I can see what's going to happen. I'm really sorry, I'm trying to say this stuff how it is instead of making it sound dramatic. Cuz my mom does that shit and it drives me crazy. Just thank you to anyone who read all of this and is willing to help. Anything you have to say is appreciated greatly.

I need help guys. Desperately.
   
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I'M SO SORRY! - May 28th 2009, 05:38 PM

Amanda, i am so sorry you have to go through this. it's obviously hell.

here's what i would do: next time she starts giving you her crap, give her crap right back. tell her how you don't need her problems directed towards you and your sister. it's not right. NO ONE deserves what your mother gives you guys. i'm so sorry i couldn't be anymore helpful.

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Re: Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 05:42 PM

^ I gotta disagree. Fighting violence with violence doesn't help. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Hi Amanda. [: I'm Katrina. Great to see you here; welcome to the boards. If you have any questions about the site or anything, I've been around awhile, so just let me know. I'm going to reply to this as I read it [paragraph by paragraph], so I apologize if something doesn't make sense at the beginning - I'll try to have all that cleared up by the end.

Yum, yum. Mac and Cheese is always very tasty. Sod's Law, of course, that the minute you walk away from the food, your mom notices and starts to yell at you. Frustrating, eh? I think you made the right choice of staying in your room and out of her way when she got into one of her moods - it's probably safe to say that's a good idea whenever she gets in one of her moods simply so you don't find yourself winding up in more trouble.

Yeah, I definitely don't think it's fair for your mom to be so angry at your dad for what seems like no reason, but I guess you need to let them work that one out on their own and try not to get yourself involved in their battles. I do think, however, since she seems to be acting so irrational, that you should start by talking to your dad and ask him if he knows if anything is going up and ask if there's any way you can help to pacify the situation.

I dunno what the deal with your mom is, Amanda. I don't understand why she keeps packing up her suitcase when she ultimately knows she's not going to leave. My guess would be that she's probably felt kind of unappreciated for a while, something happened that was the last straw, and now she's truly taking the brunt of it out on you guys. You know, maybe you should go talk to her? Tell her that while you do appreciate everything she's done for you for the last sixteen years, it's just not helping anyone to be pitching fits all over the place [and you should obviously word it better than that].

You guys all need to calm down, truly. Being frustrated and angry at each other isn't going to help anything. Everyone needs to give everyone else time to cool down, and everyone needs to realize that each member of your family plays a unique role in the family. Your parents need to respect you kids, but you guys really do need to try and respect your parents too, because everyone's strung out and on edge, and it just doesn't sound fun at all. It's completely silly for the whole house to have gone up in flames over some Mac and Cheese, but that sounds like it's what's happened.

As for your dad threatening to hit you, that's not okay under any circumstances. It wasn't okay when you guys were younger, and it's not okay now. If worse comes to worse and things become violent, you and your sister need to look into calling Child Services, because this just isn't right.

Anyway, I really do think everyone just needs some solo time to get themselves chilled out before they need to deal with anyone else. So, try to do that, and take care of yourself. Good luck. : )



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Re: Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 06:38 PM

Thanks guys. My first instinct is to bite back at my mom if she attacks me. I'm just that kind of person. It's just frustrating that I have a year and a half to go till I'm legally aloud to leave. But I have a place to go and I know some people that will take me in. They said that I have to go down to the court and get some papers to make me an adult so I can leave. Does anyone know how this works? Because I've heard of it, I'm just not familiar with it. And I'd really feel bad for leaving because I don't want to leave my sister there by herself. But then again, I don't want to stay there either. Ugh, I'm just in a really shitty situation.

Like, a lot of stuff has happened from 7th grade to now. Which I'm going to be in 12th grade when school starts up again. Basically in 7th grade I used to like to go out on walks by myself in the middle of the night and I ended up getting raped. So yeah, I know, plenty of people have already told me it's my fault. So I'm not blaming anyone else for that, I know it was all me. But that messed me up. Then that's when I got into bad things such as drinking and drugs. That all went up to my freshman year and then that's when I finally told my mom that something happened because it messed me up so much that I really couldn't hold it in anymore. She ended up putting me in counseling and making me take medication and that's where I've been ever since. I was doing great. I was getting better and everything was working out but now as this is happening my self destructive behavior is coming out again.

I don't think my mother is going to take me to my next counseling appointment though because she knows that I'm going to tell him what has been going on and she doesn't want to look bad. Except the thing is, is that he already sees through my moms fake image. So it doesn't really matter. I don't think he's going to be surprised. But that's going to be messed up if I don't get to see him because I really need to. I asked her for his business card so I could call him and just talk but she wouldn't give it to me and then I tried looking online and couldn't find the place. So I'm screwed. I don't really have any one else to talk to. I can't talk to my sister because I have to be strong for her, I can't show her that this is tearing me apart inside. Then I don't even have any friends so there's no one I can talk to right there. The only one I have on my side is my boyfriend. But I wish there was someone there who could actually help me do something about this.
   
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Re: Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 06:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrina View Post
^ I gotta disagree. Fighting violence with violence doesn't help. Two wrongs don't make a right.
well then. i was just trying to help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SS x Vengeance View Post
The only one I have on my side is my boyfriend. But I wish there was someone there who could actually help me do something about this.
i'm on your side too. don't worry about this. it should get better, i hope.


I'm not emo.
I just hate myself.

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HOPEITGIVESYOUHELL

Last edited by peppermintpenguin; May 28th 2009 at 06:44 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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Re: Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 07:23 PM

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Originally Posted by Katrina View Post
... you and your sister need to look into calling Child Services...
What would happen if I called them? I have a little brother too and I don't want things to really go wrong with him. I mean, it's only me and my sister that my parents don't like but if I call on my dad and they take us away, won't they take my brother too?
   
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Re: Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 08:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by peppermintpenguin View Post
well then. i was just trying to help.
I know. [: I think this is great, I just happen to disagree. That's okay, though! It's really nice of you to go through and answer all these threads. It shows compassion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SS x Vengeance
What would happen if I called them? I have a little brother too and I don't want things to really go wrong with him. I mean, it's only me and my sister that my parents don't like but if I call on my dad and they take us away, won't they take my brother too?
I'm going to be honest here and say that I'm not really sure. Perhaps, though, you could call the Family/Child Crisis Center in your area? They should be listed as that in the phonebook/online, but if you can't find any numbers, let me know and I'll help you look. Not only will they hopefully be able to diffuse your situation a bit now, but you can also probably ask for information if anything with your dad ever does happen [and I truly hope it doesn't!]. Okay, take care.



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Re: Help as to how I should deal with my mother. - May 28th 2009, 09:05 PM

Hey Amanda.

Your parents have no right to take their problems out on you and your sister. I obviously don't know why your mom keeps threatening to leave, but it's not right for her to expect everyone to beg her to stay. It's also not right for your dad to cater only to her and mistreat you and your sister.

The next time you see your counselor, tell him about what has been going on. I assume he knows that your dad has been abusive in the past? Let him know about the threats your dad has been making. If your mom refuses to take you to your counseling appointments, is there any place you can contact to find his number? If all else fails, go to a school counselor or call a helpline.

I honestly don't know what will happen. All I can do is tell you to hold on and call CPS if the violence escalates further.

I know it sucks to have parents who don't do what's in the best interests of their kids, and I'm sorry I can't be of more help. Take care.

P.S. Just thought I should let you know; being raped was not your fault! You don't deserve that. No one does. The only person at fault is the jerk who raped you.


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