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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Dust and Ash

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Am I selfish? - September 19th 2018, 07:42 PM

So my ex, who I'm supposed to be friends with or whatever, posted on her snapchat that some "mysterious" person keeps throwing temper tantrums and having mental breakdowns over arguments, and that they make it all about themselves.

Yeah, that mystery person is me.

She told me that I use 'I' sentences a lot and that I never made it about her, yet I did E V E R Y T H I N G for her.

And she got mad at me because I wanted answers and confided in other friends, who she doesn't like and vice versa. She has called me selfish so many times and just... I'm starting to wonder if maybe she is right. I've spent so far my whole life to serving others and putting everyones happiness above my own. Is that me being selfish? I don't know anymore.

But like I don't mean to get upset easily or have mental breakdowns every time I get in an argument with someone. It just happens. I can't handle people yelling at me because of my past. And now I don't know if her and I are even going to be friends or just be strangers who are okay with each other. I feel like she has taken away all of my friends that I used to hang out with and just... I try. I really do.


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Re: Am I selfish? - September 20th 2018, 01:48 AM

Hey Aiyannah,

It really seems like you are absolutely not selfish. Selfish people put themselves before others to an extreme extent, and considering you put others first you are not selfish. Honestly there isn't way for you to be selfish.

You've mentioned in other posts the things you've done for her and it does sound like you are trying to be as understanding as possible and she is just ignoring all your efforts. I also know I've said before that I think you should stop being friends with her but with all these things she's been posting about you, I'm going to say it again. She seems like she's toxic and you don't have to continue being friends with someone like that.

Do you have other friends you can talk to? Even just to ask them to tell you if they think you're selfish so they can reaffirm that you're not. Talking to a parent or a teacher about the kind of things she has been posting about you would also be a good idea so you have an adult that is able to stop her from doing those kinds of things. It might be good to have another person step in and stop the situation getting worse.

I'm sorry that these kinds of things are happening to you, you really don't deserve them. Hopefully the situation calms down soon.

Take care.


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Dust and Ash

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Re: Am I selfish? - September 20th 2018, 05:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophrosyne View Post
Hey Aiyannah,

It really seems like you are absolutely not selfish. Selfish people put themselves before others to an extreme extent, and considering you put others first you are not selfish. Honestly there isn't way for you to be selfish.

You've mentioned in other posts the things you've done for her and it does sound like you are trying to be as understanding as possible and she is just ignoring all your efforts. I also know I've said before that I think you should stop being friends with her but with all these things she's been posting about you, I'm going to say it again. She seems like she's toxic and you don't have to continue being friends with someone like that.

Do you have other friends you can talk to? Even just to ask them to tell you if they think you're selfish so they can reaffirm that you're not. Talking to a parent or a teacher about the kind of things she has been posting about you would also be a good idea so you have an adult that is able to stop her from doing those kinds of things. It might be good to have another person step in and stop the situation getting worse.

I'm sorry that these kinds of things are happening to you, you really don't deserve them. Hopefully the situation calms down soon.

Take care.
Thank you so much for the advice. I actually deleted and blocked her number from my phone. Lots of my friends have actually stepped in to help in the past few days and they won't let her anywhere near me. I'm thankful for these friends. I now understand how toxic she is and I'm staying as far from her as possible. I have told my mom about the current events and she said if things continue any further that she would go to the school herself and make sure she says away from me.

Again, thank you so much for the advice.


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Re: Am I selfish? - September 21st 2018, 06:37 AM

Taking care of yourself and respectfully reaching out to people for advice is not selfish. Sometimes the ones we love can be kind of toxic to us in certain situations and it might be best to leave then. Which I see you have and have gotten support. I wish you well, my dearest friend


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