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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Nerak Offline
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Name: Karen
Age: 31
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Location: Canada

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Join Date: March 11th 2009

Living with my sister (Kind of long...) - May 28th 2009, 07:18 PM

So last year I was traveling Canada for 9 months. When I returned home, I moved back in with my parents. My sister asked if I wanted into an apartment with her and I agreed,.
We decided that I would pay $500 plus utilities wherever we lived. She choose a place that cost's 1400/month and claimed the underground parking and big room and we decided to call it even.

A few months ago, she told me that she felt I was having people over too much and it made her feel 'awkward' when people were over even when we were just watching a movie in my room. I had people over less not wanting to start anything.

Foward to last weekend. She took me out for dinner and we ended up getting drunk and going back to our place. I invited a couple people over and she did too. She has a habit of randomly, drunkenly taking her shirt off. Usually, she sticks to just her bra but that night, she took it all off (infront of MY friends she's never even met before).
They ordered Pizza and apparently she tried to bring the pizza guy up with her, then saw a guy in the apartment hallway and brought him instead. WAlking in, holding his hand she then took her shirt off (did I mention she has a steady boyfrined of 2 years?). She ended up crying when her friends left and my boyfriend was trying to be nice and comfort her.

I was gone for Saturday and I came home on Sunday seeing the place was still a huge mess. Knowing she had time all day Saturday to clean, I was a little upset and decided to clean my mess from the previous night. Getting into cleaning, I ended up doing a whole clean up (washing floors and everything!) and just piling her things (that were randomly throughout the place from weeks before) on the kitchen table.

I was sitting on the balcony with my boyfriend when she calls me in with a "Can I talk to you?" I go in and she points at the table and says "What is this?!" Nothing about how clean the place was, just why is her stuff on the table. She's mad at me and I finally (after a bit of an argument) say something along the lines of asking if she wants me to leave and she tells me yes, but I have to keep paying until Aug (when I'm moving away).
I tell her that I TECHNICALLY don't have to as her name is on the lease (something she's brought up before to claim that she has ultimate pull in any situation) and she says "Maybe mom will be able to remind you of our agreement!" And then calls our mother. I wanted nothing to do with that so I say go back outside.

She comes out, holding the phone saying "Mom wants to talk to you." My boyfriend (yes, he should have but) says "That's so childish!" And my sister tells him she'd like it if he'd stay out of it. I vent to my parents and my dad suggests I write things down to give to my sister about what's wrong with everything.

Next day. My boyfriend is over and we're watching TV in my room. "Can I talk to you for a second?" I go out and she tells me "I'm going out for a couple hours and when I'm back, I want him out of here." I told her she didn't have that much of a say and she said "I do. My name is on the lease." I told her I can't promise he'd be gone and she said "I'll find someone who will make sure he's gone." and walks away.

I end up writing all the things down and leaving it on the kitchen table and I leave to go to my boyfriends house. In it, I tell her to let me know if she wants to talk or to consider the letter my one month's notice. She said nothing about it. Yesterday, after her not talking to me, I was heading out and I said "So, are you just going to keep not talking to me?" and she said "You could have said something too." I told her "I did. I wrote the letter and it said to let me know." She says "I didn't have time to respond yet." I leave.

She could have said "Let's talk! Let's plan a time/day we can." Instead she's not saying anything. I'm thinking of just telling her that since she's not willing to talk about anything (she just wants to make a big deal out of everything), she has my one month.

Now, I know she can't afford the place on her own and has nobody lined up to move in. I'm just scared that she's going to have to borrow money from my paretns or something and I don't think this should be their problem. I just don't know if I should give her the one month or try to stick it out until Aug. I'd be moving in with my boyfriend if I move out and be paying WAY less rent.

I'd like to give the one month but I want to be fair.
Ugh, help?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Lorelei Offline
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Name: Laura
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Re: Living with my sister (Kind of long...) - May 28th 2009, 08:38 PM

I don't know both sides of the story but from the looks of it, it seems like she is being rather childish. As long as you've been paying rent, cleaning up your messes in communal areas, compromising (having people over less often, letting her take the big room, etc.), and keeping the noise level down at night, I don't see why she would be upset with you.

If you want to try to make it work with her, maybe have a last ditch attempt to talk it out. Request that she writes down any complaints she has, and you do the same. Ask her when she has time to sit down and talk with you so you can work the problems out. If she refuses, you can tell her that your one month notice still stands.

If you decide you want to move out, give her rent for the last month you'll be staying with her, and make sure you definitely have a place to live. (If you'll be living with your boyfriend, sit down with him and work out an agreement beforehand so there's no confusion when you move in.)

Family relationships can be tough sometimes, but it'll work out eventually. Best of luck!

"How dare I? Because it is the truth." -Jane Eyre

"You do what you love, and f#%* the rest." -Little Miss Sunshine
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kind, living, long, sister

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