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Why donít people want to be friends with me - October 26th 2018, 08:37 PM

I really donít understand it I never had any friends after elementary school people just ignore me or laugh behind my back I really donít understand it Iím acting normal to people but still I get hate for no reason even when I do activities like skateboarding even those kinda people just laugh at me for no reason I just want best for every one. Any tips or any advice?


it takes a strong man to deny whats right in front of him and if the truth is undeniable you create your own
   
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - October 26th 2018, 10:16 PM

Are you sure that literally no one likes you? I ask because I know where you're coming from -- at different points in my life I felt isolated or was being bullied or both and thought no one liked me but there were certainly people who liked me and when I speak with those people nowadays about how I felt, most of them are surprised because they liked me.

I notice that you say that you are trying to "act normal" or do things like skateboarding to get people to like you.

First of all, do you even like skateboarding? If not, don't do it. There's no point in participating in optional activities that bring you no joy and that you have no interest in pursuing. It's kind of hard to develop genuine relationships based around an activity you don't like simply because you perceive it as cool and feel like people will like you if you do that cool thing. Rather, do the things you do like, even if it's nerdy or weird, because that's how you will find your people. For example, if you like yoga, you can join a yoga studio and go to the extra things they have (e.g. my yoga studio does things like pot lucks, community hikes etc.). If you like video games or comic books, try to find groups in your community that support that -- maybe branch out into trying cosplay or that thing that's like cosplaying + acting. You can even try new things, like joining a standard gym, crossfit gym, or martial arts gym.

Secondly, why do you think you have to "act normal"? What behaviours do you feel like you have to alter to get people to like you? Why are those things a problem? And can you accurately assess why it is a problem in a way that isn't making you feel like crap about yourself? I feel like it's probably not helpful to try to change fundamental parts of who you are to conform if you're doing it out of a place of self-loathing because, idk, how successfully can you really do this? It sounds like it's not working for you to try to change who you are and, to be honest, if you said it was working, I would be surprised. Here's a good example; sometimes people think I talk too much. That's an identifiable thing. However, if that's a reason for a person to despise me and treat me badly, that's a whole other story. I'm not going to change that behaviour to make people like me because, frankly, I don't want to get people to like me on a false principle. Instead, I am just mindful of when it's appropriate for me to talk a lot. So at work, I have to tell myself to talk less and to check in (e.g. I shouldn't dominate a meeting with talking too much, especially if it's what I want to talk about versus the actual meeting topic, and I shouldn't talk to a coworker for 20 minutes in an area where people are trying to work, etc.), while it doesn't make people become my friends, it lessens the reasons that might cause people to become adverse to me. I'm not changing who I am though, I am simply being mindful of the when. If you have similar tendencies, it's one thing to be mindful in a classroom or at work but another to change who you are at a party, you know.

I hope that makes sense, and I'd love to help more with some more specifics.
   
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - October 27th 2018, 09:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Are you sure that literally no one likes you? I ask because I know where you're coming from -- at different points in my life I felt isolated or was being bullied or both and thought no one liked me but there were certainly people who liked me and when I speak with those people nowadays about how I felt, most of them are surprised because they liked me.

I notice that you say that you are trying to "act normal" or do things like skateboarding to get people to like you.

First of all, do you even like skateboarding? If not, don't do it. There's no point in participating in optional activities that bring you no joy and that you have no interest in pursuing. It's kind of hard to develop genuine relationships based around an activity you don't like simply because you perceive it as cool and feel like people will like you if you do that cool thing. Rather, do the things you do like, even if it's nerdy or weird, because that's how you will find your people. For example, if you like yoga, you can join a yoga studio and go to the extra things they have (e.g. my yoga studio does things like pot lucks, community hikes etc.). If you like video games or comic books, try to find groups in your community that support that -- maybe branch out into trying cosplay or that thing that's like cosplaying + acting. You can even try new things, like joining a standard gym, crossfit gym, or martial arts gym.

Secondly, why do you think you have to "act normal"? What behaviours do you feel like you have to alter to get people to like you? Why are those things a problem? And can you accurately assess why it is a problem in a way that isn't making you feel like crap about yourself? I feel like it's probably not helpful to try to change fundamental parts of who you are to conform if you're doing it out of a place of self-loathing because, idk, how successfully can you really do this? It sounds like it's not working for you to try to change who you are and, to be honest, if you said it was working, I would be surprised. Here's a good example; sometimes people think I talk too much. That's an identifiable thing. However, if that's a reason for a person to despise me and treat me badly, that's a whole other story. I'm not going to change that behaviour to make people like me because, frankly, I don't want to get people to like me on a false principle. Instead, I am just mindful of when it's appropriate for me to talk a lot. So at work, I have to tell myself to talk less and to check in (e.g. I shouldn't dominate a meeting with talking too much, especially if it's what I want to talk about versus the actual meeting topic, and I shouldn't talk to a coworker for 20 minutes in an area where people are trying to work, etc.), while it doesn't make people become my friends, it lessens the reasons that might cause people to become adverse to me. I'm not changing who I am though, I am simply being mindful of the when. If you have similar tendencies, it's one thing to be mindful in a classroom or at work but another to change who you are at a party, you know.

I hope that makes sense, and I'd love to help more with some more specifics.


Yes I love skateboarding I have been doing it since Iím 9 and I already go to the gym but no matter what people just ignore me


it takes a strong man to deny whats right in front of him and if the truth is undeniable you create your own
   
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - November 1st 2018, 02:23 AM

There must be some deficiency in your appearance or personality to generate this response. People are naturally socially positive. Please review your look and approach to strangers. Perhaps psychological assistance will aid you in isolating causes for rejection and ridicule?
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - November 9th 2018, 06:34 AM

I think you should think well, maybe in fact everything is not as bad as it seems?
   
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - November 9th 2018, 03:55 PM

ask your parents
   
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - November 9th 2018, 08:56 PM

I will be your friend
   
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Re: Why donít people want to be friends with me - November 12th 2018, 05:11 AM

Want me to be your friend? Write me a personal sms
   
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