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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Being accused - December 4th 2018, 09:46 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well my own family are accusing me of child abuse, I accidentally caught my daughter with my nail and they instantly thought I had did it on purpose. I would never harm my own child on purpose, I would rather die than harm her. I feel so angry about it right now. I just want live my life with my daughter without being accused of something I'm not capable of. She is my world, my rock and she means everything to me. I honestly can't believe that they think this of their own daughter. I even heard them talking to my daughter behind my back saying "tell us the truth did she hit you?" and my daughter said the truth, that I had caught her by accident with my nail yet I'm still being accused. I honestly would never harm her. I love her to pieces, I can't mean much to my family if they can think that I am even capable of such a thing.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 10:16 PM

I am so sorry that your family would think such a thing of you. You might need to confront them and tell them upfront how this makes you feel and how much your daughter means to you. If this doesn't get through to them then at least you said your peace to them and you may have to cut negative baggage which I can't even imagine because my family is my rock.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 10:19 PM

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I am so sorry that your family would think such a thing of you. You might need to confront them and tell them upfront how this makes you feel and how much your daughter means to you. If this doesn't get through to them then at least you said your peace to them and you may have to cut negative baggage which I can't even imagine because my family is my rock.

I have confronted them before about stuff like this as it isn't the first time they have accused me and they just never listen. Accidents happen, I feel bad enough that I hurt her let alone being accused of doing it on purpose. I wish my family was my rock, they never support me or anything
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 10:24 PM

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I have confronted them before about stuff like this as it isn't the first time they have accused me and they just never listen. Accidents happen, I feel bad enough that I hurt her let alone being accused of doing it on purpose. I wish my family was my rock, they never support me or anything
That is awful. Like I said, my therapist says there are times you have to eliminate negative people from your life to make your life better. In your case that is unfortunately extremely difficult because it is your own family. I can't sit here and tell you what to do, but if you want to move on and be happy you may just have to consider that. I am so sorry.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 10:46 PM

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That is awful. Like I said, my therapist says there are times you have to eliminate negative people from your life to make your life better. In your case that is unfortunately extremely difficult because it is your own family. I can't sit here and tell you what to do, but if you want to move on and be happy you may just have to consider that. I am so sorry.
I think your right about me needing to cut them off, its so hard with it being my parents and my daughter's grandparents. But they will only have themselves to blame if it comes to that. I have tried reasoning with them, but they never listen and expect everyone to be perfect parents. They weren't perfect parents, and some of the stuff happened in my childhood is much worse than an accident that happened with my daughter. They accuse me of abuse yet that's exactly what they did with me. Locked me in my room when I was just a kid from morning till bedtime, only time the door opened was for meal times, my dad has even hit me. The last time he hit me I was 17 and he never hit me again after that because I hit him back and he didn't expect me to.

I don't see how they can accuse me of such things, yet they have done stuff to abuse me as a child. Maybe I should just cut them out of my life, I don't know if they can be trusted around my daughter anymore after what they have accused me of. They think that because I have brain damage that I can't be a good mum and that I must be up to something, what does brain damage have to do with anything? Yes my brain can be really slow but that does not effect the way I look after my daughter. Yes I can stressed when my brain doesn't work the way it should but I make sure not to be too stressed around my daughter.

I just wish they would stop this, I am trying to a good mum, I provide for her, I take care of her and I have unconditional love for her. We are practically best friends and I feel like they are trying to take this from me
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 11:37 PM

It will be a hard decision for sure, but I think for you and your daughter it just might be the best. You are so right that having brain damage and being slow doesn't mean you you can't take care of your daughter. I think if you cut ties with your parents they will see their mistakes and try to get back into your life and apologize for what they have done.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 11:43 PM

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It will be a hard decision for sure, but I think for you and your daughter it just might be the best. You are so right that having brain damage and being slow doesn't mean you you can't take care of your daughter. I think if you cut ties with your parents they will see their mistakes and try to get back into your life and apologize for what they have done.
It is the best thing for me and my daughter. Tomorrow I am going to cut all ties with them. Hopefully they will see what they have done and realise that they might just have a chance to fix it if they change toward me.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 4th 2018, 11:53 PM

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It is the best thing for me and my daughter. Tomorrow I am going to cut all ties with them. Hopefully they will see what they have done and realise that they might just have a chance to fix it if they change toward me.
That is what I am thinking will happen. I highly doubt a mom and grandmom will want to lose all ties with there daughter and grand daughter for good.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 5th 2018, 01:20 AM

My father had a similar issue, expect CPS was actually called. My mom's parents caused him of abusing us because we would say no to things that follow kid's or girl's stereotypes. (I said no to going to Disney land because I was afraid of heights, and small crowded spaces.). My sister also went to one of those "Rich but not rich enough to go to private school" schools and her teachers would find marks of her being a kid (she didnt even notice them) and called CPS.

Not sure what to do about the family, but I can tell you this:
If they end up calling CPS, they won't take your daughter away. Not for a little thing like that. They actually want to help people be better parents or in this case, will probably give you quick advice on such situations of family accusing you of hurting her. They won't call you out, and in your case, they'll take your side. They're good people, and will help you. No harm done.



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Re: Being accused - December 5th 2018, 01:50 AM

I agree with Doglover2, even if CPS did get involved, they're not likely to take your daughter away because they'd investigate and realize it wasn't true. Fortunately it hasn't come to that, but at least there's that.

I think that it is unfortunate that they're accusing you of abuse, even when your daughter told them it was a legit accident and stuff, it sounds like this wasn't 1 conversation but a drawn out issue. What exactly do they expect you to do? Confess to abusing your kid? And then what? Do they get to keep her? Do they call CPS? Or are they just trying to make your life miserable?

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Even if they thought you'd hit her, the way they're going about this is all wrong. Have you brought up cutting off ties? How do you feel about that?
   
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Re: Being accused - December 5th 2018, 11:44 AM

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I agree with Doglover2, even if CPS did get involved, they're not likely to take your daughter away because they'd investigate and realize it wasn't true. Fortunately it hasn't come to that, but at least there's that.

I think that it is unfortunate that they're accusing you of abuse, even when your daughter told them it was a legit accident and stuff, it sounds like this wasn't 1 conversation but a drawn out issue. What exactly do they expect you to do? Confess to abusing your kid? And then what? Do they get to keep her? Do they call CPS? Or are they just trying to make your life miserable?

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Even if they thought you'd hit her, the way they're going about this is all wrong. Have you brought up cutting off ties? How do you feel about that?
They are just trying to make my life miserable. This morning I cut all ties with them, I am hoping now things will start and get better now and me and my daughter can live our lives in peace.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 5th 2018, 04:46 PM

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They are just trying to make my life miserable. This morning I cut all ties with them, I am hoping now things will start and get better now and me and my daughter can live our lives in peace.
Making you life miserable is something you should not have to live with. You should be focusing on making a happy life for you and your daughter.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 5th 2018, 09:14 PM

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Making you life miserable is something you should not have to live with. You should be focusing on making a happy life for you and your daughter.
Yep I am focusing on just me and my daughter from now on
   
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Re: Being accused - December 5th 2018, 10:16 PM

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Yep I am focusing on just me and my daughter from now on
A lot of times to be happy you have to focus on just you and the things that matter the most.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 6th 2018, 12:33 AM

Is there anyone who can intervene, such as a trained mediator, in the event this doesn't resolve? Social service agencies in your community might have volunteer mediators who'd be willing to work with your family.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 6th 2018, 11:32 AM

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Is there anyone who can intervene, such as a trained mediator, in the event this doesn't resolve? Social service agencies in your community might have volunteer mediators who'd be willing to work with your family.
I will have a look and see if there is any help around for me. Somebody told me to get into contact with social services myself and tell them what is going on and they might be able to help
   
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Re: Being accused - December 6th 2018, 03:52 PM

It might be worth it to do that, to be honest, I'm not sure how things work where you live, but the last thing you want is your family reporting you and having it look worse, if you and your daughter reach out to let them know what your family is doing, they might be able to help with mediations, make sure you and your daughter are safe, etc
   
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Re: Being accused - December 6th 2018, 10:21 PM

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It might be worth it to do that, to be honest, I'm not sure how things work where you live, but the last thing you want is your family reporting you and having it look worse, if you and your daughter reach out to let them know what your family is doing, they might be able to help with mediations, make sure you and your daughter are safe, etc
I am going to look into it all tomorrow thanks for all of the advice means a lot to me
   
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Re: Being accused - December 6th 2018, 10:38 PM

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, Michaela. I don't believe you would want to harm your daughter. I've seen your posts on here, you are a caring person. I agree in utilizing third party support, such as a mediator, to work out the problems between you and your family. It's really unfortunate they are doing this to you, but they need another set of eyes and a new voice to tell them that what they're doing to you is wrong. It's only hurting you and your daughter.

All the best.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 7th 2018, 12:18 PM

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I'm so sorry this has happened to you, Michaela. I don't believe you would want to harm your daughter. I've seen your posts on here, you are a caring person. I agree in utilizing third party support, such as a mediator, to work out the problems between you and your family. It's really unfortunate they are doing this to you, but they need another set of eyes and a new voice to tell them that what they're doing to you is wrong. It's only hurting you and your daughter.

All the best.
I am going to get help from social services, they said they are there for me and know that I am not harming my daughter, my social worker is great, kind and caring. Maybe now things will start looking up for me and my daughter and we can leave everything else in the past.
   
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Re: Being accused - December 7th 2018, 03:27 PM

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I am going to get help from social services, they said they are there for me and know that I am not harming my daughter, my social worker is great, kind and caring. Maybe now things will start looking up for me and my daughter and we can leave everything else in the past.
Michaela, this is so great to hear.
   
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