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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Arrow The dichotomy of father/son, anger/"respect" - May 29th 2009, 11:28 PM

One of the really interesting things that I could never understand is relating to songs that have complicated and angry father & son relationships - in a lot of them is a sense of the father never being around and when he is being a bad father who doesn't see anything as good enough. I even had it in something I wrote, giving the troubled character arguing "INVISIBLE" parents with an abusive father... or parents not "in" their son's life with an abusive father.

My adoptive father and I have a rather good relationship, so I couldn't understand where all of this was coming from it and I reflected it upon him at times.

Only recently did I find where all of this anger came from. When the primordial wound opened every issue concerning my adoption rose to the surface. I think the real crack in the core was when a girl I was interested in asked me what I thought about abortion - I told her that I didn't believe in it at all and didn't accept adoption, but saw it as a better alternative, then told her that if I ever became a father I'd NEVER abandon her. That was the first time I explored those thoughts. After a while, I understood...

It wasn't my adoptive father that all of these feelings were coming from, it was my birth father. The guy who impregnated my birth Mom then ran away leaving her alone and defenseless, giving her the impression that I'd have a better life away and she sent me to be adopted when I was born.

The thing that interests me the most is the dichotomy of the "relationship" I have with my invisible birth father; the classic father/son rebellions and hardships that I see many others having, just to a more intense degree - he left. On one hand I hate him for what he did to me and my Mom, that he got her pregnant and ran away from his responsibilities as a father. On the other hand I still want to meet him and want to make him proud. Having no idea of the kind of man he was a lot of positive and negative attributes that I can't connect back to my parents float back towards him... one of the negatives was having no physical contact with a girl at all, I started feeling afraid that one day I'd take advantage of a girl when she was drunk or passed out - fear of becoming my father. On the other hand is the feeling of being a protector, running in to save people rather than away - wanting to be like my father, even though I'm not sure if that's where it came from. The picture I get is that of the lone wolf out on the road having sex with random women, picking up and driving off again...

When my adoptive Mom approached me about adoption, she thought my anger was targeted against my birth Mom. When in reality the anger is aimed at my birth father, my birth Mom and I were his victims. It's odd, no matter how hard I want to hate him, I can't - not completely, I still see myself as his son and want to make him proud. I want to and don't want to be his son, it's not like I got to choose my father...

Don't know why I posted this, just kinda a confused rant of sorts.
   
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Re: The dichotomy of father/son, anger/"respect" - May 29th 2009, 11:47 PM

Hey Josh,

I wasn't adopted or anything, but I think I've had quite an experience when It comes to my parents. My mother got into drugs at an early age, and was impregnated by my father. He left when I was very young. I remember sitting outside our trailer waiting for him to come over... He wouldn't come, or he'd be extremely late. One day, I was sitting, and thought to myself. "He's not coming." And I think that was the day that I took on the thoughts I had towards my father.

My sisters and I suffered, along with my mother, because he wasn't there. I had to grow up with a single mom, and two sisters, me being the oldest. It wasn't fair, and I had to grow up fast and hard. I still suffer form his absence in my life, and I wish he was there.

I'm 18 now, and he's decided that he wants to make things right. Now that I hear him out, I'm probably closer to my father than I am my mother. I'm more like him. There's a certain beauty of it. I think I received certain gifts or talents from my parents. I have my mothers constant worry in some aspects. I have a gift and passion for writing and literature. I even compared one of my fathers poems to mine, and then read mine, and could see similarities that just screamed, "you're like your father." Even though I didn't grow up with him around all the time.

You're not alone with your feelings about your father. Heck, I almost started crying while I typed this. There are people in this world that truly feel your pain. Along with the void that may or may not become filled once again. The only thing I know, Is that the time we had when we were children, can never be replaced.


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