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Question Idk - June 15th 2019, 09:16 PM

So, I have, like a pre-problem?
So anyway, my friend and I were watching this movie in class, and in it, there was a girl, and my friend started talking about her and she said this statement;
"Where did she get that dress, a thrift shop?"
And I laughed. I laughed even though something inside me knew that she really shouldn't have said that. I laughed because I didn't want the other kids in class to make fun of me.
One of my other friends gets clothes from thrift shops. Not because she can't afford it or something, so don't make fun of her. She gets them because she just likes them, and also because they're good for the environment.
So, I don't know. This happened yesterday, and it wasn't really that big of a deal, so I've been trying to let it go. But something inside me just really feels... wrong. By her comment, and for my friend, and because I laughed. So I just feel really weird, and I don't know what to do.
   
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Re: Idk - June 15th 2019, 10:19 PM

Hi, Jenna,

It's incredibly sweet and thoughtful of you to be thinking of your friend in this way. I've also been in similar situations and experienced this kind of guilt. Guilt isn't always a bad thing (as long as it doesn't consume us completely), as it's a way of letting us know that we've acted in a way that's inconsistent with our values. We all do this at one time or another, and it doesn't mean we're bad people! Rather, by listening to what our feelings are telling us, we can take steps to better ourselves and learn and grow from our mistakes.

Peer pressure can be incredibly powerful. Believe me, I've been there! It's understandable that you would be afraid of getting teased by the other kids. You don't have to make a big show of standing up for your friend, but if this happens again, you could say very calmly and politely, "Hey, I actually have a friend who shops at a thrift store. Did you know it's actually better for the environment, and that they can actually have some pretty cute stuff there?" Your other friend might learn something that she didn't know before!

If you find that the situation is still bothering you, you can bring it up to your friend again by saying something like, "I've been thinking about the comment you made yesterday about the thrift store, and it made me feel a little uncomfortable because I actually have a friend who shops at thrift stores." Any variation on that would work.

I know that you clarify that your friend doesn't shop at thrift stores because she can't afford things, and asked us not to make fun of her. Nobody here will do that, and even if she DID shop there for that reason, that would be okay! There is no shame in not having as much money or choosing to spend it wisely. Some people can only afford second-hand clothes, and that doesn't make them lesser people.

I hope this helps a little bit!

All the best,
Kylie
   
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Re: Idk - June 16th 2019, 06:12 AM

Thanks for your comment! It was really sweet, and it has a good sulution that I honestly don't know why I didn't think of it. I will do that. Have a good day/night.
   
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Re: Idk - June 17th 2019, 10:54 AM

Of course! I'm so glad it was helpful! I wish you the best of luck!

~Kylie
   
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Re: Idk - June 25th 2019, 08:44 PM

So I have an update. Sorry, I should have posted this a long time ago, but I had internet connection problems and other stuff.
Eventually, I did not say that to her. I was just scared she might get mad at me, and after this year, I'm moving to a different city, and we won't be attending the same school anymore or anything like that, so I just don't want to ruin our whole friendship. So I don't know if I should just let this slide or not, because it still worries me greatly from time to time.
Thanks!
   
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Re: Idk - July 2nd 2019, 04:07 PM

Hi, Jenna!

Thanks so much for the update! It's understandable that you would be nervous about telling her. Whether or not you do is ultimately up to you, and it depends what you feel is right. If the issue is still bothering you, it might not hurt to mention it to her, but if you don't want to risk stirring up any kind of drama before you move away, it's also okay not to say anything. I think it really depends on what you feel most comfortable with.

You could try to approach it in a nice way and just say, "Hey, I know I'm moving soon, so I don't want to create any drama or hard feelings, but I just wanted to let you know that I was a little hurt by what you said before about thrift shops. My friend actually shops at one..." Something like that!

I hope this helps a bit! I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

Take care,
Kylie
   
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