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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Growing apart - November 1st 2019, 04:01 PM

So I have a cousin who is just a bit younger than me and lives about 5 states away. We generally meet with their family once or twice a year, and when we were younger, we were best friends. We would snapchat pretty often, and over some summers we would Facetime for hours. We never used text too much (except to set up facetime dates) but as you can tell, we were pretty close.

However, recently, I feel like we've grown apart. It hurts to think that the friendship we had didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. I know that might not be true, but I believe I'm at least partially justified in saying so. Our families met up about a month before my birthday and they gave me a present then, but she never even texted me on my birthday. She also rarely even opens my snapchats anymore, and she's always been kinda bad at replying to texts. We don't really facetime anymore, and when we meet things feel sort of normal but I just feel like I don't mean nearly as much to her as I used to.

We shared so many ridiculous inside jokes, and I just miss her a lot. I don't really know how to talk to her about this without sounding clingy, because I do understand that she's busy. She just started college this year and is a lot more social than I am, so I know she's constantly doing something or another. But it doesn't take very long to sent a snaphat or a quick text to let someone know you're thinking of them, but it feels like I'm not important enough to her. I'm one of the things that gets cut out when she doesn't have time and it hurts.

Should I talk to her about this? How do you even bring something like this up to someone?
   
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Re: Growing apart - November 6th 2019, 07:43 AM

Hi there,

If you feel comfortable talking to your cousin about how you feel, I would if you are up for it. Sometimes, it's a lot better to get these kind of thoughts and emotions of your chest so they can be cleared up.

It is difficult to speak to someone about how you feel, but I would suggest telling her the truth and what you have just written. Maybe you can write down what you wish to tell her first before you speak to her.

I hope I helped and if you ever need anything, feel free to message me.


   
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Re: Growing apart - November 7th 2019, 07:20 PM

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you feel you and your cousin are growing apart. It's understandably upsetting for you when you used to be so close and worry that when your cousin gets busy, you get cut from her life. It's good that you understand that she is busy with college and is more social than you and it naturally may mean she doesn't have the time to talk as much as you used to. But you're feelings are also valid and as you say, it doesn't take much time to send a quick message every now and then.

I agree with the above in that in can be good to talk about how you feel with your cousin. It can be difficult to bottle feelings up and not let them affect you. Maybe you can say things like 'Hey, I know you are busy, but I miss talking to you. Remember when we used to set up facetime dates? Maybe we could try that again- what's your schedule like?' If you felt like it, you could mention that you worry you aren't as close as you used to be and that she means a lot to you and you hope she still feels the same way.

Even though it's great that you had such a close friendship with your cousin, I'm wondering if you have friends and other people in your life that you feel close to? Also, what things do you do that make you feel good about yourself? When we have a few (you don't need loads) of close friends and things that make us feel good, we may rely less on specific people to reassure us that we matter. Plus, it can help take your mind off things with your cousin, and may even give you more things to talk about when you do get to catch up!

That said, this distance doesn't mean that you don't matter to her as much anymore. You had a really close bond, and even though she has been busier these days, you will always be cousins, and no-one can take that away. You may be more distant these days, but there's always a chance to re-connect in the future!


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