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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Rivière Offline
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Name: Sarah
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I don't know why I bothered - April 20th 2020, 03:18 PM

In order to make income I've been taking online surveys and whatnot. I told my mum some time back I wanted to use the money I'd normally earn from the surveys and put towards my travel fees, to helping out with the electricity bill due to the quarantine. She said to just save it for the time being and maybe we can get some food with it. So that's what I've been doing. Saving it up so we can buy food with it.

Since I've got enough for a reasonable food shop, somewhere a little less up the road than the nearby shop because they're super expensive, I started suggesting we go out into town and do some shopping. I barely get to finish what I'm trying to say and she starts shaking her head at me. She refuses to let me finish speaking. She does this a lot, interrupting without letting a person finish and I try to tolerate it the best I can but quite frankly it ca get really frustrating at times, like today.

She continues shaking her head saying how she hasn't got any money. And I tell her that I've got money. I try to be all happy and excited because I could finally contribute again to the household. She interrupts again and shakes her head some more, and some more, and some more. Repeats what she just said. So I repeat that I have money. And she just looks at me also repeating, telling me how she has no money.

I continue to keep things light-hearted but also being somewhat serious because I was getting a bit fed up of her refusing to listen and just interrupting constantly. I make jokes saying how she's not listening and do the thing she does in pretending to be a child, I stomp one food and make a joke saying I need the bathroom. I go to the bathroom and come back, but by then she leaves and goes into the garden.

I follow her out into the garden to try and talk to her. She just gets very snippy with me saying she doesn't want to agree to something unless she knows the whole story. Underneath I was getting frustrated again because had she not interrupted me shaking her head over and over and actually listened to me, she would have 'known the whole story'. Then she claims that me stomping my foot (which again was in jest due to her doing similar jokes in the past) was something her mother did when she couldn't get her own way and that she 'has no time for it'. Sure, I could have probably picked a better, less childish joke. But that doesn't remove the fact that she could have just let me finish in the first place.

Had she let me finish telling her that I've managed to amass a good enough amount of money so we could go to town, buy food, come home and enjoy not having to worry, and she not have to spend any money... everything would have been ok.

It's like all she heard was 'spend money' in her head and instantly thought 'nope' without even bothering to care about what was being said.

I try so hard with her. I really do. I be patient and listen to her. I let her interrupt me on numerous occasions no matter how much it irritates me. Everyone tries with her. Sometimes it can just get too much.

She claims that her reason for interrupting is because 'she was raised that conversations are a two-way thing' and it's like... how can it possibly be a two-way conversation if a person can't even get their words out?

I know it's strongly suspected that I have ADHD, and that a common symptom of ADHD is constantly interrupting people, and that my issues likely stem from her... but my god, not even I'm this bad. I make sure to make a conscious effort not to interrupt people because of the very thing she does. It's so bad sometimes, like today. Where I couldn't even get a few words out without her shaking her head and interrupting me over and over just repeating herself.

I've tried to talk to her abut things. There's no point in me writing her notes because she doesn't listen. It was so bad today my uncle even saw me be physically upset. It was that bad. I was just so exasperated with her.


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Re: I don't know why I bothered - June 29th 2020, 09:15 PM

Hello Sarah,

I'm so sorry that you have not had a reply yet and I hope that you are doing okay or a little bit better.

When you are doing online surveys or you are doing something else so that you are able to save money is really smart to do. When you are doing this you are trying to get ahead so that when the time comes you are not having a hard time coming up with the money to pay for whatever it may be and I am so sorry that your mother was like that with you. When we are trying to save money sometimes it can be hard and I think that you are doing a great job. Maybe when you are going to do this again try to find a time when she is not around you and then you will not get upset with anything that she has to say to you. When you get upset with her try to walk away and find something to do to help calm yourself down for a while. Reading or drawing or painting or calling a friend or putting on a funny movie or TV show or going for a walk or something else that you enjoy doing for a while to help you out. I hope you will be okay soon. Sending you hugs to help.


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Rivière Offline
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Re: I don't know why I bothered - July 2nd 2020, 03:14 PM

Thanks for your reply Emma, I'd honestly forgot about this thread.

Things between my mother and I have eased up for the moment. She still continues to do her usual behaviour, but I think the reason why it bothered me so much at the time was due to it being closer to my period. Normally I'm ok but sometimes I can feel more irritated about little things when normally they'd not bother me at all. I've since explained the situation to my uncle and brother as well, so they know what really happened.

Currently my workplace is aiming to open up again by the end of the month so my focus has been on that, as well as little odd jobs around the house before I have no time to do anything else.


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Golfing girl Offline
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Name: Emma
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Re: I don't know why I bothered - July 2nd 2020, 11:59 PM

Your welcome I'm glad it is okay with you and your mom right now. I hope that it stays like this for you. Little and big things can upset us, don't be too hard on yourself. I wish you the best with your job opening up, sending you Hugs.


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