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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Never stops. - May 9th 2020, 07:19 PM

My older sister has been fighting with me, my parents and younger sister for over a month. It happens a few times a day, every day and a day or two will go by and then she will start yelling at all of us or just one of us. It's all because she can't see her boyfriend, because we can't leave our house. My dad, younger sister and and I went to the grocery store today to buy a mother's day cake for my mom, she was at work and we came home and our sister had her boyfriend over. My dad started yelling at her. I hate the yelling, it's never going to stop. I can't sleep a lot with all of this going on. My older sister doesn't care about anyone. Nothing I can do.


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Re: Never stops. - May 10th 2020, 09:33 AM

Hi Emma,

Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I'm sorry to hear about how rough it has been we are inevitably affected by the behaviour of our family members as much as we'd like to block it off. Since it is affecting your mood and even sleep, there has to be some intervention i.e. she cannot go on like this, especially given the already difficult quarantined circumstances we are in.

I think at this point, since the disciplining method (i.e. yelling at her) doesn't work, perhaps you might want to talk to your parents and see if they might want to try another method? Working out a compromise like - in return for allowing your sister to do virtual dates with her boyfriend, she needs to be more respectful and cooperative with everyone at home. Basically, an agreement that will placate her for the time being so that she doesn't vent her frustration on everyone else.

Another thing that you could do is see if you can get in touch with any of her close friends. If you manage to, you might want to tell them about what's going on, and see if they could indirectly coax her to behave otherwise. For example, a friend can call her and say something like "I'm unable to meet my boyfriend and I'm really sad, but I'm happing staying at home with my family so that we don't break social distancing rules and instead use this time to spend quality time with each other." If your sister hears her close friend saying something like this, she might naturally feel inclined to compare her own situation with that of her friend and this might get her reflecting. The reason I say this is because people tend to listen to those who aren't family. I have seen it happen around people around me. too - when a family member says something, people will just not listen. But if their friend, teacher, or even some neighbourhood person says the same thing, they'll think of the matter differently.

Also, since her boyfriend is technically the root cause of this, your parents might want to talk to him? If they can reach an understanding with him that this is not a situation whereby we can interact with one another like we used to, and if he can talk some sense into your sister, that would be helpful.

I understand that is a tricky and troubling situation, especially when you have to go through this day in and day out. Your sister's behaviour is no doubt very difficult, but it is important that you are taking care of yourself too. Self-care is just so important right now - if you can spend some time each day doing something for your own happiness, it will allow your mind to get a break from what's going on at home, and even help you cope with all the distress. Perhaps you might want to try meditation, or writing poetry, something that would make you feel more relaxed.

I sincerely hope that the situation improves! If you'd like to chat with me about anything or feel like you want to vent, I'm all ears

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Re: Never stops. - May 11th 2020, 04:21 PM

Thank you so much for you're reply and what you are saying. I'll try to see what I can do and talk to my parents.


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Re: Never stops. - May 15th 2020, 10:52 PM

Since your sister clearly wants her boyfriend with her so badly, has she considered staying over at his instead? Would his family allow that?

It's quite clear your sister doesn't realise her boyfriend is creating a serious rift in the family dynamic. I agree with Mallika, her boyfriend is definitely the root of the problem here. He should respect the house rules and try to make a compromise. If he truly cares about your sister, he would take more care in what his actions and behaviour is doing to your family.


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Re: Never stops. - May 17th 2020, 05:46 AM

Hi Emma,

I'm sorry to hear about the tension you and your family are currently feeling. It must be hard. As the above users have mentioned, maybe your sister will be able to go over to her boyfriends place so there isn't so much fighting happening in your household. COVID-19 is making everyone stressed out so this situation maybe making everyone more on edge.


   
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Golfing girl Offline
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Re: Never stops. - May 19th 2020, 05:02 PM

Thank you so much for you're replies and what you are saying. I'll see if she wants to go stay with her boyfriend I will talk more with my parents. Thank you again.


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