I’m praying to God… 🙏🏼

[oceaneyes95]

I’m praying to God that he removes my “grand-daughter” from my life. I’m 28, and my husbands 58. We have two boys together who are ages almost 7 & 8. He has two adult sons (that he actually acknowledged) and many other kids that he never had a relationship with. My husbands EX-WIFE has always raised his grand-daughter, Oakley. Oakley is 5, and will be 6 this summer. But she still behaves like she’s 2, and she still drinks from a sippy cup. She cries all the time, every few minutes, about anything & everything. Much like a teething toddler, or a toddler who just wants to be held all the time. She also isn’t in school because the Kindergarten said she was “too far behind”. Basically, Oakley is mentally challenged. But, her parents don’t want to admit to it because it’s really from substance abuse early on in the pregnancy. But, in November Oakley & her dad moved here just two houses up from us. I’ve taken on the title of “Grandma”, and on top of raising my boys without any help from their dad, I’ve also been bothered by having to deal with Oakley. As if that wasn’t already enough of a burden. OAKLEY LIES, AND STEALS. She is very manipulative by using this little “sweet & innocent little girl” act to get her way. Over the weekend she BEAT her dog with a stick pretty bad, and then tried to lie & blame it on my 6 yr old. But, thankfully, there were just security cameras installed on their home to watch the yard. It showed Oakley beating the dog with a stick & laughing about it. Then she put on this really convincing show of crying & acting to convince everyone that it was my son. Thankfully, in October I bought this little mobile home in a southern state 4 hrs away from us. I bought it really cheap because it needed A TON of work to repair it. It’s fully finished & furnished now, just in time for the Spring & Summer. It’s near a bunch of lakes, and hiking trails. Me & my boys plan on being there as much as we can through the Summer. This is why my husband was so excited to have Oakley move here to begin with. Because he thought it would stop us from separating. Because he thought I’d get attached to Oakley because she’s a little girl, and I have only boys. He thought I’d be excited to be a “Grandma”. He thought that all that would make me re-think having a life anywhere else, and that I’d give everything else up for Oakley. I had just gotten my tubes tied. So, it really just pushed us further away. I’d really rather just do my own things with my two kids, and my giant German Shepard. I also really wanted to just rant & ask for any prayers/advice. I also wanted to say that none of us HAVE to have a relationship with anyone who we don’t want to. If their abusive, or if they’re lieing/stealing & it causes chaos in your life. It don’t matter if their a grand-kid, one of your own kids, nieces & nephews. It doesn’t matter. It’s okay to not want anything to do with them. I didn’t want to be a “Grandma” at 28 anyway. It was forced upon me. I don’t want a relationship with my “grand-daughter” because of the life she’s choosing to live, and I don’t feel guilty for that. I’m praying that God removes her from our lives.

[Silvan]

Hi,

thanks for reaching out to us. I am so sorry to hear that you struggle with some members of your family.

It sounds like this situation and the child were forced upon you. This is not only a matter of the child being burdensome to deal with - from what you have described, her actions might be harmful to you and your surroundings (the dog, your kids). Not to mention your own physical & mental wellbeing.

This is a tough situation to be in. Oakley is not your child and not your responsibility. You should not be forced to take care of her and her upbringing if you do not wish to do so.
As I understand your only link to Oakley and her parents is through your husband. That's why I would suggest speaking to him. It is important that you stress how much of a burden this child is to you, and how you are concerned about yourself & your sons, who are also your husband's children. Try to talk to him calmly, but firmly.

If talking does not change anything, I suggest making an appointment with a legal adviser, who could provide you with some information whether there are any legal actions you can take in this situation. Such a step has to be thought through, as it might create conflict with your husband.

Whatever you choose to do, it seems that you are looking forward to spending time at your mobile home, so do it! You must have put a lot of time & effort into renovating it I hope that beautiful natural surroundings will clear your head, calm thoughts & nerves and help you make a decision that will be the most beneficial for you.

If you have any doubts or would like to talk, don't hesitate to write on the forums or send me a PM.

Wishing you all the best,
xx Sue