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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Mom - June 16th 2009, 07:22 PM

My mom and I have not been getting along lately, and it has been just going downhill. She got me a thearpist because she thinks I'm "troubled" but really she is the one that needs a shrink. I hate talking about my feelings, so me and the shrink don't mix well. But yesterday I told her about my mom's drinking, and told her about how she screams and puts me down all the time when she's drunk. The doctor told me I need to tell her about how it makes me feel, but I don't know how to. She says that I'm scared of her, and I am. My dad told her a while back that she was drinking too much, and she hates him now, and basically their marriage os over. I'm afraid that if I say something, she either won't believe me or just hate me like she does him and never speak to me again. What should I do?
   
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Re: Mom - June 16th 2009, 08:40 PM

Is it possible to talk to your mom about it while the therapist is there? Sometimes a mediator can be great, and the presence of an outside party might encourage your mother control herself during the conversation.


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Re: Mom - June 17th 2009, 09:14 PM

Hi Myra,

Even though it is difficult to talk over feelings sometimes, it sounds like it is doing you good to talk to a therapist. I think your therapist had the right idea in trying to strengthen your relationship with your mom.

When and if you do decide to talk to your mom, it may be a good idea to have your dad back you up. Having another person's support will help make talking about this easier on you, and that way it will be difficult for your mom to be upset at just you. Your dad probably has some good insight on the situation too.

There are other ways to fix things with your mom as well. As tough as things are, just try spending some time with her. Tell her you'd like to have a 'mother-daughter' day and just go out and do things together. Find an activity that you both might enjoy, like bowling, mini golf, or just going for a walk, and talk with her. Ask her questions about things she is interested in and about her teenage years. You might be surprised about the things she can tell you.

I really hope things go well when you talk with your mom and that she looks at the situation fairly.
The best of luck, and take care

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Re: Mom - June 18th 2009, 12:59 AM

Hey Myra,

It sounds like things are somewhat difficult at the moment.

I think that you should definitely talk to your mom. However, I think you should have your therapist and, possibly, your dad there. Sometimes therapists do that and I bet your dad would be willing to do that as well.

Myra, maybe if your mom heard how her drinking affected you it would bring some light to the situation. Hearing it from your father is one thing but hearing it from her child, someone who she loves enough to get a therapist(which shows she knows something is wrong), is different.

Now, maybe you could explain to her everything you told us. How you didn't want to tell her because you don't want her to hate you like you do your dad..etc. What do you think?

If you don't think you could say it all right off the bat so to speak you could write it all down. Everything that your mom's drinking makes you feel and what not and then read it to her or just give it to her to read.

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to aim or pm me.


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