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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Horrible Family - June 25th 2009, 10:09 PM

My family is just awful and it's gotten to the point where I'm getting married without the being there AND I'm going to purposely lose contact with them.

My boyfriend and I have problems. Eventually, he proposed to me and I said yes, because I love him and I do want to be with him forever. I know we can work it all out. When I told my mom, she said she was happy for me. When my dad found out he told me I'm not getting married because the guy didn't ask him permission. My dad will yell at me, get mad at me, and give me so much crap for the dumbest things all the time. He makes me cry so much and I hate him. Flat out.

My mom is worst. She is a horrible, mean, and manipulative woman. She told me one time to tell my fiance to ask my dad. She is manipulative because she pretends to care when really she is just heartless. The problems between me and my fiance escalated to the point where I felt like we weren't ready to get married. We were going to call it off for a while. When I talked to my mom she said she understood and even told me she was proud because it was a difficult decision and it's a good one to make if you are not ready.

She also talked to my fiance and told him nothing but a bunch of crap about me. I couldn't believe it. It sounded like she was trying to break us apart. The idea to my family is that I'm angry. She told him that. She also told him that I have to understand that he can't always be there for me and spend time with me because he does have to provide. She told him how my dad always worked and they never got to spend time together and she didn't care cause she understood. She didn't get what I was saying to her at all! I never said that to her. Then she told him that I am needy and moody. Then apparently at the end of it all, she told him that I really do love him and that I would never leave him.

Now I keep getting crap from everyone. The wedding goes on and my family isn't going to be there because I told them we were waiting. Our plan is to lie and right before we really do get married, ceremony and all, we are going to e-mail them saying we eloped. We are also going to get out of contact with them.

My fiance says that they are horrible, heartless, people and they all treat me like crap. Even my sisblings. And unfortunately, it's true. Is what I'm doing right? If I lose contact with them for several years will I regret it? They cause me so much pain and heartache that I hate them. Honest to god. And the worst part is that this sounds not nearly as bad as it really is.
   
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Re: Horrible Family - June 27th 2009, 03:41 PM

Hey there,

I think in a case like this, you really need to weigh your options. There is not just a choice from two options- your family or your fiance- there could be a way to work out both. I don't think breaking complete contact with your family is a good idea.

One thing you should really consider is that if there are problems between you and your fiance now, you should clear them up before getting married. Make sure everything is solved and that you are both happy before you get married. It will make the marriage less strained if you need to worry about solving the problems and breaking away from your family at the same time.

If you don't want your family at the wedding, then that is up to you. That is completely your decision. You can invite anyone you want. You could just tell your family afterward that you decided to get married without a big ceremony or you just did a small thing. If you don't want to see them after, then that is also up to you, but I do suggest you keep in contact by writing to them or talking on the phone. Even if you've grown apart from them, they are still your family, and I'm sure that they do really care about you.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. Just give it a lot of thought first.

Nat.


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