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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Not sure right now - June 27th 2009, 06:10 PM

I don't know where to put this, I don't really know how I'm feeling right now.

I think I'm depressed, but I feel fine. I'm not depressed, not happy, not sad. I guess I'm angry. I get frustrated a lot, and when it gets too much, I start hitting something violently, usually myself anymore since the walls are barely standing. I actually hit myself with a ten pound dumbbell once. Just a minute ago I was shoveling dirt that my "dad" had me shovel once before, and when I got done he didn't even thank me, as usual. Then he yelled at me for wiping my muddy shoes onto the mat outside that was meant for mud. I was already in an angry mood, but that threw me over. I kicked off my shoes (Now that I think about it, I should've kicked them at him), threw open the door, and dented a wall on my way to my room. My hand's throbbing from it now. I can't consider that man my father until he acts like one to me, not just my brother. He's always miserable, always yelling, never grateful, and I think the only reason my mother hasn't divorced him yet is because she can't afford a place. A few days ago, My "best friend" spent the night at my house. From the minute he got there till the moment he went to sleep, he was on my laptop. Well, except for the three times he was called by his girlfriend (who, by the way, he was after since the sixth grade, and only got to know her well because of me), then he'd take an hour (at the least) to sit and chat with her, ignoring me completely. Then he got back on my laptop and ignored me until he went to sleep. And for once, he didn't fall asleep on my bed, mainly because I yelled at him the minute he got near it. He laughs at me now when I yell at him. He doesn't respect me. Just my belongings.
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Re: Not sure right now - June 27th 2009, 06:41 PM

hey,

i'm sorry that you're going through that. i understand what it's like to be unappreciated by family. my dad does the same thing to me, like i helped him out with the yard work, but got no thank-you or anything but he sure did find something to yell about. it sucks, i understand that. i also, get how it makes you really mad, but i don't think reacting in violence is really helpful and you def. shouldn't hurt yourself. have you ever talked to your dad about your feelings ???

that's not cool about your brother either. how old is he? if it's your laptop you have every reason to take it back from him when he's using it. it's not fair for him to take your computer all day. talk to him about it. if he doesn't respect you and your stuff, could you talk to your mother about it?

I really hope things start looking up. Try not to re-act in anger though because that won't help any. If you want to talk, PM me! <3


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Re: Not sure right now - June 27th 2009, 07:16 PM

I know violence isn't the best outlet, but it's the only one I have. I can't draw, can't write, and I can't try and keep it in anymore, I've been doing that for over 16 years.
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Re: Not sure right now - June 27th 2009, 09:03 PM

You don't have too keep in all the pain and frusteration, but there are healthier outlets. It doesn't have to be drawing and writting. I play sports to get my feelings out, do you like sports? You could always try something like that. Take something you like to do and make it your healthy outlet!


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Re: Not sure right now - June 28th 2009, 01:15 AM

Hi Colton,

Cassie does have some good suggestions, and I do hope you will consider some safer options than violence to express how you feel.

Have you considered taking up a sport like boxing, wrestling, or karate? Those are more physically 'violent' sports than something like basketball or soccer, and they may help you to relieve some of your pent up anger. Also, going for a run or a jog when you feel made may help as well.

As for your friend coming over to your house and not spending any time with you- that is completely not fair. Next time you have a friend over you plan the activities. Stick in a movie or put in a video game, and make it's clear that your lap top is off bounds. Let him know that he can talk to his girlfriend at home and that you would like to spend some time with him while he's over. Your possessions are yours, and that means you can decide when to lend them out. Don't let your friend take control just because he's over.

Take care.

Nat.


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Re: Not sure right now - June 29th 2009, 01:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Strider View Post
As for your friend coming over to your house and not spending any time with you- that is completely not fair. Next time you have a friend over you plan the activities. Stick in a movie or put in a video game, and make it's clear that your lap top is off bounds. Let him know that he can talk to his girlfriend at home and that you would like to spend some time with him while he's over. Your possessions are yours, and that means you can decide when to lend them out. Don't let your friend take control just because he's over.

Take care.

Nat.
I tried a movie, he was still on my laptop.
I tried a game, he was still on my laptop.
I promised myself I wouldn't interfere in his relationship with her, no matter what.
He doesn't respect anything I tell him anymore.
I've considered telling him to not bring his cell phone anymore, but then he'd just use my laptop to talk to her more.

And a side note: I can't run or walk for more than a minute, and I hate sports.
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Re: Not sure right now - June 29th 2009, 03:51 AM

I noticed neither of the girls before me suggested ditching your friend. I, for one, wouldn't be able to put up with his shit. I know dealing with things without a friend is though from plenty of personal experience, but do you think one less negative person in your life could make the situation worse? Try to make some new friends, or get closer to other friends. Your school is probably out of session, so you could try volunteering somewhere (humane society, a retirement home, local hospital, food bank... etc.). There may be more adults than teenagers, and it may be overwhelming if you're not used to being the youngest in a group, BUT I've found that adults can often be more interesting than teenagers and don't do near the amount of rude shit that teenagers do (ignoring you to call their girlfriend).

Here's something I found online for a Pennsylvania volunteer opportunity. http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/states/pennsylvania/volunteer/art2749.html

It lists some work days for the nature conservency in various cities, so I don't know if yours is listed...

Anyway. If you'd like someone to talk to, pm me.
   
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Re: Not sure right now - June 29th 2009, 09:20 AM

Hey,

I don't have a lot to say because everyone else covered it but I was wondering, do you think you could get a punching bag? That way any time you get upset or angry you can punch that instead of taking your anger out on yourself.

Also, you said that you have been holding you feelings in for a long time and a punching bag might actually be a good way to get you feelings out in a more positive way.

Hope this helped and remember if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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Re: Not sure right now - June 29th 2009, 03:57 PM

I already have a punching bag, it doesn't help enough. I need to feel the pain of hitting myself, or the wall.

And I won't ditch him just because he acts like this at my house. He's a great friend, he just doesn't realize what he does to me.
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