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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Meeting my family - June 29th 2009, 12:01 AM

I wanted to post this somewhere and didn't know exactly where, but I guess this forum is better than any. And yeah, I do have a bi-polar degrees with my family. I want to meet them and I fear my father, yet want to know him and for him to teach me how to use everything in me to become the man I was always meant to be.

It's a year away until my adoptive parents are going to let me search and that seems like far too long already. They want me to finish senior year of college first.

I have this constant pull towards them, like that was always where I was meant to be or go. I can't explain it. It's just, for the first time in my life, whenever I think of going over there and finding them - I feel like I'm real. Like I finally have something tying me back to this planet. I just want to run off and see them.

I want to know who they are, I want them to know who I am. I hope I've progressed far enough in my life that they can be proud of me. That might be hard for some to grasp, but after being rejected when I was born - I've always thought, maybe, if I become someone - they'll take me back. It's like the whole 'Hercules' thing, if he became a hero he would be able to sit up there with the Gods. Same concept here.

The dynamics are really going to be crazy. I mean, once everything opened up - me going over there was like, it's part of what I'm meant to do. i have to go to them now. It's my time to go to the Fortress of Solitude. I'm scared, I'm excited, I can't wait to begin... because it's going to be an adventure.

I'll finally know my parents. My adoptive parents were the best anyone could ask for, but that's also what they are - they took care of me and helped me along my journey. But, now I need that second part in order to cross the bridge. I need my parents. I see it as there's really no difference between adoptive parents and kids who go to live with their grandparents or other relative - just they get the chance of knowing something about their parents, whereas for me it's all a mystery.

Characters I relate to are Superman (due to my adoptive parents being like the Kents), Connor Angel (who seeks out his biological father, but always wants to fight him - really double sided), and Max Evans (alien who always feels out of place).

I just hope that by the time I find them, I'm finally good enough. It seems that's always been part of my motivation to succeed in life - why I'm at where I am now, making the rare Hollywood dream of working in the biz a reality - it provides a reason for why I'm alive, it shows that my life has a point and... I'll be somebody this time around. I don't know, it's just too difficult to put into words...

I just want to go back home. I don't remember being lost, but it seems like my whole life is pressed on the PAUSE button right now. Everything's in a stand-still, which is really agonizing. But, I'll finish off the year - then the journey begins. Just hoping that I'm at the point in my life where they'll take me back...

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Re: Meeting my family - June 29th 2009, 04:14 AM

I'm happy for you. Of course your biological parents will be happy with the wonderful man their baby has turned into. They'll be as pleased to see you for the first time since birth as you are. Good luck!

Also, you come across as very well educated, and intelligent. Your writing flows beautifully, and frankly, it's a breath of fresh air to see something so well thought out on this site.
   
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Re: Meeting my family - June 29th 2009, 09:14 AM

Hey,

I hope that everything works out for you. I think that any parent would be very happy to have you for a son. You seem very intelligent and thoughtful and judging by the number of posts you have you obviously like to help people too.

All those feelings you have are normal as well. Many adopted children feel like a small part of them is missing and meeting their biological parents will fill that missing piece.

If you think a year is too long to wait do you think you could talk to your adoptive parents and explain those feelings to them? Maybe if they understood the depth of your feelings they would be more willing to let you search a little sooner.

Good luck and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.


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Re: Meeting my family - June 30th 2009, 02:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifulDisaster1819 View Post
If you think a year is too long to wait do you think you could talk to your adoptive parents and explain those feelings to them? Maybe if they understood the depth of your feelings they would be more willing to let you search a little sooner.
That would be the best. But, they're even - at least my adoptive Mom - is having trouble with me searching as is. She says she's not, but when I look in her eyes, hear the tone in her voice - it would shatter her if she ever knew how much I wanted to meet them, know them and make my parents a part of my life.

I've never believed in unconditional love, people say it all the time - but, I just, I've always had difficulty believing it. There's always the chance that someone might disown you or reject you. Everything's fragile. They've never done anything that would make me doubt it, but it's just inherent for some reason... my greatest fear is that they stop seeing me as their son. Due to that fear, I can't talk to them about everything - I'm afraid to - so I'm stuck having to wait.

The most difficult part to explain and put into words is how inside I still have a relationship with them and always have. The typical feelings a son would have towards absent parents. A tug-of-war with my father of hating him for having left me, yet still wanting him to be proud of me. And needing supportive words from my mother to know that she still cares about me and I wasn't disregarded like - some kind of trash or something. For some reason biological ties matter, even if they're not who raised you - they're still Mom and Dad... and so are the adoptive parents, just in a different sense... I think the closest example are children who's parents aren't involved at all in their lives and the pain that can come from that, just I was lucky enough to have care takers making sure I didn't take the wrong paths along the way and believe me I could have, but they're still parents - it's not like I got to choose.

Last edited by ThePunkAlien; June 30th 2009 at 02:41 AM.
   
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