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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lil-x Offline
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Unhappy Doesn't care. - June 30th 2009, 06:12 PM

Ok, well stupidly I'd written down the number and adress of my sex health clinic in my private notebook. Well mum took it upon herself to read it and decided to call this number thinking it was councelling (it is that too). Obviously the receptionist answered saying it was a sex health clinic. My mum got worried, today I got in the car and she demanded to know if I'd been having sex. I told her about the sexual abuse and the miscarriage...guess what, SHE DIDNT FUCKING CARE! Infact far from being understanding, she got majorly pissed off and started shouting at me about why hadn't I said anything. She doesn't even know about my ED's or SH. I made her agree that she wouldn't say anything and would leave me to move on and deal with things in my own way if I went for a full STI check up. I'm fine with this. But I didn't want her to know. Now I just want to cut, and cut!

I feel a thousand times worse and I can't even move on now knowing what she thinks about it. I never expected her to react like that, I thought she'd be there in the back of my mind, although most of my head was telling me this would happen. Thank god she is pretending not to know.

I don't know why I feel this way, I mean she is my mum and all. I'm definately over-reacting. But isn't it just common thinking that your mum would be there for you. Well she isn't. She gave me a hug then didn't speak to me for like an hour. I am really not comfortable talking to her about anything. What should I do now that she knows? This shouldn't change anything but it means a lot to me?
   
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Re: Doesn't care. - July 1st 2009, 01:29 PM

Hey there, Lil.

Darn. I'm sorry that things didn't happen as planned.

I'm assuming, though, that your mom is also highly uncomfortable with that. I know that if I were in your shoes and I had to tell my mom, she'd also probably react kind of awkwardly simply because she wouldn't know what to do. Did this just happen, Lil? If so, try to give your mother some time to digest what happened and figure out for herself how to help.

I hate that you feel worse about this, though. I think you should continue going for counseling about the abuse/miscarriage. [I'm really sorry to hear about all of that, by the way; I think that abuse must be one of the hardest things in the world to bounce back from]. As I'm sure you've figured out by now, just knowing that someone is there listening to us can help wonders. (:

To be honest with you, I don't think your mom's going to touch on the subject again. Now that she's blown up about it, no doubt she feels bad that she didn't notice it sooner - a parent's worst fear sometimes is knowing nothing about their child, and also not being able to help their child.

You just hang in there and keep pushing through. I know you can do this, and I hope that things will shape up between you and your mom.



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Unhappy Re: Doesn't care. - July 1st 2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrina View Post
Hey there, Lil.

Darn. I'm sorry that things didn't happen as planned.

I'm assuming, though, that your mom is also highly uncomfortable with that. I know that if I were in your shoes and I had to tell my mom, she'd also probably react kind of awkwardly simply because she wouldn't know what to do. Did this just happen, Lil? If so, try to give your mother some time to digest what happened and figure out for herself how to help.

I hate that you feel worse about this, though. I think you should continue going for counseling about the abuse/miscarriage. [I'm really sorry to hear about all of that, by the way; I think that abuse must be one of the hardest things in the world to bounce back from]. As I'm sure you've figured out by now, just knowing that someone is there listening to us can help wonders. (:

To be honest with you, I don't think your mom's going to touch on the subject again. Now that she's blown up about it, no doubt she feels bad that she didn't notice it sooner - a parent's worst fear sometimes is knowing nothing about their child, and also not being able to help their child.

You just hang in there and keep pushing through. I know you can do this, and I hope that things will shape up between you and your mom.
Thanks for your advice. I'm so worried she will find out about my cutting, I mean today she was tidying my room while I was at school and I'd hidden my knife, and when I came back today it was gone along with my scissors. I'm not sure if she would have thought anything of it or not? Then, I've got this black box that I keep underneath my bed, with a journal with "LIL'S ONLY" printed on the front of it, in the box. I found this box on my bed, I don't know if she respected my privacy enough to not read the journal. I mean it's obvious it's a diaryish thing.

It has every single one of my darkest thoughts written in it, it's how I express myself. By writing words of how I feel and drawing some pictures, which she'd probably think were 'disturbing'. I pour my heart into that goddamn book when i'm self harming etc. If she's read that I'm so screwed. She'll think I've compeltely lost it.

Yeah well, she must have known all of yesterday that there was something going on, and she was normal for a while when I got in the car then she just came out with it. Let me explain, then started shouting at me. I didn't know what to say, I was just sitting there with tears pouring down my cheeks and she was silent, just glaring at me. She made me feel like I was completely over-reacting. It was horrible. I wouldn't expect even her to act like this.

I don't want her help. She doesn't want to help me, and I truly don't want her to get involved. I just want to deal with this in my own way. Wouldn't you think that was fair?
   
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