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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ouo Offline
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Name: alyxis
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Join Date: July 2nd 2009

Unhappy What just happened? - July 2nd 2009, 03:21 AM

My best friend of almost ten years has suddenly stopped talking to me as often as she does and is blowing off our plans for another friend. :/

She's never been the one to do this, at least, not to me. We've been close and she's the only person I can really be myself around. She's always made plans to include the both of us and she's always told me everything. But since one of her old friends have come back, she's suddenly stopped telling me everything and our conversations seem...strained.

This friend of hers, who we'll call L, only talks to her when she has no one else to talk to. Her best friend has gone to tour Europe for two weeks so she's talking to her other friends and taking away mine. I have a problem with L because she does this to my friend. It hurts her feelings a lot when L starts to ignore her for others. We've talked about it a lot and everytime she says that she'll forget L...only to go back to her again.

L makes me feel so inferior. I hate how low she makes my self-esteem. Because my best friend has chosen to go with her instead of me makes me feel boring, lame, and unimportant. I have low confidence in this area already and this is only making me feel worse. My friend and I have talked about it before as well and she said I'd always be her best friend, but lately I have been doubting it.

My best friend is going to summer school right now to graduate. She was originally going to stay with me but her mom objected because I live to far from the school. Instead she was to go stay at her sister's house until school ended. Originally, I was going to stay with her at her sister's but I objected because I was planning on taking my driver's license sometime this week and I didn't want to be stuck at her sister's (I get really nervous around people I'm not close to and I'm bad with children). I said that we could hang out, but I think she got angry and hasn't really made any effort to. I guess something happened and now she's staying at L's house...which means she's stopped texting me and has dropped all other forms of contact with me.

Today her boyfriend (and my other best friend, we'll call him R) asked if we could hang out, we being my friend and I. He thought that we were together, but I told him we weren't. We both tried to contact her, but she never responded to our texts. We decided to hang out anyways and kept trying to contact her. It wasn't until the end of the day that she decided to respond only to R's text with a "sorry".

I don't know how long she's planning to stay with L and it's really worrying me. I'm scared that she's going to lose contact with me and the worst part is that this is in a way, intentional. I don't know what I did wrong and I don't know what I'm going to do. We were planning on going to an amusement park soon with R. I don't want her to not talk to me and then appear the day we leave just to go.

This is all so confusing; it's not like her at all. She's never done this to me before. I want to be mad and I want to cry, but I don't understand.

Sorry, this is long and messy. Dx
   
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rockstar29 Offline
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Re: What just happened? - July 2nd 2009, 03:39 AM

i know exactly how u feel. im going through a similar situation too.
stay strong =)
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Name: Nat
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Re: What just happened? - July 2nd 2009, 06:14 PM

Hi Alyxis,

In no way is how your friend is acting your fault, so whatever you do, do not take this personally at all. Sometimes when a new friend (or in this case, an old friend) comes into the picture, a friend can get caught up with them and start to spend more time with them instead. I don't think it's fair that your best friend is doing this to you, but give her some time and she will probably turn around.

It could be that your friend was a bit upset that you did not want to stay at her sister's house with her. It sounds like she may have had it in her mind that she wanted to spend her time with friends, and not just family, and so maybe she took your rejection of staying over as you not wanting to spend the time with her. I have a feeling that this is a complete misunderstanding, and that the two of you should both talk through it.

Since your friend is ignoring texts and messages, do your best to see her in person and talk this through. Let her know that you are still her friend and that you are worried something happened, but you would like to fix things with her. Ask what is wrong and see if there is something you could both do to solve this.

Talk to her before you go to the amusement park with your other friend. It sounds like it could make for an awkward day if things are left unsaid.

Take care. I hope everything works out for you.

Nat.


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