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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ChrisDiCarlo Offline
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Angry my dad - July 14th 2009, 12:54 PM

the problem with my dad is that he smokes
he smokes in the house when ever he wants and if we ask him to go outside he say's "no, its my house" and even when my friends are over he doesn't go outside and some of my friends have asthma. Everytime I tell him that i feel sick from the smoke he cracks it at me.
Is there anything I can do?
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Re: my dad - July 14th 2009, 04:23 PM

That seems incredibly inconsiderate of him. =(

When did he first pick up the smoking habit? Prior to your being born? A few years back? Somewhat recently? If it was a long time ago, then I'm sure he feels entitled/feels like someone should have complained about it when he first picked up the habit. If it was somewhat recently, then it could be due to stress, and he doesn't want to deal with his family members' "whining" while he's trying to relax.

If you haven't already, try opening up all of the windows in the house/apartment, 24/7, for ventilation. If he complains about that, tell him that he's welcomed to smoke outside, but that you need to protect your health and your friend's health. If you're feeling especially brave/cheeky, tell him that a father is supposed to protect his children, not harm them by exposing them to second-hand smoke.

Finally, have you suggested to him that he quit the habit entirely? I'm sure that you have, but how much support and encouragement did you give him? Did you encourage him to get on the nicotine patch? Or did you try actually purchasing the patch and giving it to him? Did you encourage him to quit, or give him more specific goals ("please try not smoking for one day, just one day... I would be so proud of you if you did that!").

My stepmom recently stopped smoking... but only because of a hypnotist. That may be another option to consider (apparently, it works on "highly-impressionable" people). That's yet another option to consider, if you have the money for it. But the bottom-line is to make the smoking seem aversive/negative, and the treatment for his addiction seem appealing/positive.






   
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Re: my dad - July 14th 2009, 04:59 PM

that sucks.
the only thing you can really do is try talking to him about it. tell him why you wish he wouldn't smoke. how it makes you feel. etc.

you could also print out some information on how to quit and the negative things that smokeing causes.

if he doesn't want to stop smoking in the house though there's really nothing you can do because like he said it is his house. i do think that's really rude to you and the rest of your family.

just try to get him to change his mind.
best of luck.


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Re: my dad - July 14th 2009, 07:31 PM

Hello there,

I think that it's very important that you talk to your dad about this and tell him how seriously it is affecting you and your friends. Let him know that you understand that the house is his, but you are concerned for your health, and you know that it's really bad for your friends to be in a situation where there is smoke all the time. Ask him if he would be able to smoke outside when your friend is over.

Taking this by small steps would be a good idea. Start by asking him not to smoke when your asthmatic friends are around, and then move on later to ask if he could not smoke in the same room as you and then if he could smoke outside altogether.

If your dad refuses to stop smoking, then I suggest you get out of the house when you can and keep the windows open for some ventilation. It's not fair that you need to put up with second hand smoke because of his bad habit.

Could you talk to your mom about this and get her to help convince him to stop smoking or to smoke outside instead? Or maybe your family could come up with designated smoking areas for him, so that he is only allowed to smoke in certain parts of the house.

I really hope your dad stops for your sake. It's so difficult to put up with this kind of thing from a parent.

Nat.


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