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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Hollifire Offline
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Losing a friend - July 18th 2009, 10:40 PM

Alright, so I'll try and explain things as best as I can. Bare with me.

I became friends with a guy, which isn't any big deal or anything, but we became really close fast. It got to the point where we were talking for numerous hours every night. Then it turned into us talking all night every night. I could open up to him and tell him anything, and I wouldn't have to worry about him judging me. I really felt like I had a best friend again, and I cherish his friendship so much. He means the world to me. I would never do anything to hurt him. Even if for some reason, we started hating each other, or he made me mad, I would never bad mouth him to anyone, that's how amazing he truly is.

Lately though, well the past few days, something happened in his life, that he can't control, made it so that I could barely talk to him. I haven't had a direct conversation with him in about 4 days or so. All the contacting we've had were short emails about like 2 sentences long. Of course though, whenever I get something from him, I jump for glee, and email him back instantly.

Last night, he got drunk, and sent me a good paragraph of writing, of course it was all drunk writing, but was understandable. It upset me because it's like, you can write all that while you're drunk, but can't write more when you're sober? Maybe he had more time all of a sudden, or was alone? I dunno. I sent him back a not so nice email. Not because I was mad at him persay, just hurt. I haven't talked to him since.

I have no idea why this is affecting me so badly. I mean I moved away from all my friends, ones I've known for years, and yeah I miss them, but I don't miss them nearly as much as I miss this guy, and I haven't known him very long. I'm constantly checking my email to see if he emailed me, or seeing if he's online. Like for the past few days I've been so sad. So down. It's horrible. I literally feel like a part of me is missing. The pain that I'm feeling, the loneliness that I'm experiencing, is as horrible as breaking up with someone. I've never ever felt this bad.

I saw that he was online at one point, and most likely read my email, and never said anything back, and instantly, I felt like I wanted to cry, I still do now. That's why I'm writing this. I needed to let this all out. I wish I could say all this to him, but I can't. I can't physically write it to him.

I know he has his own life, his own friends, and so on. I know I shouldn't be the center of his world, but lately, he's been mine.

I never get close to people because of fear of being hurt. I don't let a lot of people in, because it always seems in the end, I always get screwed over. He seemed different though, so I let him in. I let him in more than I've ever let anyone else in before. He knows things about me that no one else knows. I just feel like I got the short end of the stick. I know he didn't do any of this on purpose, and it's beyond his control, but it still sucks, a lot.

Any tips for dealing with this pain? I feel like my heart is breaking more and more every day. </3


Sorry for this being so long. If you took the time to read it, I appreciate it. *hugs*





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Re: Losing a friend - July 18th 2009, 11:16 PM

Hi Holly,

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way lately. It really sucks when you took someone so close into your life and then they aren't able to keep up the contact. The first thing I want to say is that if you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me a message. Having someone to talk to is important, and I'm always here if you need to chat.

I'm a little confused as to what happened in this guy's life to make it so he isn't able to talk to you so much anymore. I think it's great that you are putting in the effort to still email, but I understand that it would be disappointing if he doesn't say much back.

It sounds like you two have a very trusting relationship, so I do suggest you tell him how you feel about the lack of communication lately. Let him know that you understand that he has things going on in his own life, but you would still appreciate it if he could take some time for a conversation with you. Any kind of relationship requires communication to keep it up, and it isn't very fair for you to have to be the one putting in more.

Is there any way you could see this friend in person? Sometimes it is better to convey these feelings through speaking rather than an email.

It might be a good idea to let him know exactly why you were so hurt about his last email to you as well. Writing to you when he was drunk was not a very appropriate thing for him to do. I think that it would be best to be clear about it and let him know that it means a lot when he writes a lot to you, but you worry that being drunk when doing so takes some meaning out of it.

I think that the best way to deal with the pain is to talk to your friend. I know that things are going on, but he really needs to shape up and make some time for you if he wants to keep up the friendship.

Again, if you ever want to talk, please message me any time.

Take care.
Nat.


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Re: Losing a friend - July 19th 2009, 01:14 AM

His friend is living with him now, thus he can't spend all his time talking to me anymore. But I mean, can't his friend just do something else while he spends a little time talking to me? I mean, if I'm as important as he says I am to him, I just feel like that isn't much to sacrifice.




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