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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SpiderHan03 Offline
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Unhappy Deserted - July 21st 2009, 08:46 PM

My two best friends completely deserted me after I started cutting. They are trying to "help" me but all they do is drag me down. They think they're telling me the "cold hard truth" to help me but it hurts more than they'll ever know... help?


"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."



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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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Re: Deserted - July 21st 2009, 09:19 PM

First; Welcome to TH! (:
We are glad to have you, and I think you will really like it.
I'm really really sorry about what you're going through.
I've been in your place before. It's not fun at all.
I think you should definitely talk you friends and tell them that even though they are trying to help, it really hurts.
It's gonna be hard to talk to your friends about that, but sometimes you just have to.
good luck(:
feel free to PM me or VM me(:


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
AshtrayHeart Offline
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Re: Deserted - July 21st 2009, 11:41 PM

What exactly have they said to you thats been dragging you down exactly? if they don't do it themselves they probably think its right to do that and its the way to go about making you realise its the wrong thing to do.
Could you possibly talk to them about this?


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
SpiderHan03 Offline
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Exclamation Re: Deserted - July 22nd 2009, 06:08 AM

That's just it. I have talked to them. More than once. They tell me that I'm sick and deranged... I try to tell them that telling me that isn't going to make me want to stop. It's going to make me feel worthless and cut even more... but my friends just don't understand. Especially the one I'm closer to. The other one barely talks to me anymore. The one I do talk to is always saying things like 'you're crazy' and 'what you're doing is sick' and my favorite 'do you know how deranged you sound right now?!'

I told her that it's not exactly the greatest thing to say to a person who cuts and she responded with, "Well I'm sorry I don't know how to talk to someone who cuts. I've never had to before." Which is a lie because her sister who doesn't live with her cuts. It's bullshit. I try to tell her that she's not helping and she makes it worse and she tells me that I'm belittling her. I just don't know what to say to her anymore. I still want to be her friend, but I can't stand the constant hurting because of her...


"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."



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Re: Deserted - July 22nd 2009, 03:00 PM

Hi there,

I think you should try talking to your friends one more time. I know it's difficult, and I know that it seems like they aren't stopping the harsh words, but it is important they know how you feel and how it's affecting you. Give them examples of what they said- just like you did here- and tell them how it made you feel. Let them know that it is these kind of negative emotions that have lead you to this in the first place, and that you are really looking for their support and friendship right now.

If they continue saying things like this to you, then I suggest you take a break from them. Find a new support system. Try signing up for a class or a club or an activity in your area. If you like art, try a drawing/painting/pottery class, if you like languages, then try taking a languages class, if you like drama, try out for a play or join an improv group. There are also sports teams, youth groups, and volunteering.

You really don't need to put up with that kind of bullying from your friends. If they are not respecting you, then you need to consider whether or not you still want them as friends. Frankly, they are acting like bullies and you really deserve people that care about you.

Again, try talking with them some more and see if they will listen and change how they speak to you. Make it as clear as possible that they really make you feel bad by saying things like that and you would like them to stop.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me. My inbox is always open

Take care,
Nat.


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AshtrayHeart Offline
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Re: Deserted - July 22nd 2009, 03:25 PM

Could you talk to her again, make her understand how it feels for her to say that? and If that doesn't work then find another friend you could talk to about it and no matter what happens you have us to talk to if you want too and obviously you can PM me anytime.


'Cause there's no pride to be found when you follow sheep around..

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Re: Deserted - July 23rd 2009, 04:58 PM

I've decided to take break from the one who has always been so mean to me. There is one who I don't ever talk to anymore and frankly, I don't care. I don't want that to sound mean. I just don't care. The other one... well I sorta talked to her. I'm still a bit annoyed with her but I just don't think I can lose her. So all in all, I'm doing much better.


"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."



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Re: Deserted - July 23rd 2009, 08:40 PM

Yay! I'm happy for you . What you're doing doesn't sound mean. What she did to you was inexcusable. If she was a real friend she would try and help you and not make matters worse for you so you should be proud of yourself for setting yourself on the right track and doing what's best for you.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
   
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