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Luciano71590 Offline
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This guilt is overwhelming... - July 22nd 2009, 04:53 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I really often feel like the biggest failure out there. I don't really have the best relationship with my parents (often because of our vastly different views on almost everything), and I've been isolating myself from them because I just can't stand being around them anymore. They seem loving, but I feel as if I just won't be what they want me to be, they expect me to major in some sort of profession (pre-med, pharmacy, chemistry, law, etc.); don't get me wrong, I love math and science, but I am a philosophy major and I'm only doing it because I know it'll help me later on.

I can't do anything right. I just feel like I don't even deserve to live. Now, I know I am depressed or whatever, but why do anything about it when I don't contribute anything to society? I don't deserve anything. All my friends have moved on without me on to better people who are much more fun to be around; I hate letting people down, especially my parents; I've always been the type to try and make people happy, but nowadays, thing seem to have gone wrong that I don't even know what to do anymore.

Recently, I told my parents that I simply didn't want to go to vacation with them to Mexico, and they respected my decision, but they seemed so sad during this entire day that the guilt is just too much to take. I didn't want to go because I've been there so many times, I don't know much of the language (even though I am hispanic), I get homesick easily....and I'm still in summer school. Every time I fail to make my parents happy, I feel suicidal.

My parents are usually quite strict and blunt and they aren't afraid to be brutally honest with me...I know it's something I should respect, but me being a shy guy....I can't stand that, sometimes I wish for more compassionate parents. Everything I seem to do, whether it's going out with my friends, doing a simple task, or just telling them how I feel about something. They tend to interrupt me and point out something that they think isn't "right", and usually I haven't done anything that seemed out of the ordinary.

I just feel like I don't deserve anything that I have. I don't deserve to have a house, or the pets I have. Even when I am eating I think that someone better could be using this food.

Last edited by Luciano71590; July 22nd 2009 at 04:58 AM.
   
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Strider Offline
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Re: This guilt is overwhelming... - July 22nd 2009, 02:49 PM

Hey Luciano,

I think that wanting to make others happy and striving to make their lives better is a very important and selfless trait. It sounds like you do care about your parents and your friends, and how they think of you. Impressing these people may be a priority to you right now, but I think you're forgetting someone. You have to do things for yourself and your happiness as well.

Sometimes being a bit selfish is necessary. In order to be this person who makes people happy and cares so much, you need to first take care of yourself and what you want. Put aside what your parents think is 'right' for you and put aside what you think your friends think about you. Find out what you like and what you want to do first. Philosophy is a great course, and if you want to major in that instead of the sciences or law, then go for it! Take some time to stop listening to everyone else and to just follow what you think instead.

I think that a talk with your parents is in order as well. It's important that they know the reasons you did not want to go on vacation with them. They may have been pulling the 'guilt trip' routine because they thought you didn't want to spend time with them. Try suggesting other places you could go on holiday next time, and where you are interested in going.

Also, your parents probably don't know how much their being blunt is affecting you. It's not fair that they nitpick about what is wrong or right when you talk to them. Let them know that it bothers you and you want them to be open about what you have to tell them. Try saying that you really don't appreciate it when they say certain things. Give them direct examples and talk about how you would like to have a conversation with them. Open communication with your parents is really key here, and it has to go both ways. If you are listening so much to what they have to say, they need to put in that effort to listen to what you have to say as well.

Have you been diagnosed with depression? And if so, are you seeing a counselor about it? If not, then I suggest you talk to your parents about going to see a doctor or psychologist. If you would rather not mention it to your parents, then you could always make an appointment on your own.

Isolating yourself wont do you any good. Talk to your parents and talk to your friends. Sometimes friends lose touch because of a lack of communication. Instead of waiting for people to phone you or talk to you, try phoning and try starting the conversation. You do have people that care about you, Luciano, you just need to let them know that you really need their support right now. In order for them to know there is a problem and to help with how you are feeling, you need to tell them.

You are not a failure and you do deserve what you have. You have put so much effort into doing what your parents want and trying to be someone else, and that is not failing in the least. Just try to do what makes you happy instead, because how you live your life is always your choice and up to you.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me anytime.
Take care of yourself.

Nat.


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