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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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kaylenanne Offline
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Name: Kaylen
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Unhappy I feel like an outsider in my family. - July 31st 2009, 04:31 PM

So, to make a painfully long story short, I think that my mom and the rest of my family don't like me. They're always making fun of me and my interests because I like different things than a lot of people. My parents force me to play sports because they all play sports. But I don't like sports. I'm an artist. They don't like many of my friends, they don't trust me like they trust their other kids, and my mom obviously prefers my older sisters styles. They wear Jcrew and Abercrombie, while I save money and buy t-shirts and skinny jeans. I just feel like everyone is always picking on me and never listens to what I have to say. It's really frusturating. I've considered running away because of my mom and her comments about me. "You look like a boy" "I wish you were more like your sisters" "I never thought I'd have a DAUGHTER who likes Jimmi Hendrix" and stuff like that. I also feel second best to my other siblings because my parents (they're divorced) pay for them to have the best summer ever, while I sit at home and babysit my two younger sisters. I just feel like I don't belong in this family. I can't wait until 3 years when I can get out.
   
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Re: I feel like an outsider in my family. - July 31st 2009, 05:16 PM

I completely understand your situation. Even though I don't have any siblings, my parents are constantly comparing me to other people's children. They call me stupid because I like art and literature as opposed to math and science. They think I'm not capable of being independent, even though I do literally everything by myself. They hate my friends because they think they're all sluts. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing is ever good enough. Ever since grade 1 when I could write in my diary, every entry always included at least a page's worth of how much I hated my family. But all I can say is to wait patiently until the time you can get out. You are still underage, so there is nothing you can do unless you make a huge deal of it and call the cops, and then you have to prove that you are getting verbal abuse, or whatever it is that you can't stand. I would just deal with it best I can, maybe talk to my friends, and then on the stroke of midnight of my eighteenth birthday, get out. I have my money saved for a couple years now, put towards my own apartment. I'm moving out in 1 week and it's completely worth it. Oh, I will get a good paying job, I'm that determined in life. And I will pay back ever d***ed cent my parents have ever wasted on me, and after that, never again will I see their ugly faces again. If they so much as set a foot on my property I will have them arrested.
   
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Re: I feel like an outsider in my family. - August 3rd 2009, 05:09 PM

I'm in the same position as you are. I'm into broadway and theater (and not a lot of people enjoy that kinda thing...) I know what its like to be in the arts or artsy and to not be accepted by it. My family picks on me all the time but when I started ignoring it, it gradually became easier to deal with. I would bring headphones to a family gathering or I just wouldn't go at all and stay home doing what I love doing most and when my mom asks me, "Why didnt you come up to your aunt's on Christmas?" I would say, "Because you guys are assholes and you pick on me too much. I'm tired of it. The more you tease me, the more I'll cut myself off from you guys. Seriously, its not cool and it hurts my feelings." And if nobody wants to hear what you have to say, then fine. You dont want them to know what you have to say. All of what you say is in your art and thats where it should be. Families are difficult to deal with in any situation and all families are disfunctional. But I was once in your situation. I just let them tease me and let it roll off my shoulders. I kept thinking to myself, 'My family doesnt know anything about me. They barely know the real me...So why should I care what they think? If they tease me so much and dont care about what I say or think or how I feel, then maybe they wont care if I just stop coming up altogether to see them' and when they noticed, all I had to do is explain why.
   
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Re: I feel like an outsider in my family. - August 3rd 2009, 11:05 PM

Aw, Kaylen, that's tough.

It sounds like your parents don't appreciate you for who you are. They might want the "best" for their family, but maybe what's best for your siblings isn't what's best for you. Don't let anyone tell you what you "should" be, because only you know that. If they don't care enough to get to know the real you, that's their loss. They are the ones who are missing out.

Keep doing what you love, Kaylen. Stay strong in who you are. Hold out until you can get your own place and start your own life.

P.S. Jimi Hendrix ROCKS.
   
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TaylorP Offline
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Re: I feel like an outsider in my family. - August 4th 2009, 05:17 AM

I know how you feel...but i'm not going to tell you about me. Just try to think positive, and don't let what they say get to you. I think they love you, but they just dont understand you. Hold on and it might stop.
   
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