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Stuckinhell Offline
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Worried about grandmama - January 19th 2009, 01:21 PM

So i've always been really close to my grandmama, but last year she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She had the stomach removed, but was told the cancer will come back within a year, and then she'd have less than a year to live. It's been 15months since she had the operation, but recently she's been feeling ill. She went to the doctor and had a test and they found a shadow on her lung.

So she gets the result of the biopsy tomorow. And i'm scared. I dont know how to cope anymore. It's one loss after another. And i really cant deal with it. I want to do something to help her, but i feel so helpless. I want to take away her pain. but theres nothing i can do. And it hurts. To see her there, hoping that it will be ok. Knowing it wont be.

It's just like everyone leaves me. Like its my fault. She was told she had a stomach ulcer. I went up there, the next day she was told it was cancer. It feels like i'm a jinx, and i hate myself for it. I just want to make things right but i cant.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I keep crying, I feel so low. I just want to give in, save myself the pain. But i know thats selfish. She needs me. And i'm going to be there for her. It just seems so pointless. God takes her away from me, like He's taken everyone else. And i dont know why. What i've done to deserve this. It's like i'm cursed into unhappiness.

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Re: Worried about grandmama - January 19th 2009, 04:48 PM

It isn't your fault about her cancer. Don't blame yourself.
You are helping her already by being there for her and supporting her. Whatever happens, she'll always know you were there for her and she'll appreciate that.
Don't blame yourself for what is happening. It's unfortunately beyond your control.

Sometimes it's better to forget how you feel
and remember what you deserve

S. M ... still in my heart, forever
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grandmama, worried

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