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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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$Kelly2DaB$ Offline
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friends and money - August 3rd 2009, 04:24 AM

okay, so i spend a lot of money on one of my best friends. and she's like i hate taking money from you, i owe u too much. blah blah blah. and i dont know how to explain it to her that i give with no expectations. i like to see my friends happy, and i feel like number one in the moment that i get them something. idk, it sounds weird but it made sense at the time haha. idk how to explain to her that it makes me happy, and that she needs to just accept it and continue on lol. my policy is that if your one of my best friends, i will spoil you. it just bothers me that it bothers her. it's like my gifts are accepted, but then regretted. *sigh*


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Re: friends and money - August 3rd 2009, 05:58 AM

If I were her, I wouldn't except it, see, I'm just like you, but the only thing is, all my friends have a bunch of money at home that they PURPOSELY leave home so they don't have to use it, and I've bought endless school lunches, sodas, movie tickets, clothes, ect. But, I feel the same way, like I mattered to them for a second, you know, like I was the only friend that mattered then!! But, maybe, if they do have money to spend, you should let them spend it, and not spoil them AS much. Maybe, let THEM spoil YOU once in a while, that'd probably make her feel more comfortable!
   
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Re: friends and money - August 3rd 2009, 05:03 PM

A lot of people are stubborn when it comes to things such as money and gifts. Now, if you buy her something for her birthday or Christmas or any special occasion, thats an exception but for no reason at all, sometimes buying friends things when its NOT a special occasion can make them feel awkward like they have to pay you back even though you tell them not to, they still feel the need to pay you back regardless if they have to or not.....Personally? I dont have friends that I feel the need to buy things for them, I know it sounds selfish but alot of my friends have screwed me over when it comes to things like money. One quote I've learned the hard way is: "I hate favors. Favors are bad news. The only thing worse than a favor is a favor that involves money." Good luck!!
   
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Re: friends and money - August 3rd 2009, 05:05 PM

Hi Kelly,

Personally, I never feel comfortable taking money from people, even if they offer and try to pay for things. Partly this is because of how I was brought up- where you should only buy things if you can afford them/you need to work for what you earn. Your friend may be in a similar situation and just doesn't feel comfortable having you buy her things.

Your friend may feel like she isn't able to give you something of the same value back, and that is why she isn't comfortable with the gifts. I don't think she will regret what you give her, but she will feel badly that she isn't able to do the same for you.

I think it is important that you explain to her why you like spending money on her and that it is a way for you to express how you feel for her as a friend. Be clear with her that you don't expect anything other than her friendship in return.

Maybe lighten up on the spending just a bit so that your friend feels more comfortable, and if she offers to pay for something for you within a reasonable amount, then let her.

Take care.
Nat.


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