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someonewithin Offline
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Age: 27

Posts: 6
Join Date: August 9th 2009

What is happening? - August 9th 2009, 06:06 AM

Hey, I'm Kaela.. I'm new to this site, but I was really hoping someone could help me..
Well, first off, I think I'm becoming a monster.
My family is the farthest thing from what a family should be. I know all families have their problems, but this- this I just can't take anymore.
My dad talked about starting family counseling, but all I can think is why didn't he try to save this family years ago when it started going down? Why now?
I don't want to see a counselor. I don't want to share my problems with anyone else. I hate my family, and I don't want to discuss why or how I can do things to better our relationships. If anything..I think I'd feel embarrassed.
I started cutting myself again.
I don't know whether its to reach out to somebody, or to just hurt myself. But its just getting worse. I've already written runaway letters. I just want to disappear.
I'm constantly hurting, my mother is an alcoholic and my father has a beyond physical and mental anger problem. When she's actually sober all we all ever do is constantly fight and scream at each other.
I never want to be at home, and when I'm not I'm always getting in trouble or screwing up my life even more. I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol to make me feel better, but everythings just getting worse.
Every day I wake up as a different person who I never knew before. And it scares me so much sometimes I just want to die.
I've screwed all my closest of friends over lately, leaving me toi suffer alone with no way out. But I don't think I deserve them anyways.
I just can't ever seem to be happy without doing something wrong.
I'm just so close to writing a suicide note to show everyone how much I'm hurting, and how much they've hurt me.
I just..I just can't take this anymore. And if my problems are too much, I don't expect you to answer..I just don't know what to do. I really need someone right now, please.
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PickingUpThePieces's Avatar
Name: Liz
Location: New York

Posts: 85
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: What is happening? - August 10th 2009, 01:46 AM

Firstly, take a deeep deeep breath. Things will work out. I think right now is just a low point. I know you must feel resentment towards your parents for not trying to work out the family sooner, that's normal. But focus on the fact that your dad IS trying to work things out now. Maybe talking would be good, and if not in therapy, maybe just regular therapy? without the family? taking ur self out of the picture isnt the answer, it really isnt. there are many other ways. things will work out (ps: welcome to TH :] my pm box is alwyas open)

Be soft.
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