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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Roxas-X2 Offline
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I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 06:16 AM

I've been with my girlfriend for 2+ years now. We are very happy. I have a full time job and she is in college.

Throughout our relationship, her mother has been seeing all these different men and everytime they seem really nice and respectable until she finds reasons to get rid of them (usually violently and with plenty of their posessions ending up in her house)

I asked my girlfriend to move in with me so I could keep her safe from her insane mother.

Now she is moving 200 odd miles away because she wants to be with some guy she broke up with 2 weeks ago. She says she will be taking my girlfriends little sister and big brother with her unless we move into her house and pay the rent for her so that my girlfriends brother can stay.

He has recently proposed to his girlfriend and if he moves away they will never see each other again, not to mention my girlfriend will lose all the family she has over here.

I don't earn enough to support a house hold just yet. I'm working 9 hour days for minimum wage. I cannot afford the rent on that house, not to mention all the other bills that come with. Plus I'd have to get a 5 o'clock bus to work because the place is about 30 miles away from where I work.

I'm feeling trapped. I'm the only one who can spare heartache for my girlfriend, my brother in law and his fiancée. But in the process I will lose my family, my happiness and I risk losing the house because I can't afford this. I'm only 19. I can't be dealing with this. Either I get stressed beyond measure or I deal with the guilt of causing so much heartache. All because of my girlfriends selfish mother who just wants to be rid of her kids so she can go round shagging everyone like shes a drunken 16 year old tart.

What the hell can I do?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 07:23 AM

Yes, you are only nineteen you are just building up your structure... It's not right that you should commit to sucha a big responsibility just yet... But hun talk to your GF if she knows what and how you feel than she should have no problem.... with waiting even though her mother is absolutely insane... and are you sure that is what she really wants? I mean... what if she doesn't....
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 07:44 AM

Well my girlfriend is in the same frame of mind as me. Only problem is there is nothing she can do about it. They're all pretty much as trapped as I am. It's just that the make or break decision is down to me. I'll be the one under the pressure of looking after a house hold of 3 people, 2 of which don't have jobs and have very little chance of getting one with this recession.

My girlfriends brother has recently just lost his job so he can't support himself on his own. If I can't help him then he'll have no choice but to move away. That will destroy my girlfriend and his fiancée because the family will be torn apart.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 08:07 AM

have you looked into benefits and such? i dont know how the american system works, but im sure you could get some kind of benefit here
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 08:08 AM

Could your girlfriend maybe move in with you? Could you two afford an apartment together? That could take care of the problem with your girlfriend. As for her brother and his fiance, could they move into an apartment with you? Maybe all 4 of you could get a 2 bedroom apartment or something?

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 09:01 AM

My girlfriend and I live with my parents. They asked us to live there. Seeing as my dad and I work in the same office it just makes things easier. But the only one out of me, my girlfriend, her brother and his fiancée that is earning any real money is me. They are either all unemployed or in college. I can't sustain a house on £600 a month. Not a chance. And all the places to rent around here are £550 per month or worse.

I'm the only one who even has the ability to do somthing here. But if I do it'll screw up my home, family and work life. If I do nothing and let them move I'll have to deal with the guilt of my girlfriend losing her brother for the third time and his fiancée losing him.

Hence why I'm feeling so trapped now.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 21st 2009, 05:18 PM

Hey there Roxas,

I know this is difficult, but what you need to realize is that you do not have the ability to make this decision because you cannot keep up with everything with it. There is too much of a financial obligation, and no matter how strongly you feel about it, it is not possible for you to support a household right now.

The only thing I can suggest is that you do not feel guilty about it. This is beyond your control. When your girlfriend's brother and his fiance are able to care for themselves, then they will be able to get their own place. It is not your responsibility to care for them.

You have your own obligations too, and taking care of them is not one of them. I know it is an unfair situation and I completely understand why you are feeling so bad about it, but there is no way you can afford it.

All the best to you.
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 22nd 2009, 02:09 AM

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm just going to support the family as much as I can. If it gets to the point where it's too late to help then I'm going to confront my girlfriends mother. She's trained all her kids to be afraid of her so none of them will stand up to her. I'm not scared of her and I'll speak my mind. Hopefully that will get her kids to kick off at her too. My girlfriend is so damn close to disowning her. I've never seen her so angry before.
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm being Blackmailed - January 22nd 2009, 04:01 AM

hey roxas.

that sounds complicated.. (it definitely is ) but i am going to tell you... firstly, you're one of the best boyfriends any girl can have, and thats a fact that you should be proud of.

Secondly, i definitely feel it'll all get better later.. trust me on this.

You have our support!!

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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