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Marli Mint Offline
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She shrugged it off. . . - August 25th 2009, 12:56 AM

I told my mom I had depression.
I told her almost everything lately. I told her how insecure I was, how I had eating problems( that's all I said. I didn't tell her I was almost anorexic) , I told her that I really felt like crap. I even told her that my best friends talked to our vice principal last year because they were worried about me. One of them was afraid I would commit suicide, but I didn't tell her that bit.
I left out important details, I admit. I left out that I thought about suicide, that I hated myself, that i'm being emotionally and mentally bullied, and that i'm almost anorexic. I didn't tell her that I hate living. That I see no point in going on anymore. I'm starting to see less and less light at the tunnel, and I find myself thinking about committing suicide more and more often.
She told me she had depression almost every winter until the past few years. That she had considered suicide. She had the nerve to tell me I didn't have any symptoms. That I probably didn't have it. She might not of said it, but I could tell she thought I was lying. She probably thinks i'm over-reacting. If I told her the things I didn't, I bet she still would. That's why I didn't want to tell her. I knew she wouldn't understand.
Telling her was one of the hardest things i've ever done, and it didn't do any good. Neither she nor I want medication. She decided I can handle it. She said she would think about it, but that was almost two weeks ago.
Even when I break down crying infront of her, which I did two weeks ago, she just shrugged it off. I told her I thought I was stupid. That all the other students looked down on me. She told me to calm down.
I just. . . I want something to happen. I want someone to talk to. I want a therapist, medication, anything. I just want help, and I can't get it.

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter

can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly
To be myself
I would break my family's heart ♥

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Moyshi Offline
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Re: She shrugged it off. . . - August 25th 2009, 03:56 AM

Hey there,
First off, it takes alot of courage to tell someone what you're going through and feeling, so telling your mom was a big step and you should be proud of yourself.

I'm sorry she didn't take it seriously and take action to get you the help that you need and deserve. Unfortunately sometimes people don't understand what you're going through and they just don't want to deal with it. Don't let this stop you from getting help though. Is there a teacher or school guidance counselor you can talk to about what you're going through? Booking an appointment to see your doctor is a good idea, as your eating problems may really be affecting your health, and they can give you better options on how to recover from your depression.

I'm glad you're reaching out and trying to get help. You deserve to be well and healthy, don't ever think otherwise. Keep trying, alright? Take care. :]

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chook14 Offline
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Re: She shrugged it off. . . - August 25th 2009, 12:42 PM

A few years ago i was going through some pretty bad depression myself. When i finally worked up the courage to tell my mother, and ask her for help, she completley rejected the fact that i was depressed and did quite the opposite of helping me. I won't go into details here, but what i'm trying to say, is that i know what you're going through. I also know how hard it is to finally come out and tell someone, so you should be really happy with yourself, and although it may not have gone as well as you hoped, it's a huge step.
Even though she told you that she thought you didn't have depression, don't let this put you off trying to seek help. Often you don't need to be professionaly diagnosed, to know you have depression. Because your mum also suffers from depression, she may be having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her daughter is also experiencing it. If it helps, i know now that this was the case with my mother. My mum is quite emotionally unstable, and i think this influenced the way she responded when i asked for help. You have to remember that you did the right thing. It was not a mistake telling your mother. It shows that you really want help, and want to get better, and have awknowledged that you are feeling pretty down. You should be proud of that!
Remember that there are other people out there who can help you, other then your mum. You could perhaps try calling a depression help line, and talk to the trained councillors who could give you some advice on what to do, and perhaps recommend a therapist who you could see. Are there other adults in your family you can talk to? perhaps and aunt or uncle, or a teacher at school, or a friends mum? I know that working up the courage to tell your mum was hard, and the idea of telling someone else is probably a bit daunting, but it's important that you get the help you deserve. If you can find an adult you're comfortable talking to, you don't have to give them details if you're not ready, but you could just ask them if they could help you arrange to see a therapist or doctor who you could then talk to.
I know your mum was the first option, and it didn't work out, but give it time, and she may come around. She may have just found it hard to take in what you told her, and needs some time to process it. Please remember that there are other ways to get help so don't give up.
Please PM me at any time if you want to talk about this more.
Look after yourself
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