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Idealistical Offline
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Was I being selfish? - August 28th 2009, 06:35 PM

I had no idea where to put this...sorry if it's in the wrong forum? (It might have belonged a bit better in the Death and Grieving section...but I felt kind of bad putting it there since this isn't anything very serious compared to other people)

I recently heard that one of my high school teachers would be retiring because she had had a cancer relapse (not too serious as of now, but still a relapse). The previous year I had done kind of badly in her class because of my own mistakes, and I really wanted to prove to her that I could do well. So, when I heard the news about her retirement, the first thing I felt was disappointment that I would now be unable to redeem myself. Does that make me a selfish person? =( Should I have been more immediately concerned for her well-being (I AM, but it wasn't my very first reaction)? Maybe I'm just over-analyzing myself, but this kind of thing always makes me feel bad...

Which brings me to my next question. In general, is it normal to feel kind of desensitized about these kinds of matters? I have lived a fairly cushioned life when it comes to things like cancer and disease, even death. It's not something I have been exposed to much. But I feel like I should have been more concerned for my teacher, since cancer is devastating, even if it hasn't necessarily become very serious yet. But I think that deep down, a subconscious part of me believes that she will be alright, that nothing bad could REALLY possibly happen. Maybe I just haven't really experienced loss yet, so I don't really understand? But I still feel like a bad person...what do you think? ><
   
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Re: Was I being selfish? - August 30th 2009, 02:40 PM

Hey. I don't think that it is a bad thing that feeling bad for her wasn't your first thought. If I were you, the first thing that would come to my mind is "I really didn't do great in her class and since she's retiring, now I can't show her how well I can really do." You are not being selfish, especially if you DO care about her and her well-being. And I'm very proud of you for believing she will be okay. I can relate to you since I havent been too exposed to death and disease. Nobody in my family has passed away, and if they have, it was before I was even born.
Good Luck!


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Re: Was I being selfish? - August 30th 2009, 05:54 PM

I don't think you are being selfish; it just seems to me that you were a bit taken aback by her retirement and because you've wanted that chance to redeem yourself for so long, this must have been your first thought.

The fact you believe she will be alright means you do care for her and that you are just being positive about the situation - there is nothing wrong with that. Some people can be very sensitive and will often prepare for the worst but you are being very brave about this and i seriously don't think you are being selfish at all.

I hope your teacher will be alright!
Take care,
x


& it's just like she's in another world.
[<3]


   
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Re: Was I being selfish? - September 1st 2009, 05:29 AM

I really don't think it's a bad thing at all. Thoughts come to us in all different directions at different times, and sometimes you can't control which ones come your way first. I don't think it was selfish at all to want to redeem yourself. I believe you found it to be something nice to do for your teacher - to show her that she helped you or influenced you in some way.
And I understand what you mean about the desensitizing. When my Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer, for example, I didn't cry. I had a feeling she would get over it, and sometimes it's really difficult for me to feel upset about serious things. I think a lot of people have that issue. Maybe it's a way for the brain to kind of avoid stress or trauma. Then again, maybe some people just KNOW when things are going to be okay.
Best of luck!
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Re: Was I being selfish? - September 13th 2009, 06:21 AM

I don't think you were being selfish, sometimes the best way to deal with this stuff is to distract yourself in other things, eg you proving yourself.
Maybe your brain is doing this of its own accord.

When push comes to shove, you feel bad for her anyway, but dont worry about it too much. x


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"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."
Linda Sunshine

"He who sings scares away his woes."
Cervantes

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