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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I hate who she is becoming - September 5th 2009, 01:38 PM

Last night a group of my friends all went round to one of my friends houses. We were having a few drinks.
My friend had an argument with her boyfriend so he drove down to speak to her.
(This guy is the biggest pleb I have ever met. He's a spoilt little rich kid who gets daddy to pay for everything and looks down his nose at people who go to state schools.)
Because my friend was going out there to meet him and suck up all of his lies some of my friends were having a go at her, we'll call her Clare. So everyone was having a go at Clare and I told them all to leave her alone. I asked Clare if I could have a word with her, I just wanted to make sure she was really okay because she was upset and crying. So I've spoken to her and just said they all didn't mean to shout at her, they just don't want her to be hurt all over again by her boyfriend.
Everyone thought it was a good idea I just kept an eye on things because he speaks to her so disrespectfully, I asked her and respected the fact she didn't want me there. As she's about to get into the car I said Clare come here a minute, all I wanted to say is that she could ring me if she wanted me to come out. She's turnt round and she was like Paige just fuck off.
Obviously I'm pretty annoyed at her saying that when I was being reasonable all night and everyone else wasn't being too fair towards her.
She came back in the house and after some persuasion I agreed to speak to her.
We'd been speaking for not even a minute and her phone started ringing, suprise suprise it was her boyfriend and she picked up, which I thought was rude when she was trying to sort things with me.
I can't speak to her, this guy is manipulating and controlling her, it's hard to stand by and watch it happening.
I just don't know what to do with her anymore.
   
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Re: I hate who she is becoming - September 5th 2009, 04:26 PM

There are many girls who are unfortunately, faced in this kind of situation. I know a ton of people who are currently being manipulated and controlled by their partner. Being somebody in this position, I know how difficult it is to not only get out of the relationship but merely realize that it's actually happening. Sometimes we just don't think logically and we end up doing things (or not doing things) that we regret later on.

It's evident that you're being a good friend, whether Claire realizes it now or not. You have to understand, however, that it's not going to be easy for her to take your side over her boyfriend - especially due to his manipulative and controlling nature. Those two qualities can truly destroy a person (Claire). It might take a little while for Claire to actually see what's going on and take the appropriate actions.

Is there any way for you to talk to one of your other friends in the group about what's going on, to maybe see their side of things? Or maybe you can talk to somebody close to you. This person doesn't even have to know Claire but try and explain her situation; see what they think as a completely objective person. It could be very well that you're looking into the situation a bit too much and the relationship is really not as bad as it seems to you, for whatever reason.

Talking to other people and hearing their opinions and suggestions will make this a lot easier. Also, I know you want to be a good person and save your friend from her current boyfriend's negative tactics, but you must realize that she's a grown woman. She can take care of herself. I know you may think you know what is best for her and what she should do and even if that's the case, you must allow her to make that decision herself.

Continue doing what you're doing. Give her a bit of time and space. Hopefully she comes around really soon. I know it's hard to watch your friend behave like this and be stuck in a horrible relationship but, like a parent, you must allow her to make her own mistakes.

Good luck.


SUP BRO.
   
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Re: I hate who she is becoming - September 5th 2009, 05:04 PM

I've spoken to other friends and they all feel pretty strongly about it. They have all tried telling her.
One of my friends got abused by her ex boyfriend so she is speaking from experience and says a lot of the things Clare's boyfriend says to my friend her ex would say.
I don't want to speak to her at the moment.
I was trying to help her last night and be reasonable and all she could do was tell me to fuck off.
   
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Re: I hate who she is becoming - September 5th 2009, 05:13 PM

You have every right to be upset. I would feel the same way if I was in your situation. However, from experience, I know how difficult it is to hear this kind of thing. My friends told me the same thing whilst I was in the relationship but I thought they were all crazy and often became irritated with them. Give her time. Take your space because you certainly need it as well. See where things go. Hopefully she'll come around.


SUP BRO.
   
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xxpaigiexx Offline
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Re: I hate who she is becoming - September 5th 2009, 06:55 PM

Yeah I can understand what you mean.
She knows where I am if she needs me.
   
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