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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Nina Twin Offline
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Exclamation The Biggest Mistake of Her Life? - September 6th 2009, 07:12 AM

My best friend in the world is Charlynn. We have been friends for about 6 or 7 years now and we tell each other everything. We are honest with each other, we have keys to each others houses - we do just about everything together and we don't hide anything from each other.
We are both 19; we attend a community college in our home town. I know where I want to transfer to after I get my A.S. - a state college about 100 miles away. It's practical, it's a good school and I can afford it. I've known this for quite some time. She, however, has been uncertain about her major and her transfer institution for quite some time. Then she got a boyfriend.
Her boyfriend goes to college in Wisconsin, which is extremely far away from our little town in Idaho. He lives in our town, but... well, he's away for most of the year in college anyway.
This is the problem: all of a sudden, Charlynn wants to follow her boyfriend all the way to Wisconsin to go to college. She stated, "I haven't really looked into what college is good for me there. My main priority is to be near him."
RED FLAGS!!! A million things are going through my mind right now. She is throwing her future away. She doesn't even CARE about what college is good for her. The only thing she's doing is looking at those that are within 100 feet of the boy. Logically, she can't afford the school. She gets ZERO financial aid and, though I love the girl, doesn't have the grades to get any scholarships. The tuition is $25,000 a year for one school she's looking at, and plane tickets range from about $400-$1,000 to get back and fourth between college and home. Not to mention she's planning on moving into an apartment with him - they haven't even looked into anything yet (she wants to go there next fall) and Charlynn doesn't even have a job right now. Probably not even $100 in the bank. Not even looking for a job. And what if they should break up? She would be all the way across the country, completely alone, and she would have changed her WHOLE life to be near him.
They are a pretty serious couple. They each lost their virginity to each other and they have been dating for six months. Although they have only spent about 3 months total face-to-face (they started dating while he was away), they still have promise rings and the whole deal. I don't doubt that it's a pretty strong relationship.
Things happen, though. Life happens. I feel like my best friend is making the BIGGEST mistake of her life -- or at least she wants to. I don't know what to do, though. Is it my place, as her best friend, to speak my mind and try to protect her and be honest? Or is it my place to just let her make her own mistakes?
Oh, boy. Please help me out, here.
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Re: The Biggest Mistake of Her Life? - September 6th 2009, 07:18 AM

She may be going into this a bit short-sightedly, but who are we to say if this is the biggest mistake she could be making? You shoud sit her down and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you are worried she hasn't thought her plan all the way through, and suggest that you strongly feel as though she should have a back-up plan in case something does happen, just so that she is not going into this blindly. You only want what is best for your friend, hopefully she be understanding. :)


"Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices."

   
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Re: The Biggest Mistake of Her Life? - September 6th 2009, 10:42 AM

Yeah, she's being very short-sighted on this.
You need to make her realise that even if she wants to go the same college as him, she can't afford it.
She needs to find a good college she can get into that is near to both of you.
Keep trying to talk to her!
   
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Re: The Biggest Mistake of Her Life? - September 6th 2009, 10:51 AM

I agree. As her best friend, you should talk to her about it because you're worried that she isn't looking at it properly and you don't want it to fall through. You can't tell her what to do, you need to let her make her own decisions and learn from her own mistakes but you can still help her try and make sure that she doesn't go into it all without really thinking about it and so on because at the moment, she's probably only thinking of attending college near her boyfriend, not the money or the grades or anything else and she needs to think of that as well in case things do fall through.
   
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