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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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koguprou Offline
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Angry at everyone - September 11th 2009, 05:13 AM

two years ago, I had a great group of friends. we all loved each other, and I was the happiest I ever was in my whole life.

then one of my "friends" went behind my back, as well as hurting two other of my friends. i don't want to go into it since that isn't really the problem.

the thing is, it's been two years and i'm still furious. my other two friends have gotten over it. not only do i hate the friend who "wronged" me, but i'm beginning to hate "her" friends-- who used to be my friends.

they all (i think) consider me friends with them, but i hate them all. i even hate the ones who never hurt me, just because they spend all their time with the person who did.

my girlfriend thinks i should confront the friend who hurt me, and just ask her what happened two years ago in a nice way, so i can get closure. but i don't even want to see her. and it really sucks not hanging out with the other people who never hurt me: but i just can't understand how they can be my friends if they are friends with someone i hate. it makes me think they're bad people too. i really feel like they have to choose.

i don't want to feel this way, but i do. it honestly makes me cry. help!
   
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Re: Angry at everyone - September 11th 2009, 09:35 PM

Hi there,

I understand that you are mad at the 'friend' who wronged you and went behind your back, but I really do think that you should not judge your other friends who still hang out with her. They had no influence on her going behind your back, and I'm sure that they don't support her doing that to you.

Having a grudge can really get between you and other people. I know what it's like to harbour something inside and not want to let it go, but it really does help to just let things be. The people that hang out with this girl are not necessarily like her and it sounds like they do consider you as a friend and enjoy spending time with you. It's a bit unfair to make them guilty by association just because someone they also hang out with was mean.

If you don't want to see this girl that went behind your back, maybe you could try writing a letter or email to her instead? Just let her know how you felt about her treating you the way she did and you would really like to know why she did that. Getting angry at her in the letter wont solve anything, and will likely get a negative response in return, so just keep it simply about the questions and ask if she could give you an answer because it has really been bothering you.

Try hanging out with your friends when this old friend isn't around, maybe outside of school? That way you can just think about the fun times with them and not how they might hang out with the person who back stabbed you. Try and give them a fair chance.

I think it does take time to get over things like this and just move on, so don't feel bad that it's taking this long. Just give yourself some time to cool off and try writing the letter.

I hope things work out for you.

Nat.


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