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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Yh ItS mE xx Offline
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bestfriends Boyfriend... - September 13th 2009, 06:15 PM

So me and My best friend have been friends for about 4-5yrs nw, We're like really close, and have always been.
About a yr ago She started goin out with this guy, Lets call him Ben.
So Ben is a very Arrogant, domainering, Likes things his own way kinda person, Now My best friend, Lets call her kelly, She Is a very caring,funny (was) free spirited and a total wkd person to be round, We tell eachother practically everything, and we (used) to see eachother at least twice a week.
Basically he hates me! He really cnt stand me Cos of me n her have a very close friendship n She can tell me anything ( Cos he is very self opinionated, wot ever he seys is right is right even if it isn't) So she dnt tell him everything, Even now, Although I havent seen her in 2weeks really she Dont tell him that she is seeing me, she dnt tell him cos he'll go mad!..
He treats her Like crap! The amount of times that he's bought me into the equasion Is unbeleiveable! Although I rarely even see or speak to this guy cos I no wot kind of person he is , N I never do anything to the both of um..... (which I would never wanna cause Anything to go wrong with them both Cos she has to put up wit to much from him All the time, Even so I would never do that! I jus want her to be happy!)
We even Arranged to go out somewhere once, a Day trip thingy, n we had planned it for months, It was a carnival thing, she told him a few weeks b4 we went that she was goin, n then the day b4 we was goin, he told her that he had arranged plans to go somewhere to another festival, so she dropped me n went wit him instead, (cos he would have gone mad at her if she had went with me).... He's Sed that he dnt trust me, N he tries to manipulate her so much into thinking Im the bad guy. The amount of times she ditched me for him I could never keep track of... N he treats her so badly, the thing is she knows he does! She even admits it! Its totally endless the list of things he's done, says etc, If he says she not allowed to do something then she dont do it, Even If she really wants to, she doesn't.
B4 She stopped telling him she was guna hang out wit me, she used to have to ask him, N then it used to start an arguement... Sometimes I jus dnt think its even worth it, She's just not the same anymore, The thing I dnt get is the fact that she keeps going back to him! Although he is so mean!.... He knows he has her wrapped round his finger.
She admits we dnt really see eachother anymore n she wants to see me more,but she's so tied up. she always so depressed, He makes her so mardy, N they are always argueing, It just gets under my skin the fact that One of the ppl that I love and care about the most, Is gettin treated like this and That Although I have practically nothing to do with this guy He still brings me into it, ( not physically,but Verbally) in the sense that he goes on about me! Grrr! I just dnt no wot to do, I mean I no I cant do anything Its nuffin to do with me, I jus hate seeing her like this.... I hate the fact he keeps slagging me off to her! grrr!
I no Its kinda confusin, I jus kinda had to get it off my chest, I fear I'm loosing her. I cnt do anything about it cos If I say anything its just all guna blow up out of proportion, Although he can say wot ever he likes about me, I dont even think she even says anything back to him about it.
I'm so its so long,
If anyone cud give me any advice or something
It wud be appreciated
Thanks
xxx
   
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Kumagoro Offline
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Re: bestfriends Boyfriend... - September 19th 2009, 08:21 PM

Hi there,
This sounds like a really tough situation. It's horrible losing your best friend to their partner, being cast out of the picture. From what you've said, your friend still wants to spend time with you, but she's scared her boyfriend won't approve. Perhaps, if you find a chance, talk to her about how you feel and how you're worried about the way he treats her. I know you think it's nothing to do with you, but as her friend you have the right to talk to her about problems that concern the two of you. If she's a good friend (and she sounds like she is) she won't be mad at you for what you've got to say. It sounds like she's under a lot of pressure to choose between you and the boyfriend, so it'll be hard for her, but hopefully she'll take it the right way.
Perhaps you could remind her of all the good times you and her had together, tell her you miss those good times, and maybe she'll think again about who she's putting first. If you remind her of what a great friendship you shared, you could easily convince her that it's worth trying to work out some kind of compromise. I know that won't be easy, but I would really recommend trying to communicate with her, get your friendship back on track. Boyfriends will come and go but friends are for life.
Hope it works out OK, and take care




   
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