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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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JFresh2009 Offline
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How to talk to parent (mom)? - September 16th 2009, 01:09 AM

Alright, so my mom wears the pants in my family. She controls the finances and etc.

I grew up all around computers, from around 6 or 7 (mid '90s) I was on a computer until about 5 months ago. That's not to say I didn't have any friends, but I chose not to socialize/move up to high school. I stayed independent, and by myself. I decided (after realizing I was heavily depressed and missing out on 90% of what being a kid/teen is) that I was gonna change that. So I got friends, and started leaving the house. I had a car (with my own money) and paid for my gas out of my "allowance" I got from my parents for food, school things, gas, at their own will. During the summer, my mom was fine, I had a curfew to be home every night and otherwise, it was fine. Then when the school starts, she tells me 2 days before (a Sunday) as I was out with my friends, that I had to be home at 5PM. I figured this was for dinner as she sometimes says if she's cooking a meal, etc. When I get home 45 mins early, she says I'm not allowed out at all tonight because I need rest for school. I told her I'd be home by 9pm (my "bedtime" is 10:30pm) and still get plenty of rest and time for my body to get back on its school clock, etc. She refused, no, no, and reasoning being because I said so. So I didn't go out, and stayed in (as she went out and got wasted at the bars) and then waited for the next day. I went out during the day for about 3 hours with my friends and came back around 4pm to her saying the EXACT same thing. I said again I'd be home by 9pm, I've never had problems with waking up (I've woken up and walked to school in the summer/fall since I started high school) and been late maybe twice in 3 years. She said absolutely no way, and that's when I brought up my "main" argument. My brother (24yo) and my mom always poked fun or jokes at me that I never got out of the house as I was ALWAYS on a computer. They'd drop jokes like 3 or 4 times a week about it. So I told her Monday night (before school the next day, which I didnt have to be to till 9:30am) that you always yelled at me that I had no life, so I finally get a life and you yell at me for having one. She said yea whatever, it's still no because I said so.

She then decided I can only go out 1 school night during the week (Sun. - Thurs.) and then the weekends. I've NEVER had a problem in grades. My GPA is 3.8, I got a 30 on the ACTs and plan on going to UW-Madison (a GREAT school) and never been involved in crimes or legal trouble, etc. I also just recently got a job to which I told my parents they wouldn't have to pay for anything for a while as I need to "catch up" on all the money they gave me to spend with my own money. My mom still doesn't allow me to go out, I get out early from school at 12pm, she demands I be home by 12:15pm unless I'm using my one school night out for the week.

How do I talk to? I'm 17, going to college in less than a year and counting. I've got very little life experience because I've never really "gotten out" into the real world. I try to and get yelled at and told I can't. I've tried calmly explaining to my mom that I need more independence as I'm going to be living on my own in less than a year with much more responsibility than I have now. She refuses to hear my arguments. She even told me the other night that I wanted to go out when I asked her "Ive always been on the computer my whole life, I get a life and you yell at me for it. What do you want me to do, spend my life on the computer or go have a life and a good and safe time with my friends?" Her answer? "Go sit on your damn computer then."

I just can't talk to her, she's always right (her own friends agree with me) and it's no use arguing with her. Yes, she provides a roof over my head and food on the table, but don't I deserve some independence as I grow up?
   
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Re: How to talk to parent (mom)? - September 16th 2009, 09:59 PM

Hi there and welcome to TeenHelp!

The simple answer to your question is 'yes'. You do deserve to go out with your friends, get to know the world, and start being more independent. Hanging out on the computer all the time really wont prepare you for the real world and new life experiences. I can understand your mom's arguments about the fact that it's a school night, but I think that moderation is important. I see nothing wrong with going out for an hour or two- especially when you are on top of your work and waking up for school is not a problem for you.

It sounds like you've been talking to your mom logically about your situation without trying to make it into a huge argument, and I think that is the right thing to do. Going at this with a calm approach is always best. The thing I am surprised at, though, is that your mom isn't even taking in your side of the argument into consideration, when she really should. I'm a firm believer that respect goes both ways, and it sounds like your mom is being really unfair.

The other side of this problem is that you would be surprised at how many students don't get the kind of time you get away from home. Most of my friends are really only allowed one day off on the weekend to socialize with friends, and the rest of the time they are at home. You have your weekend and one school night- which isn't a terrible situation to be in.

My suggestion to you would be to continue talking to your mom about this. Try not to fight about it, but continue to put forth your case. Also, would your mom let you out of the house if it is for an activity? If you think she might, then try joining a club, class, team, or activity outside of school. Or maybe start a volunteer position. That way you can still get out and see the world and meet people, but it will be doing something that your mom might agree with.

Other than that, my advice to you would be to be patient. In less than a year you will have moved out and you will not need to put up with any kind of curfew from your mom. And there's plenty of fun things you can get out and do in college/university.

Take care and good luck.
Nat.


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Re: How to talk to parent (mom)? - September 19th 2009, 08:26 AM

try showing her what ppl are saying on this page... take a screenshot and edit out the parths that you dont want her to see (screenshot is Prt Scr next 2 F12)
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