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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Mad Hatter Nix Offline
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Is feeling alone normal? - September 18th 2009, 07:04 PM

First off, I know I will probably regret writing here because it's just not a thing I like to do even though I feel like it lots of times.
Second off, I'm sorry about putting you through this 'dramatic' rantings. People have enough problems as it is.
Finally, English is not my first language, so I'm sorry about any kind of misundestandings or misspelled words. Thanks (:

So, what is the problem in question here? I could wrap it in one little word: loneliness. Sometimes either way. I have way too much time to think and sometimes I do believe I think too much. I think that almost everyone had at least once in their lives felt like they were alone, no matter where they were and who they were with. Indeed, that is what I'm feeling now.
To tell you the truth this is not the first time I am feeling this. Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

I've never been a very sociable person. At all. I'd always rather be by myself than with other people since... well, ever if I want to be truthfull. In my opinion this loneliness issue, if it could be called that, started back in sixth grade. All my middle school years starting then were filled with abuse from ex friends, both emotional and physical. No one approached me or tried to. I remember entering school in the morning and leaving in the afternoon without speaking to one person my age. It was always me and my books. I remember crying and asking myself what was it that I did wrong. Even when I skipped one year and went to an older class - even then - I was shunned by my colleagues. Later I knew that it was because they were jealous.

Highschool was completely different. I managed to make some friends and I didn't feel so left out anymore. Then those friends went away and came others. It's only normal those kinds of things happening.

Right now I am not sure about how I feel. I am unsure of the very word 'friends'. I knew I had problems knowing new people so I changed myself and started being more outgoing. Spontaneous. Funny. I opened up to people.

The thing is - I don't really feel close to other people. Sure, I talk to them almost everyday and I get along fine with everyone. But I don't feel any kind of deep connection with anyone. I did try to get to know them better, so why isn't it working? I helped them when they were in need and I'd always be there for them. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do? So why do I feel like I don't relate to any of them? Sometimes I just hit myself (not literally of course) for thinking like this - it sounds incredibly stupid and teenager-ish.

Sometimes I like to talk about certain kinds of subjects, but I find out that most people out there (at least in my school) don't share the same interests as I do. Is that it?

I know that I'm too hard on people. I mean, when I am judging them. I pick my friends really, really carefully and I don't trust easily.

Once again, I'm sorry for my rantings. I don't know what more to say, yet I feel that I haven't said anything at all. I usually work these things over in my mind - I'm too proud to ask for help and I feel like I can do this on my own. It is incredibly hard for me to write this here.
I guess I just wanted to hear some outside opinions instead of doing this by myself this time.

Thank you all,

Mad Hatter Nix.
   
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glittermist Offline
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Re: Is feeling alone normal? - September 18th 2009, 08:19 PM

Hi There!

Wow, English isn't even your first language and you write beautifully; and almost better than some people i know who are native English speakers and writers!

Anyway, well done for getting all of that out there! It's not an easy thing to do. Hopefully you'll have recieved some relief and comfort from that.

I think it's only natural for many people to feel loneliness at some point; like you have stated. It's not a nice thing to go through granted; but most people do feel lonely and are going through the same if not similar thing so you don't have to be 'alone' in this situation of feeling alone. No pun intended.

Friends are very hard to come by. Good, and really CLOSE friends are VERY difficult to come by. Sometimes you have to wait a whole lifetime to find those special people. I believe it will happen though. I think good people will walk into your life when you least expect it. Very special people cannot simply be in your life from the offset; you find them along the way during your journey of life. I believe in fate; and i don't know about you but for every bad situation or person you find yourself involved in; think of that as a good thing rather than a bad thing because these things effectively shape our lives and make way for the other events to take place. It's like a domino-effect - without one thing; the other will not happen or exist.

I know you're probably thinking; what the hell is this girl going on about right? I hope you can make some sense out of what i've just written.

Anyway; as for the time being - just try your best to make conversation with these current 'friends'. I know it's not easy considering you've said they share nothing in common with you - but it's always better to try than to just sit there silently without ever knowing that they could IN FACT actually be interested in something that you like as well.

Good luck my dear
x


& it's just like she's in another world.
[<3]


   
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Angelan Offline
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Re: Is feeling alone normal? - September 20th 2009, 10:08 AM

I wrote out a long reply, then my computer tweaked out and I had to start over...
Anyway, long post short. I know what you mean, I have the same problem, only I'm really nervous around people, it's not quite as easy as just deciding to be more outgoing =|
Anyway, you should consider counciling / seeing a psychiatrist or w/e, or asking your doctor about anti depresants. Lots of people think that seeking mental / psychiatric / emotional help is some-how degrading, but how many people do you know would refuse going to a hospital after getting shot, because they're too embarrased about getting proper help?

Anyway, if you need/want someone to talk to, just send me a pm. I'm new here but I check in a lot, and I have almost every IM service imaginable
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Mad Hatter Nix Offline
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Re: Is feeling alone normal? - September 26th 2009, 10:01 AM

glittermist:
Oh, thank you so much, glittermist! I'm a kind of aspiring writer so it means a lot to me when people compliment my writing, even if it is not my native one. xD

And I guess I kind of understand what you're saying. When I'm going through some bad moment I'll always think that for every bad moment I'll have I'll also have a good one. It's ... uhm... a karma thing I guess. Haha.
So yeah, I do understand what you're saying. It's those kinds of thoughts that keep pushing me forward. I agree with what you say: finding true, loyal friends is a very, very hard thing to do - I'll just have to wait I guess, like you said.

I will try to do as you said. ^^ Thank you so much for helping me. I'm very grateful and relieved. =) *


Angelan:

Haha. xD Yes, my computer does that sometimes too. Sometimes I believe this computer is out to get me.
Anyway, I don't know if seeking those kinds of things is the right thing for me. In my opinion, people should try to solve their problems by themselves, not that they always should of course. But, in my case, I do not believe that I should for the sole reason that I believe in myself to be capable of solving these problems with a minimal amount of help. If I am indeed wrong, then I'll reconsider your proposition =)
About the anti depresants... Chemicals are not my thing. I think chocolate is way better. Hehehe.
Thanks It's always good to get to know new people. I'll be sure to talk to you sometime when I'm around ^^
See you. *
   
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