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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xXbrooke13Xx Offline
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my friend...shes got me confused about her yet again yo - September 19th 2009, 05:50 PM

so my friend(we'll call her A)A and i hav a reaaally weird history. it consists of us making out a couple of times and stuff like that, and her and i not being friends for long periods of time cuz of stupid shit i do/did.

now heres some info on A,she says shes totally straight,but shes made out with me more then once,shes in the gays/straights alliance club at school and shes all about giving gays equal rights(nothing to do with my point really). but anyways, after the first time A and i made out,she got all weird and kept telling me she loved me and she wanted to be around me like all the time,she never used ta hug me before tht(i didnt really like being hugged),but after we did tht,she was like always touching me or hugging me or rubbing my knee(no clue why O.o). after like a week of tht,i did something she did not like,like at all,and she decided we werent talking(i got used to this by now,shed done it like all year every month at least twice a month),but then she completely ignored me and her feelings towards me like totally vanished,eventually i got over it. then like a few months later,shes talking to me again cuz she found out i tried killing myself and ended up going to a hospital for sucidial kids. i come back and its like we only had a small argument that was my fault.

all of that,was from like last school year,now for this year so far. A and i are talking,we're "friends"/friends(im not totally sure i can trust her again yet) and she didnt really show that she has feelings towards me that are more than "jus friends",well,until last night. oh,and btw,A has a boyfriend and i hav a girlfriend(who btw,i am like totally completely in love with ).

last night A was saying how she was cold and forgot her hoodie,so i let her use mine,well then i was freezing(like always),but i wouldnt let her giv me my hoodie back cuz she had shorts on and i had pants on,so she like got really close to me,like shoulder to shoulder(which in my opinion is really close between me and her) and was leaning on me,i mean i was warmer,but like totally felt weird. then later in the night i was snaping my rubberbands around my wrist,she told to stop like 100 times,and get this,her main reason for telling me to stop is because it hurts me,her second reason was cuz it was annoying and other ppl were trying to sleep. but i didnt stop and eventually i snapped one too hard and hurt myself(it left a welt and a nice lil bruise),i couldnt see the bruise last night but once i woke up i saw it and was like "shit,oooow" and A was like "what? lemme see it." so i let her see it,she got like all sad and asked if it hurt and held her hand over it(her hand was freezing btw). it didnt really hurt so i didnt say yes,but she was still like acting like it was bleeding or something,i dunno,maybe im overreacting. but i really dont need her trying to make a move on me cuz she likes me or something.

so,do you guys think she likes me or do you think shes jus cares alot ALOT about me cuz we've been thru alot of shit together????
i really need some help here guys,cuz like i dont wanna ruin the friendship,again,because she likes me and im not willing to mess around with her. and ive made tht pretty much clear to her,tht i LOVE my girlfriend and dont wanna mess it up at all or giv it any chances of being messed up.
so,help,please!!

~Brookie


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my friend...shes got me confused about her yet again yo - September 19th 2009, 06:13 PM

I'm not sure if she likes you...but I'm pretty sure she really cares about you. She was really sweet worrying about your bruise. It's a lot easier to try to ignore when your friend's hurt, but she's trying to be proactive and she's really putting herself out there to try and help out which says a lot (of good stuff) about her character.

You say she's straight... and with boyfriend... I mean there's always the argument that some women get married but later admit to being lesbians, and maybe that's what's going on here. But really, if she's told you those things, if they're not true, she at least wants you to think they are. You have to think about whether you can let her lie about something like that to you or you can choose to find out fair and square if she's into you or not.

And if she is into you? That's going to be hard to deal with, with both of you being in relationships, and her being "straight"... Can you deal with her having a crush on you? It sounds like that's not something you want. Remember that just because she might have a crush on you doesn't mean that you have to reciprocate those feelings.

There's not really much you can do... the situation is pretty much dependent on how your friend acts. I think you should just welcome her kindness. She can have a crush on you but again, you don't have to do anything about it. It's not your fault you're so gosh darn lovable. Sounds like her caring is a big deal, meaning maybe she hasn't shown a lot of affection in the past? But part of being good friends with someone is showing you care. Doesn't have to be romantic.

So... let her care.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
xXbrooke13Xx Offline
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Re: my friend...shes got me confused about her yet again yo - September 19th 2009, 09:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by fresco View Post
You say she's straight... and with boyfriend... I mean there's always the argument that some women get married but later admit to being lesbians, and maybe that's what's going on here. But really, if she's told you those things, if they're not true, she at least wants you to think they are. You have to think about whether you can let her lie about something like that to you or you can choose to find out fair and square if she's into you or not.
i dont want her lieing to me about that,but i also dont want her messing her relationship and mine if she does like me. what do you mean i cn choose to find out fair and square???

Quote:
Originally Posted by fresco View Post
And if she is into you? That's going to be hard to deal with, with both of you being in relationships, and her being "straight"... Can you deal with her having a crush on you? It sounds like that's not something you want. Remember that just because she might have a crush on you doesn't mean that you have to reciprocate those feelings.
i could deal with her having a crush on me,so long as thats what it stays,jus a crush and she doesnt like totally try to act on it and make out with me or anything. but i'd really preffer that she dont,cuz i think if she did hav a crush on me it would ruin our friendship,yet again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fresco View Post
There's not really much you can do... the situation is pretty much dependent on how your friend acts. I think you should just welcome her kindness. She can have a crush on you but again, you don't have to do anything about it. It's not your fault you're so gosh darn lovable. Sounds like her caring is a big deal, meaning maybe she hasn't shown a lot of affection in the past? But part of being good friends with someone is showing you care. Doesn't have to be romantic.
no,shes shown more affection than this before,but we've jus been off/on so much,i guess im jus not used to it again yet or something,like i used to think she hated me for what ive done/did,up until like the beginning of summer,we had not been talking like at all. now shes like all worried and stuff about me.


~*fixed what was once broken*~

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YOU ARE ON DRUGS,is what i think

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my friend...shes got me confused about her yet again yo - September 19th 2009, 11:47 PM

Well I mean you can find out "fair and square" (not sure why I worded it that way, actually :P) by being up front and just asking her. Technically it's probably the easiest way to go but yeah, it's not always easy asking someone something as straight-forward as that... "Oh, by the way, do you have a crush on me?"

I can see why you'd be worried about it ruining your friendship, especially since it's happened to you guys in the past. You can still stay friends with someone who likes you though... it's tough but it can happen.

But you don't know for sure if she likes you...which is like the big issue here. You can just kinda ignore it or you can be like "...you like me?" You can't know for sure just based on what she says or does, because you're still missing what she's thinking, and not saying or doing and why she's not saying or doing those things. So...a big thing here is you need to somehow know. Dunno how you can do that, but I bet you can figure something out. You might be more comfortable slipping it in during face-to-face conversation or thru like IM or texting. You can even hint at it like "if I didn't know any better i would think that you were in love with me :P"--subtlety is awesome.

I think she just wants to be friends with you. It sounds to me like she's trying to restore your friendship, maybe to how it was before. When you want to get back into someone's life sometimes it seems forced or sudden...cuz sometimes it kinda is. It might be that something has happened in her life that's made her rethink her relationships...I had a life-threatening experience and all I wanted to do was take everyone I knew and get them in a huge group hug. Or maybe she just wants to get back to the way things were. Can you blame her though? Sounds like you guys were super close and that kind of strong friendship isn't found every day.

This is a confusing situation but I hope so much that you can sort everything out. Best wishes
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
xXbrooke13Xx Offline
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Re: my friend...shes got me confused about her yet again yo - September 20th 2009, 09:14 PM

what if i jus asked her like...like why she seems to care so much,would that work? or would i actually hav to be like "do you like me?" straight up? cuz that would be totally awkward,not to mention if she said no,it would make me look totally conceited and like self-absorbed or something.

im friends with people who like me right now,but they kno that im not interested and they understand how much i love my girlfriend and dont want to risk anything happening with her. its rough sometimes cuz they wanna be around me all the time,alone,jus me and them,and i always feel kinda bad for being like no,i cant,but i kno theyd try something if i ever did. so i kno i could still be her friend if she does like me,itd jus be a little difficult at first.

we were super close,but then i got all suicidal and she jus could not deal with me being like that and left. i mean,we used to hang out like everyday after school and sleep over each others houses,but now,its nothing like that,we dont hang out unless other ppl are around or we're at school or it has to do with school or our other friends too,and we never sleep at each others houses unless someone else is there too. she left me as a friend like 2/3 times,all because i smoked a few cigs and was suicidial. i understood why she left,she has a past with being suicidial,so i didnt really blame her when she got out of tht. but its like,the rest of my friends,they stuck by me the whole time,never left,unless i was being really stupid,and they dont care when i get a bruise on my wrist from snapping rubberbands or if i scratch myself so hard i bleed,but she does. i jus dont get why she cares so much.


~*fixed what was once broken*~

x7x13x

I.Love.You.<3


YOU ARE ON DRUGS,is what i think

so over you

KEEP MOVING FORWARD


need or wanna tlk,pm me nytime

  Send a message via AIM to xXbrooke13Xx Send a message via Yahoo to xXbrooke13Xx  
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
xXbrooke13Xx Offline
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Exclamation Re: my friend...shes got me confused about her yet again yo - September 21st 2009, 09:30 PM

so i asked my friend if she liked me today,well,sorta...

here's the convo(it was a note we were passing during history,tht class bores us lol=p)there was more to it before this,but this is the imporant part,sorry if its a little long:

me:u kno shes jealous of u righ?
A:why???????? and since when?????????
me:cuz u nd me r col(like as friends) and she thinks i still like u and shes like obsessed with me and i hate her and she stil likes me. since like last yr when we strtd tlkin again.
A:wow............................random question(dont take wrong way)and it dont bug me either way,but do you still like me?
me:dude,i love lindsay. i dont like anyone else. someone thinks u like me tho dude, i told theyre f***in stupid but theyre set on it man,so,sorry,but i gotta ask.
A:sorry for asking i was j/w.and im deffinantly straight so yeah deffiantnly not.who thinks that?

and thats all i think u guys need to see.

but now,she used tht whole,"im straight" thing last time,when she liked me before and ended up making out with me. so what should i think?????? i mean i wanna think tht shes telling me the truth and she doesnt like me,but i dunno,help!!


~*fixed what was once broken*~

x7x13x

I.Love.You.<3


YOU ARE ON DRUGS,is what i think

so over you

KEEP MOVING FORWARD


need or wanna tlk,pm me nytime

  Send a message via AIM to xXbrooke13Xx Send a message via Yahoo to xXbrooke13Xx  
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