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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Nicholaa Offline
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I need help, please - October 3rd 2009, 02:27 AM

My family is falling apart and I don't know what to do anymore, everyday it seems to get worst. My dad only comes home about three days outta the month, he is always fighting with my mom. She just had my little brother Ramsay and my dad denied him as his son at first, saying my mom cheated, when we alll know he is the cheater. I have an older brother and sister, Gavrael is 15 and Alesandra is 17...I just found out tonight that Gavrael does drugs, I'm not sure what, it was in a needle...I don't know much about the real world because everyone treats me like a baby and tries to hide everything from me. My sister is a spoiled brat...she is always screaming and yelling about something. She always picks fights with my mom just to make her cry I think. I don't remember the last time we were all together as a family...my mom tries to make us all sit down for dinner but my dad is always away, my sister goes out and gets drunk and does who knows what with nasty guys and my brother is off doing drugs I guess! And me? I'm stuck watching my mom struggle to keep this family together while she slowly falls apart and I can't do it anymore.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need help, please - October 3rd 2009, 04:12 AM

hi there,
Family situation like that is never easy to deal with, If what your older siblings do really upset you perhaps you can try talking to them about it?It seems all of you are dealing with the stress in your own way,alone.As for the arguing bewteen your parents theres not much you can do about it, because these are things they will have to work out on there own.Also during this stressful time make sure you never blame yourself for anything thats going on because its never your fault.You can do this i know you can.
If you need talk please dont hesitate to pm me any time.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need help, please - October 3rd 2009, 04:39 AM

I get along with my brother really good, he is very protective of me which can be so annoying because I makes me naive to the real world...that's what we actually faught about tonight..that's how I found out he was doing drugs, after dinner I followed him to his friends house down the street, he hangs there alot with a bunch of friends, and I wanted to hang out too because I have a crush on his friends Jaxon, but that's another story, well he got mad I followed him and told me to go back home and I said I wasn't a baby and could handle myself and all that stuff and we ended up getting in a screaming matching and suddenly pulls out a needle and was like you want to see the truth I'll show you and he stuck it in his arm where it bends and then yelled now leave so I can ahem "fuck" my girlfriend! Yahh..so I was like wow...and left...actually ran home..crying..god I am a baby, I just can't deal with this anymore..I was to know the truth, but at the same time I don't. The truth hurts. =(
   
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Re: I need help, please - October 3rd 2009, 06:02 AM

yes the truth does hurt and as scary as it is its still better than lies.Im sure that did surprise you very much though, im so sorry Maybe you can try talking to him again but when he would be a bit calmer?


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need help, please - October 3rd 2009, 04:59 PM

Hi Nicholaa,

that is though. that is super though. but bcos it's hard, dont let go, don't let urself be swept away and end up like one of them, on drugs or drunk with random guys. hold on in there.

there's this quote:
"the darker the night,
the brighter the dawn.
the longer the darkness lingers
the more beautiful the light will come."


it won't last forever, it cant be awful forever. trust me.

your sister screams and picks fights, not because she's a bad person, because she too can't stand what she sees around her, because she cant stand what she's resorted to.

i wouldnt blame your brother either, he sees u as the precsious gem that can be saved... and because he's protective over you proves that you mean quite a lot to him.
i think, if you were to talk to him, if you were to show him your concerns about what he's doing, i think it would really really help. he wont quit right away, but it will make him think about what he's doing, and revise his reasons. tell him (even though u dnt want to, but bcos it'll make him feel responsible) that you need him off them, bcos u need an older brother. tell him that it feels like you all need a man in the house, and him doing drugs isnt living up to that! (he's a boy, insult his ego, nicely and he'll prove u wrong).

maybe all your sister needs is a friend, maybe she just needs someone to listen to her while she rants. she's angry inside, she would never pick a fight otherwise.
you all can't stand what's happening around you- it leaves you all, espically your mom feeling very powerless.
your sister needs your support. it's better that you hear out her anger than your mom. maybe if you do some little acts of kindness for her, maybe she'll start softening up for her family.

your brother needs to hear your expectations, (and being a boy, making him feel like he can be the man of the house, he will do something). .. (his protectiveness proves it).

... as for your mom- there isnt much you can do, except let her know you appreciate what she's trying to do, and show her a lot of love- a child's love should help her stay together throughout.


and you nicholaa, if you ever need anything, we're all here for you at TH. If you ever need anything, i'm right here, (and so is Lili - she's super nice!)


take good care of yourself.
hope i've helped
Sebrine

ps. maybe this will help you all (excluding your dad) become closer and stronger individuals... remember you have a lot of power at the moment to help your siblings. try your best-they won't forget it.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need help, please - October 4th 2009, 03:52 AM

Thank you both for taking time to help me!
I told my mom to go out shopping with my aunt and I would watch Ramsay for her, I just wanted her to get away for awhile, I heard her crying last night in bed so I knew she needed to just get out of the house, kid and drama free..so it was just us kids home, and I did what you said, I talked to my brother, he said he was sorry for yelling like that and saying and doing what he did, I told him I didn't like that he did drugs, he said that there is alot of things in the real world I wont like and that I just have to deal with it, but before he left the room he said not to worry about him, he'd be okay...I left it alone then a few hours later I mentioned that he needed to start helping out as man of the house, bad idea, he got veryyy mad, said that dad was the man of the house and he still lived here..so I think he doesn't want to admit that our dad doesn't care anymore. So I left him alone for the rest of the day....as for my sister...she came stumbling out of bed around 2pm still looking drunk so I left her alone, she isn't very nice whens she's hung over...I'll try when I catch her sober, if that ever happens....I just wish my mom and dad could get back together and everything go back to normal...I love my little brother to death, but ever sense my mom got pregnant with him things got bad...
   
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Re: I need help, please - October 5th 2009, 06:06 PM

oooh!! im so sorry ... ... (didnt mean to get him worked up) .. yes ... i think he would be rather sensitive about that.
but trust me, (this happened to a friend of mine, and she has an older brother) as soon as he comes to terms with it, that your dad might not care, he's going to fill in that spot. ... but even if he got mad, i'm sure he's thinking about it.
you know, maybe, it's the fact that he feels unable to fill that spot, maybe he already feels the responsiblity.. and thats made him mad. (and the fact he's using drugs, not liking it, adn realizing it's not suitable)
and i have a feeling that he already is trying to be, because he's so protective, because he apologized , and bcos he cares so much.

I'm sorry about your dad... this might hurt when i say it, but maybe it's better if he weren't there... bcos it seems when he's there, ur mom's upset, and they do a lot of arguing, and it'll be rather hard to live without trust..

that was really nice of u!, im sure ur mom really appreciates it!. (im going to thank you for her, it's really sweet!.. she's lucky to have you!)

anyway, i really sincerely hope everything starts settling down again.
*big Hug*


The Darker the NIGHT,
The brighter the dawn.
The longer the darkness lingers,
The more beautiful the light will come.

   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need help, please - October 5th 2009, 07:32 PM

I cant even THINK about what you're going through, but i know the feeling of holding the family together, and when its over, everyone will thank you, whether they say so or not. Good luck, and if you ever you ever want to talk, i'm here?


I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
Mother Teresa

"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."
Linda Sunshine

"He who sings scares away his woes."
Cervantes

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