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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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krazy_katty907 Offline
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Question "Abandoned" - October 10th 2009, 04:43 PM

when i was a baby my mom and dad gave up their parental rights because they were (and still are) unstable. ever since i heard of that when i was about 7 ive felt like my mom and dad didnt care enough to keep me when i was born, or that i wasnt good enough. and, i know that everyone makes mistakes, but theres just some mistakes that one can make that they will never be able to try and repair the damages it caused. for example, my mom use to call my house when i was a little kid and she would tell me that she was going to pick me up in a few hours, and as the few hours pass she never shows. Days pass, nothing, no call and no show. this was a regular thing for her. yes, i guess you could say that i adapted to this and tried not to let it get to me. some might call this holding a grudge, but theres still a part of me thats mad at her for this.

but theres a difference between the mistakes my mom has made and the changes shes made from the mistakes my dad has made and the very few changes he has made.

my dad has never been there. but, the feeling of being abandoned has grew stronger over the years. with my dad, it seems like all he really cares about is his rude, controlling girlfriend, work and money.like he spends more time with his gf and at work then he EVER has with me. and ive written him letters telling him how i feel and things like that but even after he reads them it just seems like he doesnt care and doesnt want to at least try to be an actual father. idk what else to do to get him to see that he NEEDS to step up and be a father. cause, not to sound harsh, but if he doesnt step up, i doubt he will be the one giving me away at my wedding. like i said i just dont know how to make him realize that his only daughters life is going by fast and hes missing out and going to lose many chances of being in the huge parts of my life




Any advice??


[<3] K@Tii3@V3RY[<3]{AK-907 Pride!!!}
   
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mary861 Offline
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Re: "Abandoned" - October 10th 2009, 04:54 PM

I definitely understand why you feel abandoned =( You ARE worth your father being there for you and if he doesn't understand that, then he is not worth your time. I have several friends in the same situation and it just takes patience, hope and surrounding your self with people who love you,
   
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Re: "Abandoned" - October 10th 2009, 08:54 PM

Could kind of get, but not get what you're saying (as in the situation you're in).

But, I can definitely relate and tell you that feelings of abandonment, issues with trust/mistrust are common. From what I can tell my father was a criminal who knocked up my mother, then when he found she was pregnant ran off and left me for dead (the place where I was born the police would kill kids in poverty) thus forcing my mother to give me away.

I hate my father was a passion. I mean, patricidal type rage at the guy even though I never met him. Oddly, another part of me wants to make him proud. It's really screwed up and feels like Harvey Two-Face at times. He's the reason I don't have a home to go back to, he's the reason I'm afraid to trust anyone, the reason my life sucks and I'm near incapable of intimacy with anyone because of an overwhelming fear that someday they'll all leave me.

Don't get me wrong, my adoptive parents are alright. My adoptive dad can be overly judgmental at times - but, at least he's not a criminal and douche bag like my father is.

Since I don't know your situation, I don't know what advice to offer. I can say it's their fault, be angry at them - not at yourself. Though it can make me feel like human toxic waste at times when it gets bad, being second-hand. But, you need to try to not focus or concentrate on that as much. Some days are better than others, some days it doesn't really come up at all. But, I don't have any ties to my parents so it's easy for me to start forgetting them for a short period of time. So trying to not to think about them as much and keeping your mind on other things is the only advice I can offer since don't really understand your situation (open adoption, orphanage, living with relatives, etc. - there's all kinds of homes - I'm closed adoption, which sucks but at least I was given a name so guess that's gotta count for something)
   
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Re: "Abandoned" - October 11th 2009, 10:24 AM

WELL WHOEVER U R WITH I AM HOPING R GOOD PEOPLE AND UR DAD MISSING OUT OF STUFF HIS LOSS U SEEM LIKE A GREAT PERSON AND HE MISSES UR LIFE HIS LOSS


" I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me and the cost is more than I can bare"
   
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