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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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youronion Offline
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Abandoned by father at age 17... - October 11th 2009, 06:06 AM

My father left my family this year to move to another country with his mistress. It's extremely hard to go from having a father who you were very close with for almost 18 years to having no father, or rather no father who cared enough to stay for you. I guess my biggest issue right now is i'm having trouble understanding and deciding how much contact I should have with him. When I talk to him over e-mail (it's been over a month) or on the phone (again, over two months) he tries to act like life is perfect, like he's just talking to anyone. He stopped trying to call. Stopped really e-mailing. And I guess yeah I may have been not extremely responsive, I don't know what I expect... maybe I wish that my lack of contact with him will make him realize his mistake... but it hasn't. How do I cope with this? How do I decide whether or not it's worth sacrificing more of myself to care about someone who may not care for me much at all anymore? Just needed some venting. Thanks everyone.
   
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Re: Abandoned by father at age 17... - October 11th 2009, 02:04 PM

You know. It sounds ur really nice and he doesnt deserve you. I'm going through something similar that caused me to do alot of stupid things. You're practiucally grown and can make you're own decisions. Support ur mother and try to move past this. Continue emailing and maybe say what you think in one of the email.s. Dont Give up! Good Luck!


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Re: Abandoned by father at age 17... - October 11th 2009, 03:31 PM

Hi there,

It must have been really difficult for you and your mom to have your dad leave after so long. I'm really sorry that he did this to your family, but I'm going to agree with Candy and say that he doesn't deserve you and it's his loss after doing that.

If you want to continue speaking to your father, then you really need to hold up your side of the communication. I know it can take some time to reply to your email, but it could be that your father is taking your lack of response as you not wanting to talk to him. Maybe try explaining to him on the phone how you feel and that you still want him to talk to you as his daughter rather than as if he's talking to anyone.

If you don't want to talk to him anymore, then I think you should still communicate that to him. Explain your reasons why and let him know he has a chance to treat you better before you cutting contact completely. He is still your father, and if he wants a chance to talk to you, he still should, but if he's not keeping up with his half of the communication then it's probably better to distance yourself.

Have you tried talking to your mom about how you feel right now about how your dad is speaking to you? Maybe she could also shed some light on some options you could try and give you suggestions as to what to say.

In the meantime, just do your best to go on with your life. Don't let your father's negative impacts on your family affect your happiness and what you enjoy doing.

If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me at any time.
Take care.

Nat.


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