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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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crmzchan Offline
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Why do friendships always have to be so awkward? - October 23rd 2009, 08:18 PM

I've had a long-running dispute with my friend of four years. Just sounds like normal teenage girls really, but I'm struggling to cope - she's left a hole in my heart somewhere and I'm not sure how to fill it.

At the start of year 10 Cat went completely off the rails. She drinks, she smokes, she does disgusting things with boys, and I hardly ever see her because she never comes in to school. She started seeing a councillor, but I don't think it's working because her attendance has been even worse this year (11). A month ago my friend committed suicide, and now I'm so paranoid about my close friends having low self-esteem - I can't help but worry about everyone. Holly's death has torn the year group apart, It really can't happen again. A few weeks ago, Cat went to a party and got so drunk that she had to be admitted to hospital. She was only put on a drip, but I've heard that another boy in our year almost died from ecstasy+alcohol overdoses, and I couldn't let that happen to Cat. The problem is she never lets her guard down. She wears a lot of make-up and covers her personality with a cold facade that I just can't break. I'm just so worried that her confidence is so low she might attempt suicide like Holly did. I know I'm probably being paranoid, but Cat has gone through the grief on her own, not being at school, and I've heard that she's going to have to drop back a year because she's so behind on her studies (she's practically missed all of her GCSE work). I had a tearful conversation with her on MSN and told her all about how I felt, and how Holly's death has affected me, and just assured her that when that mask falls down there's a friend here who won't judge her and will just be glad to have my old friend back. She swears she's stopped drinking and hasn't seen any boys for a while, but I haven't seen her for a week, and doubts are starting to form in my mind. Now we're in half term, and I won't see her for two weeks, and know that holidays are when she goes out and gets completely sozzled.

What do I do? I just want my old friend back... I'll respect her so much if she has the courage to bring that barrier down, but I can't really say anything until she does. I'm just scared of what she might do. Is it just grief messing with my head? I just don't want to lose someone that means so much to me.

Thank you so much, any advice would be amazing help. Just be honest. Please.



Holly Grogan, my friend, died 16.09.2009.
Goodbye, Holly.
May your smile light up the face of heaven.

   
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Kristen♡ Offline
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Re: Why do friendships always have to be so awkward? - November 4th 2009, 05:05 PM

With someone like that, I think the only thing you can really do is talk to her and be patient. Always make sure she knows you care and always always be there for her. If you really think she'd consider suicide, never let your guard down. And don't force things out of her. Just make sure she's comfortable.
Take care, sorry to hear about Holly




I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.
And maybe we’ll never know most of them.
But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from,
we can still choose where we go from there.
We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

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