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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lostandalone Offline
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Mum is making life hard - November 1st 2009, 08:56 PM

I don't know what to do anymore about this. My parents are divorced, dad lives on the opposite side of the country, mum got me. She works most of the time expecting me to do the house work,laundry and the sort,, including making dinner for her whenever she comes home. I get into big trouble if anything is not done, With doing that and school work, i have no time for freinds. or even going to a movie. If it wasn't for msn i have no one to talk to, I feel so trapped.
I;ve tryed talking to a counciler at school, but since I'm not abused or not taken care of ( clothed, health, fed,,,) my problem is not seen as a problem. But it is,,,,i hate it here and her, I can't talk to her about this,,, she just calls me a selfish little madam and sends me to my room for the night, I want to live with dad but she won't let me go . dad tryed to get the court to change custody but lost. I thought about running out, but that is stupid,, what can i do????
   
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Re: Mum is making life hard - November 2nd 2009, 09:40 PM

Hi there,

You are right- your mom is being unfair to you, and it will not solve anything to run away. It's important that you get some time for yourself and to spend with your friends, even if you need to do some work at home. I understand that the counselor doesn't see this as a problem she can readily fix, but it is a problem for you and that makes it a big deal.

I know that your mom isn't really listening when you are trying to talk to her seriously about this, but I suggest you do your best to sit her down and have a conversation about how you feel. What I suggest you do is negotiate a schedule at home so that you do still have time to see your friends some time in the week. Make one or two days cleaning and laundry day and then set aside some spare time for yourself. It's important that you don't get stressed out at home and still have time to relax and have fun.

Cooking dinner for your mom every day sounds like a hassle, and it is a lot of work to ask you to do on top of schoolwork that day and having some you time. The best suggestion I can make for this is to visit the Food and Recipes section of the TeenHelp forums and find out some quick and easy meals you could make. If it takes less time to cook, then you will have more time for yourself.

When it comes to chores and laundry, try to find out if there is anything your mom could do to help make it easier. See if she could do her own load and you could take care of your stuff, or split up who does a certain coloured wash. Maybe she could help you prepare meals the night before that you can cook before she gets home the next day.

There is more to life than chores and schoolwork, so take some time for yourself. Read a book, go for a walk or a jog, and see your friends every once in a while. You've been working your butt off, and you deserve some time for yourself.

I hope things will turn around for you.

Nat.


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Re: Mum is making life hard - November 5th 2009, 12:54 AM

Thanks I'll try the recipe section and see what's there. But talking to her is hard. as far she is concerned, she has done her thing and now is payback, I am old enough to take care of things. Im afraid if I can make more time to the things I like, she will just give me more work. I need to be carfule how I talk to her or I will be punished. I'll try on Sunday, she should be in a good mood because she will be with her guy freind on Saturday. I hope she will listen. Please let me know if you can think of anything else. Please...
   
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Re: Mum is making life hard - November 9th 2009, 02:56 AM

...well mum and i talked, had a bit of good luck. She will allow free time for me for friday nights and anytime on saturdays as long the housework is done. I can schedule the other chores to suit me as long as her dinner is ready when she comes home after work and have at least enough clean clothes for work/relax for the next day. So I will use your suggestion to do certain chores on certain days and I can prepare meals a couple of days ahead then just warm it up just before she comes home.

Not exactly what I was hoping for ( having her to actually do some, for examlpe) but is a bit better than before. ( I also know we will need to talk about this again when I get a bit older) At least I have some time to do things with freinds or just do whatever.

I just like to add, I have been reading through the forums for some ideas on dealing with some of the other problems I have with her, including some topics totaly not related. Some of them are so sad. They are struggling with such hard problems, making my problems really not. I think I really need to re-look at what I think are problems.
   
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Re: Mum is making life hard - November 9th 2009, 02:32 PM

Hi Erika,

I'm really glad that you were able to talk things over with your mum and she is giving you some free time during the week. I understand that it's still not the best situation to be in, because it does sound like you are pulling the most weight in the household, but at least it will give you a bit of time to relax and see your friends.

Everyone's problems are different. Just because the problems you are experiencing are not the same as another person's does not make them less important. What you are going through is just as difficult as what they are going through, so try not to rate what you are going through in relation to another person. It is not fair for you because you deserve help just like they do.

I do agree that you will need to talk to your mum about this again when you get older. At that point you will need to figure out what is best for you and start looking after yourself rather than your mum. She will need to realize that you will need time to get a job and she will need to start doing her own chores and making her own meals.

I'm glad that things are going better with your mum right now. If anything comes up that you want to talk about, feel free to message me any time.

Nat.


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Smile Re: Mum is making life hard - November 10th 2009, 03:20 PM

Thank you Nat. Being able to talk about this has made it easier.
I probley have some questions later. Hey, having time for myself may even make some of the other things bugging me easier to handle.

To be fair i do need to say, she always got the groceries and did most of the painting and stuff when re-doing a room and she does cook dinner when her boyfriend or other guests come over.
   
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